Inappropriate, furious laughter bubbled out of me and once I started I couldn't stop.. I was becoming hysterical. I stumbled quickly from the dance floor and out to the balcony so as not to cause a scene.. then Blade was there towering over me and the laughter died in my throat.
"Congratulations.. Blade.. great.. joke."
I knew it wasn't a joke but I wanted him to think that the very idea of marrying him was laughable. His lips thin, anger radiating from him, he went to grab my arm but I dodged and his fingers clenched into a fist in the space between us.
"Tasha-"
"No! You don't speak! You know, it's funny Blade, the last time I saw you you RAPED me, then you sent me masses of apologies - though you've never been clear on what exactly you're sorry for - and now you seem angry with ME?! Whatever your reasons for thinking it was acceptable to R*PE me I DON'T ACCEPT THEM! You could have talked to me, you could have done anything except what you did. Do you understand that what you did was R*PE? Now to FORCE me to marry you you're holding my brothers location over my head. It's always force with you isn't it.."
By the end of my rage fuelled rant I was sobbing, but they were angry tears, cathartic tears.
I wasn't sad. I was free.
"If you can find my brother then I can find him. I don't need you. Not for anything."
I turned to go back inside, away from him, but he came up behind me and wrapped me in his arms, his face nestled into my neck. I felt the wetness against my skin and I knew he was crying, but I couldn't allow that to soften my heart.
He had hurt me.. so badly.. and instead of learning from it he had decided to use force against me again. This time with my brother as the bait.
"Blade.. I loved you.. I had fallen in love with you. I loved you and you hurt me. You keep hurting me."
At my words, admitting that I had been in love with him, his grip tightened, his cries catching in his throat, but I firmly pushed his hands off of me and walked away.
If he had come to me with my brothers location, if he had admitted what he had done and shown remorse then maybe I could have begun to forgive him but he did what he always did - he tried to MAKE me.
It just proved he didn't understand and I had finally realised it wasn't my place to teach him. Provided Blade had been telling the truth then I now knew that Jaxson was locatable. That was all that mattered.
Just before moving through the door and back into the main room, my traitorous heart tricked my eyes into looking back at him. He was on his knees, hands over his head, grasping his hair and I came so close to running back, to embracing him, soothing him, taking the pain away.
It was for that very reason, though, that I turned from him again and stepped through the door. My instinct with him was always to help him, to protect him from pain.. but his was always to doubt me and to hurt me. Together.. we were toxic.
* * *
I awoke, hung over and dazed, to the feeling of a pussy gripping me, riding me, pounding into me. It felt good.
Over the last six months, I'd been drunk most of the time, but when I woke up, Kat was always there, fucking me or sucking me into a better mood.
The wedding yesterday had been awful and I was feeling brutal. Taking Kat by the throat I pulled her down until I could bite her lip, not easing the pressure until she bled. The filthy bitch loved it.
Throwing her off of my dick, I pushed her face down on the bed before grabbing her hips and ruthlessly fucking her, not caring about her release, until I pulled out and coated her back and ass in my come. Grabbing a fistful of her hair, I pulled her head back roughly, until her ear was next to my mouth, her back arched.
"I told you Kat, you wanna fuck.. that's fine, but use a fucking condom or I'm not touching you again.. you got me? I'm never gonna marry you even if you get pregnant. Now get the fuck outta my house."
I hated her - I did- but fuck it.. she was easy pussy. Hell, if T was more like Kat then maybe she wouldn't be crying r*pe right now.
I grabbed the whiskey off the bedside table and downed a couple mouthfuls, trying to erase the memories of her tearful screams yesterday when she had told me I raped her.
It wasn't.. I didn't.. I couldn't. Feeling sick I ran to the toilet and threw up what little food I had in me, the majority being alcohol which burned on the way back up.
Fuck, why did she think I'd been so fucked up the last half year? I'd been trying to forget!
I knew that if I could just get her tied to me, through marriage, I could work on her and over time she'd forget what had happened and love me again.
Jaxson hadn't worked but I'd keep going until I found something she couldn't say no to. She'd be mine again, she would. Nate and Lane were on a two month world trip for their honeymoon so it was the best chance to get at her.. no back up to get in the way.
Feeling better I stepped into a hot shower thinking over my plan.