Chereads / Memoirs of a Withering Rose / Chapter 3 - The Bud

Chapter 3 - The Bud

I lost my job from getting caught sleeping. I needed rest so badly. My eyes would not stay open and it was hot outside. I had never been so tired in my life.

With my last check , I bought a pregnancy test. They both showed positive. So I bought another test. Again, two positives. I didn't know how I would tell the man I love. I had just lost my job and he would never be ready for another child. I was so happy. But I was also devastated that I could not share this joy with him. All he seemed to worry about was the financial aspect of having a child. I even overheard him on the phone with his best friend one night. He said he knows it would break my heart if he asked me to get an abortion. Of course it would. This is my first child. Why would I ever want to get rid of it? What kind of person thinks that is okay? Definitely not me.

What's more, what kind of behavior is normal for an ex to react to that kind of news? Because my man's ex threatened to beat me up and threated to kill him and knocked his jaw all up. They've been separated for about 5 years. Why does she even have a reaction? I've been helping raise her kids. Do I ever get any kind of human consideration? Or am I a bad person? I've never done anything bad to anyone. But for some reason, I have to deal with stuff like this.

I fell in love with a grown man. A father that knows how to take care of business and has common sense. This crazy chick " loved" an immature boy that didn't know what to do with his life and got the first girl that gave him attention pregnant on accident.

6 months pregnant. I find out it is a boy. Finally, I am so glad it is a boy. There is way too much estrogen in the house as it is. I had two jobs during my pregnancy. At first I was a canvasser for a security company. I had to walk all over neighborhoods in the hot, rain and dark. But it was good money. Then I became way too big to walk that much comfortably. I felt like a blimp. So I got a hostess job at a texmex restaurant. They had delicious food and coworkers that were friendly and positive. I loved working there.

My stomach began to drop. I was waddling. Every customer asked me if I was okay and when I was expecting. Because it looked like I was going into labor any minute. I had to sign out for maternity leave. The day was growing near that the love of my life would arrive. I went to the hospital once, thinking my water had possibly broke. But they told me I would know when it did. Because it would be a lot of liquid. They sent me home and told me to walk and the get some rest.

It was night time. Me, My man and both of his parents went for a long walk outside. The girls were with their mom this day. I did not want to move. I felt so heavy. But I kept going, determined to bring him into the world as soon as I could.

11pm..... I was laying in bed beside my man. He was watching YouTube videos. I was trying to rest. But the videos were so loud and bright that I couldn't. That's when the pain started. It felt like someone was grabbing my insides and running knife across my lower stomach. It happened what felt like every five minutes. But he timed it and it was every 20 minutes. I called my OBGYN. We needed to go to the hospital!

He decided he needed to shower and have a couple of cigarettes. So he had his dad drive me to the hospital. His dad can't see well enough to drive in the dark. It was midnight. His parents drove me to the hospital and went in with me. The pain was kind of bearable at that time. A nurse came and took me in a wheelchair to labor and delivery. This is when I realised this was really happening.

My foster mom came. Contractions got rapidly worse and closer. They induced me. With my foster mom on my right and my man on my left, I felt like I was going to die. There was a Filipina nurse that kept checking my dilation during contractions. I wish she would go away. They gave me an epidural. But apparently I have something called the red head gene. It did not work. I felt everything. I kept passing out from the pain. So they gave me synthetic oxygen. I kept looking at my mom. She was the only one in the room who I felt understood what I felt. In an instant I went from feeling like I was dying, to feeling the biggest relief and happiness in my life.

4:35pm on August 1st, 2017. That's when my love entered the world. I won't say his first name. But his middle name, I gave him in honor of my grandfather. Jay.