Her shadow is always in my mind and our memories just become nightmare and guilty
All about the sweetness now turning into ashes.
Li Jun Jie.
***
I don't know when I transformed into my man body but I don't feel any pain when I wake up this morning. I remember last night, I had drunk. Is wine can help reduce the pain? So this morning I insisted on investigating Jia Ming Yue. I have to find her. I don't have any clue but meeting her last night made me know that she is here. Before she is gone, I have to find her. I have to talk to meet her even though I still don't know what I shall talk to her.
"Young Master, do you want to go?" Xiao Ran asked when I met her in the corridor.
"Uhm."
"Then let me follow you."
"No need. I wanna go alone."
I want to look around and I don't want anyone to follow me even if I don't let Yu Wen follow me. I don't want if something bad happens I will bring Yu Wen down with me. I don't want to make mistakes anymore.
Today the city is crowded. A lot of people are shopping on the street but I am going to the riverbank where I met her last night. Perhaps I still hoping that I can meet her over there but when I see no one except me
With this body I feel so weak but I don't have a choice. I prefer to find Jia Ming Yue as Li Jun Jie. I wanna meet her. I know that I am so naïve. I know from the start Jia Ming Yue never loved me. She never looked at me, even all women in the city knew me as a handsome man but for Jia Ming Yue, I was just eye sore for her.
I am so stupid but I can't stop this love. I can't stop loving her. Even though I had slept with a lot of girls, there is only Jia Ming Yue in my heart. I tainted my reputation as a minister's son because I don't think about marriage if I am not with her. I know her heart isn't for me but heard from her mouth that she betrayed my family, my heart broken into the pieces. I just can blame myself.
Now, I am still looking for her. I want to see her. I want to hug her. I am stupid, right? Even though she had been killed my family, I still don't want to kill her.
"Li Jun Jie. You were here?"
I hear her voice from behind. I don't know what I should feel right now. I turned around and saw Jia Ming Yue in her amber clothes. I remember that she likes amber colour.
"Ming Yue."
She looks at me with full resentment. I don't understand why she always looks at me with that gaze. I approach her but she points a sword in her palm on me. This scene makes my heart hurt. Can she explain to me?
"Don't come near!" She shouted at me and looked so mad then I understood that I have to stop. "Li Jun Jie, do you know that I always hate you? I always hold this feeling? I am so disgusted by you and the Li family! Do you know that I always wait for the time when Li Jun Yang died."
"What?!"
I am shocked with her words…
"But my family always treats you as a daughter but…"
"What….You said daughter?" She laughed but I knew she was just mocking me. "Do you know how your father had been blamed my father for what he had been done?! Do you know that I have to hold this grudge and act as a good girl in front of your family. They treat me as their slave. I have to help you."
"But…"
"Have you ever known what I want the most?! I want to kill all the Li family, so when I get the chance why I have to let go of that chance since your father's sins are so big. You can see how Sky hears my prayers?!"
"Ming Yue…you…"
"Why? I am here, in front of you. You can kill me."
Kill her? How come I can kill her since in my heart there is only her? Her eyes were full of resentment towards me. She had been killed my family and I was supposed to kill her too but I cannot. Her shadow is always stuck in my mind and our memories just become nightmare and guilty. All about the sweetness now turning into ashes.
"Why!!! Li Jun Jie doesn't act like a righteous man! I know you want to kill me! Kill me now or you will regret!"
I am shocked and now I don't know what to do. I just can blame myself for loving her.
"I know that I am not a good person so why do you keep me alive?!"
"What?!"
"Ming Yue, have you ever liked me?"
"I never like you. Not a little bit.", she said. " Do you know? I don't have any intention to keep you alive. That time I couldn't find you and they said that you escaped. I don't understand why the Sky let you still alive until now since I gave you poison and now you surprise me. I never thought that we could meet here. Why are you still alive! Li Jun Jie, I hate you! I hate you! I wish you go to hell!"
"What…."
I am broken right now when I hear her curse me. Why do I give my heart to her? I let my family die in her hand and Cheng Sheng Lin. Supposedly, I killed her now but in front of Jia Ming Yue, my body became numb. Why am I so weak?! I hate myself now.
"Jia Ming Yue, Do you know that I love you? I promise to protect you but-"
"Li Jun Jie! You said you want to protect me?!" She is laughing. "You even cannot protect your family. How come I trust your promise?! Li Jun Jie, your love just trash and burden for me? How can I trust a 'love' word from a man like you?!"
"Jia Ming Yue…my promise to you is real."
"Puih!! I feel so disgusted now!"
She wants to slash my neck fortunately I can avoid her attack. To be honest, I never know if Jia Ming Yue can do martial arts. I am startled because she is really excellent in martial art. I am so lucky because Yu Wen came and helped me. I saw them attack each other until Ming Yue stopped but later Cheng Sheng Lin came with his army!
His fierce face meets mine. I don't understand why this man is always disturbing me.
"Li Jun Jie, just give up!"
"Never!"
"Ming Yue! You bring him here?!"
"Yes, I am!"