"Excuse me," I said as I approached a group of people hanging out in front of the building. They all turned to look at me. "Is this the art building?"
Someone affirmed yes. I continued, "Where do you think I can find Kawashita Akira? He's a second year ceramics major."
They exchanged glances. Some were hiding a giggle. They were probably thinking I was one of his fans or something. "Oh, we know him," one of the girls replied.
"Maybe in the pottery studio in the first floor of the west side building," another one said in an unsure tone after a few seconds of awkward silence.
"Thank you." I smiled then bowed slightly.
"Do you think that's safe?" I heard someone whispered as I began walking away. "Maybe she's one of those deranged fans."
"I doubt so. She's a half," someone answered. "Maybe a teacher sent her."
I grimaced a little as I entered the building. There weren't much people around in the hallway, but the entire atmosphere was different. I didn't know how to describe it exactly. But it must have been the vibe that I didn't belong there.
Stopping a few times, my hands began to sweat, and every step became heavier and heavier until I almost reached the end of the west corridor. The pottery studio was the second room at the far end before the corner to the right. It had clear windows. Only everything was covered with curtains. There were no lights or any hint that someone was inside.
Biting my lips, I rose my hand to knock and paused. Maybe I had something to lose. What if I fell in love with him? He wouldn't love me back. He would eventually breakup with me if he knew. It was a scary thought. I doubted I could love someone so much again that losing them would leave a gap inside me nothing would be able to fill it. I didn't want to be left again.
But you don't want to be alone, some part of me answered. I put a hand on my chest and breathed deeply, weighing the situation. Was it worth the risk? Would I be able to find someone else on time? Kawashita's offer was strings free, and he wasn't a self-absorbed jerk despite being sex determined.
If I were to fall in love with him, I would never let him know. That way he wouldn't ever have to leave me.
After promising myself that, I knocked on the door. But no response came, and then I tried the door, and it slid open. I entered the darkness, leaving the door ajar.
The room was dim, but my eyes didn't need to adjust. I looked around. It was as large as a one normal classroom and had this smell of damp earth. Lines of long, wide, open shelves obstructed the view of the entire room. Some had different pots and ceramics of a sort while some were empty.
"Excuse me. Is anybody here? Kawashita-kun?"
I waited for a few seconds but got no answer. That was it. I tried. Giving up early when I was still ahead, deciding it wasn't fated, I was about to turn around when I heard a low, rasp, shuffling, and tapping. My heart accelerated to the speed of a bullet train. Maybe it was. I froze before I called again. Like the last time, there was no response. Mustering up my courage, I followed the noise and went through the space in between the shelves in the middle. I hadn't reached the end, but I already saw the dark pants and half of the pottery wheel in the gap.
"Kawashita?" I repeated then started walking again.
It was brighter on this side of the room. Curtains were pulled to the side, and more golden trees were visible, serving as a background. Kawashita was in the middle of it all. He didn't notice me. His head was stooped low to the pile of wet clay on his hands as he worked. He was also wearing earphones. I watched and studied him for a minute. His entire demeanor was different from the last two times I saw him. The cool and playful appearance were replaced with unkempt yet at ease side he didn't show last time. He was humming with his hair pulled back.
I could watch him longer. But the anticipation inside me was threatening to burst. I called out his name again and held my breath unknowingly as I waited for his reaction.
The humming and tapping stopped at the same time his hands stilled. He lifted his head, and I felt my tension released. His eyes widened, and his eyebrows creased as he shrugged the earphones, stumbling once when he got up. "Matsumoto-senpai? What are you doing here?"