Ethan was seconds away from breaking down.
On his left, Celestia, Second Princess of the Kingdom, had already placed a hand on her sword, her royal aura radiating confidence.
On his right, Iris von Eisenberg, SSS-Rank Battle Maniac, was smirking, her fiery red hair flickering in the wind like living flames.
And between them?
Ethan, the poor bastard who wanted nothing to do with this.
"Alright, STOP," Ethan interrupted immediately. "We are NOT doing this. No duels. No fights. No swinging swords around my farm!"
Celestia didn't even look at him.
"If she intends to take you, I cannot allow it," she declared.
Iris grinned. "Oh? Then stop me."
Ethan grabbed his head. "I AM NOT SOME WAR TROPHY."
Tamamo, sipping tea in the background, giggled.
"Ara~ How romantic~ Two women fighting for your hand, Ethan~"
Ethan whipped around. "STOP NARRATING THIS LIKE A LOVE STORY."
Tamamo smiled innocently. "Oh? But what else could this be~?"
Ethan squinted.
"…A disaster."
Then—
SHING.
The sound of a sword leaving its sheath sent chills down Ethan's spine.
He turned back—and his stomach dropped.
Celestia had drawn her blade.
A long, slender sword, pure white with intricate golden engravings, its polished surface reflecting the sunlight.
Ethan panicked.
"WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT—"
SHINK.
Iris unsheathed her greatsword.
Unlike Celestia's elegant weapon, Iris' sword was a beast.
It was **massive—longer than she was tall—blackened steel with deep crimson engravings. The kind of sword that didn't cut through enemies, but rather, obliterated them.
Iris grinned.
"You don't mind a little spar, do you, Princess?"
Celestia narrowed her eyes. "I do not. But do not assume I will hold back."
Iris laughed. "Good. It'd be boring if you did."
Ethan's soul left his body.
"NO, NO, NO, NO—"
WHOOSH.
In an instant, Iris vanished.
Ethan barely had time to react before—
BOOM.
Iris appeared directly in front of Celestia, swinging her greatsword down at lightning speed.
Celestia blocked instantly, but the force shook the ground, cracking the dirt beneath her feet.
Ethan screamed internally.
OH GODS, THEY WERE ACTUALLY FIGHTING.
Celestia counterattacked, striking with swift, precise movements.
Iris grinned, dodging by mere inches, her fiery red hair whipping through the air.
And then—
CRASH.
A giant tree in the distance split in half.
Ethan choked.
WHY.
WHY WERE THEY DESTROYING HIS FARM?!
Meanwhile, the knights were freaking out.
"Y-YOUR HIGHNESS! PLEASE STOP—"
"THEY'RE GOING TO LEVEL THIS VILLAGE—"
"THAT RED-HAIRED MONSTER JUST KICKED A HORSE INTO THE SKY—"
Ethan felt like crying.
THIS WAS HIS LIFE NOW.
Then—
"Ara~ Looks like things are getting heated~"
Ethan snapped.
He whirled on Tamamo, who was still sitting casually, sipping tea like she was watching a stage play.
"WHY ARE YOU SO RELAXED?!"
Tamamo smirked. "Oh my~ But isn't it wonderful? So much passion~"
"PASSION FOR WHAT?! MY FARM BEING DESTROYED?!"
Then, suddenly—
BOOM.
A shockwave of force blew past them.
Ethan looked back—
Just in time to see Celestia and Iris still clashing, their swords locked together, fierce grins on both their faces.
Ethan was beyond done.
THAT'S IT. NO MORE MR. NICE FARMER.
And then—
He moved.
Without thinking, he stepped between them.
And then—
WHAM.
He slammed his hands on both of their weapons.
And the instant he did—
CRACK.
Both weapons shattered.
Silence.
Horrified, absolute silence.
Celestia's eyes widened. "…What?"
Iris froze. "Huh?"
Ethan?
Ethan was also frozen.
Because, oh.
Oh, no.
He had just broken the weapons of an SSS-Rank adventurer and a royal princess.
With his bare hands.
Celestia and Iris stared at him.
Then at their now broken swords.
Then back at him.
Ethan, sweating bullets, immediately spoke.
"…W-Wait. I can explain."
Tamamo let out the most delighted giggle he had ever heard.
"Oh my~ My dear Ethan, how cruel~ Breaking a lady's weapon so effortlessly…"
Ethan was panicking.
"I DIDN'T MEAN TO."
Iris slowly grinned.
"…Stronger than steel," she murmured.
Ethan's stomach dropped.
"NO, WAIT—"
Celestia, still in shock, whispered, "That level of raw strength… it's not human."
Ethan felt like dying.
"YES, IT IS. I'M TOTALLY NORMAL."
Tamamo smirked.
"Oh? But isn't it strange, Princess? He denies being strong… yet he effortlessly crushed two legendary weapons~"
Ethan whipped around. "STOP. TALKING."
But the damage was already done.
Celestia and Iris were now looking at him with completely new expressions.
Recognition.
Realization.
And worst of all—
Interest.
Iris grinned.
"…I knew it," she said.
Ethan flinched. "Knew what?"
Iris stepped closer, her eyes burning with excitement.
"You're the strongest person I've ever met," she said.
Ethan internally screamed.
"NO, I'M NOT."
Celestia, still watching him carefully, slowly smiled.
"This confirms it," she said. "You're no ordinary farmer."
Ethan froze.
"…No. No, no, no. You're misunderstanding—"
Then, before he could fully deny it—
Mia, who had been watching silently this whole time, suddenly gasped.
"WAIT. BIG BRO, ARE YOU ACTUALLY A SECRET HERO?!"
Ethan screamed.
"NO, I'M A FARMER, DAMMIT!"
Tamamo laughed.
Celestia and Iris were now officially obsessed.
And Ethan's peaceful farm life?
Officially dead.