Kajol had reached safely to her vacation destination in Goa. She was looking forward to spending some quality time alone and think about her way forward with her company vision board and her personal life which was currently in disarray. She checked into her hotel suite, opened her tab to see what was in her itinerary for the day. She had a spa appointment at 3 pm so she decided to take a nap before the appointment. She set an alarm making a mental note to have time to take a shower before the appointment to alleviate her fatigue.
Kajol woke up to the blaring sound of her alarm clock, she hoped into the shower and she was out of her hotel room door within 15 minutes. She got to the spa and proceeded for her treatment, she tried to relax into the plush spa chair, the scent of lavender and eucalyptus essential oil swirling around her, she was getting a foot massage. She wanted to be alone and she had neglected her self-care regimen due to the divorce and wanting to prove herself worth at work.
She tried to relax but it wasn't working because all her thoughts shifted to Shah Rukh anytime she closed her eyes. He inhabited her dreams the entire night and she went to Goa to get away from him and this proved her attempts futile. It was a relentless loop. The divorce had left her raw, a gaping wound of loneliness and insecurity. She craved connection and intimacy, it had been months before the divorce when Varun had last made love to her. Anytime she initiated it, he told her it was of no use because she wouldn't get pregnant at the end of it. She had let him do whatever he wanted because she loved him and believed that he loved her too, maybe the frustration of not getting a child was getting to him, she tried to convince herself.
It had been a year since her separation and her divorce. It had hurt her when Varun had rather moved in with Karishma and their child. That move itself had made Kajol question herself a lot, if she was blind the entire time they were together. He was a jerk and she had loved him with everything she had, the only man she had loved the entire 36 years of her life in this world, she pictured them growing old together but life is what happens when we are busy making plans huh.
She shifted to the massage area which broke her chain of thought. The warmth of the massage therapist's hands against her back was welcome, she was starting to feel rejuvenated but it did nothing to soothe the turmoil within her. Shah Rukh was all she kept thinking about, the way he looked at her made Kajol feel different. Her train of thought shifted to the house deal she was supposed to close in on for her new beach house. She was happy because it was her first big girl purchase alone without anyone having a say on it. She had looked up house listings and immediately she saw it she fell in love with the interior decor and decided that she will first view it then make her decision.
After the massage, she got her facial done then went to the steam room. After the rejuvenating treatment she left the Beauty parlour with a bounce on her step. She called Rahul to pick her up and take her to the house they were supposed to view. Her mother had insisted that she flies with Rahul on her private jet to Goa for security reasons and she reluctantly agreed which now she thought that it was a good idea but she wouldn't tell her mom that. She tried her best to keep away from the limelight her entire career and it had worked perfectly well until her divorce although she was still happy that people in Goa hadn't recognized her at all.
They reached the house and Kajol couldn't help but fall in love with the serene environment. She loved the details in the mansion, it was a three bedroom house with four baths. She loved the high ceilings and the white walls. She decided to close the deal immediately, the realtor hurriedly handed her the paperwork. "Congratulations ma'am" Rahul addressed her, "Thank you am happy with this decision" Kajol said with a bright smile on her face.
She contacted her lawyer to double check the contract on her behalf before transferring the money. She went back to her hotel room and video called her mom to inform her about the house. She went for her dinner at the hotel restaurant and decided to walk along the beach to take a breather. She met Rahul at the beach and declined when he asked to accompany her.
She decided to go back to her room, she packed her bags as she was supposed to shift to the house the next day. She took a shower called room service for chai.
She took her tea and settled in bed with a business journal in hand. She liked to keep herself updated all the time, as she turned the page she came face to face with a photo of Shah Rukh and Gauri. The article was about Gauri's recent achievement in interior decoration. She felt guilty reading the article considering the kiss she had shared with Gauri's husband. She unhooked her phone from the charger which was on her bedside table and decided to stalk Gauri's social media handles and after that she browsed the Internet and looked up her very decorated business portfolio. Gauri was well known as a celebrity interior decorator, she was elegant and sophisticated. Kajol was green with envy.
She stopped whatever she was doing and asked herself why she was feeling envious of Gauri, Shah Rukh was her husband afterall, she had rights over Shah Rukh and not her. She thought about the kiss they had shared in her office, one moment she was angry at his power move to belittle her in front of her staff, the next minute he had connected his lips to hers and the most shameful thing about it is that she knew it was wrong but she indulged him. She had responded when his tongue prodded her lower lip for entrance to explore her mouth and she explored his mouth too, his taste was intoxicating for her, the kiss was mind blowing. Her own desires overridding the cautious voice in her head.
He was a married man, a fact that had been momentarily forgotten in the heat of the moment, but now it looked large over her causing her guilt. She wasn't ready to bear the complications that would come out of pursuing the affair. But the thought of turning away, of denying herself the chance to explore this connection felt even more daunting. She could clearly remember the look of lust on his eyes before he kissed her, it was a dangerous allure but also intoxicating.
She picked up her phone going to her contacts list, her thumb hovered over Shah Rukh's number. She unblocked his contact and thought of calling him, it was 11 pm she decided against it. He might be asleep with his wife next to him, a flicker of jealousy ran through her as she thought to herself. She was in her bed, cold and alone fantasizing about another woman's husband just because of a kiss they shared which might have not even meant anything to him. Maybe he just lusted after her, she found him attractive, yes she admitted to herself. She was also lusting after him too or was it just the outcome of him kissing her and awakening her sexual desires that she had managed to control for long. It had been two years since she had felt a man's touch on her body, maybe she was just horny and needed to ease up her pent up tension so she could concentrate on her work.
She typed a message, a simple one, to let Shah Rukh know that she needed to see him once she was back in Delhi. She wanted to talk about the kiss, feelings and she was still thinking about her willingness to pursue the affair or not. She pressed send, she was apprehensive because she was stepping into uncharted territory that entailed complicated emotions and unspoken need. Was she ready to take the risk and face the consequences later?
She closed her eyes willing herself to sleep and minutes later she was in deep sleep..." What are you doing in my room" Kajol asked in a haze. " You called me here, I left everything I was doing to be here with you" Shah Rukh replied. " Who called, I didn't call you it must have been a mistake" Kajol answered in a confused state. Shah Rukh showed her the message on his phone moving to sit next to her on the bed, immediately she looked up from his phone, he caught her lips with his own. His hands were all over her skin the heat of his body radiating her own. She couldn't deny her sexual attraction to him anymore.
He laid her down on the bed without breaking from the kiss. The kiss deepened becoming more insistent, more demanding. A soft moan escaped her lips as she took Shah Rukh's hand and guided it to her center and he disappeared...."
Kajol fell down from her bed and landed on the floor with a thud. It was all a dream she thought to herself in a huff, clicking her lips together she stood up and sat on her bed, she looked at her alarm clock and it was just 3 am. The lingering warmth of the dream still clinging to her mind. She couldn't help but feel the dull throbbing in between her legs, she needed to stop thinking about him. Or take care of the situation herself. A blush crept up her cheek as the details of the dream solidified in her mind. The dream had been vivid and intimate a world away from the cold reality of her empty bed.
A wave of guilt washed over her an unwelcome sensation. She squeezed her eyes shut trying to erase the images but they were persistent. She berated herself, how could I?. It was one thing to think about him during the day, stolen moments of fantasy but to the extent of dreaming about him, she was beginning to cross boundaries. A confirmation of her deepest most shameful desires.
She knew she needed to put distance between them, but after the contract she had signed it would be impossible. She rolled onto her side, pulling the covers tight around her. The silence in the room seemed to amplify her guilt. As uncomfortable as the reality of her situation is she needed to talk to Shah Rukh.