" Just as some people may conceal
their own sinfulness thus
seeming better than the norm,
others expose their own
sinfulness thus seeming worse
than the norm."
--Criss Jami.
_________________
Edward
15 years back.
As I had mentioned earlier that its been a while since I settled nextdoor to Blue.
Never would have imagined earlier that such simplistic life can bring me so much pleasure. This was what a normal life should be in my standards.For them I was a regular guy working with university council and leading a carefree life.Hence I led my days like that.
Everyday for 2 hours I would work as an college ambassador and rest of the day,I was either Polly(Blue's mother)in her endeavors of gardening or painting or I would be lounging with Leo(Blue's father) debating all the while on every controversial topics available.On a serious note,I was having the time of my life.I got a family who welcomed me with open arms.Moreover without any expectations.
My proximity to this particular family had me know these people as my own.Leo is specifically quite withdrawn and silent man, an extreme introvert like his daughter and the most kindest man ever.His presence sometimes is outworldly with broad shoulders and looming height for average ones.And thank heavens I am few inches taller.On the other hand Polly is Amazonian beauty with inky hair gliding past shoulders and who is jovial and creative.To be honest that it mesmerizes me often how exact these two opposite people can become so hopelessly in love and the best buddies of each other. Incredible isn't it?
Yet amongst all sublime experience, I learnt one fact.Never is any family as perfect as it seems from exterior. It might look like a well-oiled machine working without glitches but it's not.
All of us have our own vices.In times of cold tension, I have seen Leo to become irresponsible,unrealistically stubborn and Polly trying to control the reins of her shimmering anger.Don't get me wrong but often have I thought of suggesting Polly with anger management therapy yet I couldn't. I know I should have but I knew why she acted like a volcano. Her limits of conscience seemed to be snapping frequently and that's inevitable because her extended family were big losers. Thus we all have our own painful stories...
Nevermind, let's jump on to certain day.
That day I was in my rented apartment freshly back from work .Immediately I had started painting on my canvas, when Angus settled himself beside me and blatantly just started at me.I don't know what but I was moody and hence to cope my stress I distracted myself with my oil painting.
Soon though I sensed Angus's thorough glance, hence I fidgeted and after a while when I couldn't suppress any more of my curiosity I peered back at him. Something fishy was going through his mind.I was damn sure for I am very much acquainted with his steely stare.His eyes glimmered like sharp katanas. Only if looks could have killed....I could have been in a coffin by now
"When will you mention her about your past?",asked Angus .
Alas,the sky finally dropped on me.We had this conversation quite many times now but irks me nonetheless.
"I am...I was...,"this was all I could manage.
Believe me that solitary thought had tormented me each night.What would happen if Blue sees through my facade,how would I explain her that I had never meant to hide this or better what would happen when I have to go back and resume my work with my The Evil trailing my footsteps.....
Ahhh, clenching my hair roots in a death's grip I started hyperventilating.A cold sweat broke out at my temples and suddenly I felt thirsty.Only if I had the ability to rocking on my chair I would have even. I was unable to manoeuvre .
Moments later however I felt a strong warm hand around my shoulders.Angus knew me well.Breathing hard,I hopped out from the chair and made way to the patio.I knew without glancing back that he would follow me.Hence as soon as we were settled over the recliner,I timidly whispered to Angus.
" I can't...even if I want to...",I choked out.
" How I am gonna confront Blue ?"
"She hates lies,Angus.How will I confide her that I am not a mere someone but in real business I am considered to be one of few vicious ruthless kings.That I am one of richest billionaires in existence ,that I an orphan who even was a murderer of soughts...I can't lose her now when I have finally tasted tranquillity."
"Shhhh...",cooed Angus.
"I can't fathom to lose her",I seethed.
I had completely lost it then.Again I couldn't I leave my life in shambles.
"You are endangering her this way,Eddie",Angus deduced.
"But if you truly care which you do then let her know or else this thing will be irreparable."
Then he turned and left me behind with my dry sobs.
"Blue I...,"I couldn't finish the sentence even when I was lonely.