After my humiliation I'm excusing myself, so I can go to the toilet for throwing up my lunch. Since then I didn't eat anything and my belly is grumbling like a hungry whale. It's a good comparison, because it's only the truth I'm telling.
My legs are wobbling to the women's room. After standing in front of the right sink, I'm pushing my weak arms on the side of it.
Yeah, I'm full of energy, in the prim of my life now. Oh my god, I'm looking horrified, the whitest ghost I've ever seen in my long life. No wonder, I should be ashamed to be standing next to Mr Roland.
My eyes are looking back, showing me a sad face. Under my eyes are big black racoon eyes, my forehead is in deep lines, looking very exhausted. I need a fresh environment around me. Maybe I should quit my job and start something new. Yeah, it's really a good idea. I'm making sports, so I can define my body and lose weight. On the other side I apply for a new job, so I have a chance for a new transformation. Good, it's really great. But how should I do it? Send my boss a notice? Lay it on his desk in the morning? He finds definitely a new one in a short period of time, for sure.
Shortly after a little facial wash, I'm heading out of the bathroom. At the other wall is Mr Roland waiting.
"Wanda, where have you been? I'm waiting for ten minutes now and you didn't get out of that room. Are you okay?"
It's the first time ever, he's asking about my whereabouts. It's very nice of him, but I do know, he holds something back which is going to crash my emotions again and again.
My head is pounding like a hammer against a nail. But I'm nodding as an answer, so he can tell me how stupid I am.
"Then, everything is alright and we can go back talking to our business partners." He's grabbing my upper arm and it's a good way to stabilize my body, because I'm really weak now. Working, sports and the gala are a little bit to much stress for me today. Truly, my feet are hurting like hell in these heels and my whole body is starting to get sore by every step I'm taking to our talking round. Why am I doing that kind of shit? I don't know, maybe it will be better anytime in the future, maybe not. I can only guess what will be happening next.
"Excuse me, I was only looking for Ms McKenzie. She's fine, only being occupied with women's stuff." He's bringing the men to laugh.
"Are you really good?", the man next to me is questioning me. "You are really white in your face and your eyes are looking away."
I'm only nodding again, can't spell any letter, not even mumbling a word to the group.
After a little amount of time, I'm saying goodbye to everyone, not standing the room and the people within anymore. Why am I feeling so bad? This never happened before, it's really comical. Maybe sports are not for everyone.
I'm getting in my car, sitting behind my steering wheel and take a deep breath. Wanda, you can do it. You need the car tomorrow for work, so I must drive home tonight. Putting the key in the ignition, I am rolling off. My sight is changing between thr street and black dots, but I'm making it! I'm no weak girl, but a strong woman, clearly. I'm working hard for everything and I can't die as a grey wallflower, that's for sure. It would be really sad. A good paid worker, who had no success in making love, is kissing death. Yeah, that would be a great story for my haters, they would love my misery.
As I see my parking lot, I'm really happy that I did it! My mouth is forming a tired smile, not expressing any sounds of happiness. My bones are literally cracking as I'm lifting my sore behind up. Ouch, it really hurts, but I must lose weight, so I can make one thing in life right. It's my mission in life to be content with all the good and bad moments.
Standing before my bed, I'm falling into it and my eyes shut down like a curtain in the theater.
The next morning is greeting me with a powerful voice, singing through the radio. I'm putting my hand over the stop button, so I can sleep my tiredness away, but he has other plans for me, for example to be at work at exactly half past seven. Yeah, I like it as much as wind and rain together.
Shortly after my morning routine I'm heading out for the office. My money is not paid for lying on the couch. Honestly, some applicants think in that way. I hear them all, my boss is trusting me so far,even if he's sometimes very mean to me, like I have no value in his life, but a lot of money is changing you slowly in a dick, nobody understands why.
In the office kitchen I'm preparing the compulsory coffee and putting the cup on his office desk. Then I'm making my way out of the room and step into my personal space, where many new folders are waiting for my eyes to read and my brain to think about.
"Wanda, come into my office. We must discuss a few things about your working quality", is standing in the newly opened mail. What would he want to discuss? I don't understand his indirect statement to my way of doing the job. Panic spreads out in my stomach, my face is redding like a tomato. Oh my god, what should I do?
I'm knocking on his door and open said thing to confront my boss.
"Wanda, please have a seat. I need your notes of the gala yesterday."
He has throwed my clipboard away, he certainly knows, hasn't he?