"I hurt you baby and I fucked Katrina almost daily for the last few months. I feel sick."
I couldn't meet his eyes, because I knew if I did I'd forgive him everything. If I forgave him wouldn't that make me a weak idiot? No, it wasn't his fault. None of it. He was a victim as much as I was, maybe more.
I hate that word. We weren't victims. We were survivors.
I finally raised my eyes to his and there was so much emotion contained in his that I couldn't help but smile. Those were not the cold, hard eyes of before.
"It wasn't you. Blade.. do you remember everything that happened?"
Blade sat on the bed beside me, reaching out to hold one of my hands, rubbing his thumb back and forth absently.
"I remember everything. Fuck kitten, what I did.. the way I left you."
The words were torn from his throat, eyes squeezed shut - the torment on his face so intense I scrambled onto his lap, snuggling my head under his chin, wrapping my arms tightly around his waist.
"Blade.. it wasn't you.. what about me? I killed you and I was myself."
The image of his bloody, lifeless body flew across my minds eye and I shuddered, my body shaking whilst Blade soothed me.
"Baby, if not for that I would have died a monster. You taking that knife, that was brave kitten, that was you standing up and fighting.. protecting yourself. I'm fucking proud of you Tasha!"
I reached up blindly until I had his face clasped between my hands, holding him in place before meeting his lips in the gentlest, sweetest kiss of my life.
It was apology and forgiveness and new beginnings all rolled into one sensual, cleansing embrace. Pulling back I blinked up at him, my heart in my eyes when clarity came screeching back to me!
"Wait!! You were poisoned?! Who.. what.. how?"
Blade snickered at my change of subject and my heart warmed at the sound, so funny how now he was back to normal the differences were screamingly obvious..
"I'll give you three guesses wildcat.. I don't know what she hoped to gain from killing me slowly. Maybe she thought she could get me to marry her and inherit everything."
My body went cold as I realised how dangerous she was and how much evil she was capable of.
"At the bar that night I panicked seeing her again and tried to do damage control but she must have slipped me the first drug that night because otherwise I never would have continued that charade of dating her."
"Shh, Blade, it's not important. All that matters is you're back and everything is going to be okay. Do you still remember where Jaxon is?"
Blade looked away shamefacedly and I knew before he spoke what he was going to say.
"That was a lie to get you to marry me, I hadn't even tried to find him but believe me every resource I have will go towards locating him. President Night is back!"
I giggled and he smirked in response, pecking me on the end of the nose before rising from the bed.
"I need to go and deal with a few things baby.. try and explain to Nate. I'm so fucking happy he kicked the shit out of me.. I deserved so much worse."
"Please stop doing that. You cannot blame yourself - everything bad that happened was because of Katrina. You were innocent please don't waste time being angry at yourself."
Flashing me another smile he left the room, phone already to his ear and I lay down, asleep before my head hit the pillow.
* * *
"- we need to deal with Katrina and Hazel and find Jaxson."
I woke slowly, catching the tail end of Blade's sentence, my heart warming knowing he was already taking control and getting things done.
Seeing I was awake he brought his conversation to an end quickly.
"One thing I don't understand.. you're the one who was poisoned for months, had a life threatening illness and was stabbed.. but I'm the one lying in a hospital bed?!"
Grinning, Blade leaned in, resting his arms on the bed beside me, with his chin on top so we were eye to eye.
"That's because I was already admitted and had all the required surgeries and medications whilst you were wandering the streets - for days - mourning me. I gotta say I didn't realise you were so devoted to me."
Smirking playfully, Blade dodged my pillow when I tried to bash it into his face, laughing uninhibitedly.
"Seriously though baby, you were severely dehydrated and suffering from malnutrition. You were close to death yourself."
That was a sobering statement and I realised that had Blade not come for me, I would have perished at my fathers graveside.
"Blade - never mind.."
The words 'I love you' were lodged in my throat but I felt them with every breath I took.
"Can I meet the twins?"
* * *
Thirty minutes later Blade showed the twins into my room. They were stunningly gorgeous.. like it was ridiculous that his parents had four such outstanding looking children. I kind of felt like their reproductive organs should be studied because this wasn't normal!
I remember Blade said they were 16, but that was a long while ago so they were likely 17 by now. Parker was the spitting image of Blade, the same liquid golden eyes and raven black hair but though Madison had their eyes her hair was a platinum almost white blonde.
Blade held the door for them as they entered but paused before following them in.
"Kids, would you rather speak to her alone or is it okay if I'm here?"
The twins exchanged a weighted glance before agreeing to let Blade in.
After we had made our introductions I explained to the kids about my abusive childhood and what Katrina had done to me and Blade - obviously leaving out the rape - and as I spoke they paled and sat closer together clearly realising that we would once again be asking them what had happened to them.
"Believe me.. Maddy.. Parker.. we WILL get justice and Katrina WILL pay. At this point I'd bet my life that she was involved in what happened to your sister. Please trust me and your brother to protect you and to help you. Please please tell us what she did to you."
Maddy started crying softly, Parker and Blade sitting either side of her, their arms around her.
"Parker, tell them."
Maddy was speaking into Parker's shoulder and it was clear that whatever they were going to disclose was deeply scarring.
"Katrina, she came to a family dinner and when Mads and I went to my room she followed us. She locked the door and said the fun was about to start."
Parker broke off suddenly, the words too hard to say and Blade looked at me helplessly. I don't know who was more shocked when Maddy's soft voice spoke up.
"She said she'd put an aphrodisiac in our drinks at dinner. We thought she was being weird but we didn't think.. a few seconds later we were both overcome with this burning heat.. I can't even explain and it was like we weren't in control of our bodies."
Blade and I looked at each other in horror as the sickening reality of where this was going dawned on us. Parker picked up where his sister left off.
"We did.. stuff.. the drug made me.. with the other half of me.. my twin"
Parker's sobs racked his lean frame and I felt the wetness on my cheeks as my heart bled for what these poor kids had suffered at just 14 years old.
"Just before we had actual sex she separated us and gave us the antidote. She said that's a small example of her power and if we ever told anyone you'd be disgusted by us, hate us and would keep us apart and that she'd make us go all the way next time."
Blade drew the twins into an embrace, reassuring them that it wasn't their fault, that they were innocent and that there was nothing they could do that would stop him loving them.