Ethan woke up to the sound of marching.
Marching.
On his farm.
His peaceful farm.
For a few blissful seconds, he thought it had been a dream.
That yesterday hadn't happened.
That Celestia and Iris weren't here.
That his home hadn't been invaded by a royal princess, an SSS-rank lunatic, and a fox spirit who thrived on his suffering.
That everything was back to normal.
…And then he looked out his window.
And saw an entire military formation drilling in his wheat field.
Ethan stared.
Slowly, very slowly, he turned and buried his face into his pillow.
"…I hate my life."
Then—
"OH MY~ SUCH A BEAUTIFUL MORNING~!"
The bedroom door slammed open with dramatic flair.
Ethan's eye twitched violently.
He already knew.
He already knew who it was.
Slowly, with the deadest expression known to mankind, he lifted his head.
And there, standing in his room like she owned the place, was Tamamo.
Wearing his spare robe.
Drinking his tea.
Standing on his floor like a goddess of smugness.
She smiled.
"Ara~ Good morning, dear Ethan~"
Ethan wanted to scream.
Instead, he took a deep breath.
Then, in a completely calm, level voice—
"Tamamo."
"Yes~?"
"Get out of my room."
Tamamo giggled. "Oh my~ How rude! What if I was your lovely wife waking you up in the morning~?"
Ethan immediately grabbed his pillow and threw it at her face.
THUD.
Tamamo easily dodged.
She grinned. "Fufu~ How feisty this morning~"
Ethan sat up sharply.
"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?!"
Tamamo tilted her head innocently. "Ara? Isn't it obvious?"
She gestured dramatically outside.
"Your dear guests are hard at work training!"
Ethan twitched.
"THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING."
He stormed to the window.
And sure enough—
Celestia's knights were conducting full military drills in his wheat field.
Iris was fighting five knights at once, laughing like a madwoman.
Celestia was standing on his fence, barking orders like a war general.
And Mia—MIA—was cheering them on like a sports team.
Ethan felt like dying.
Tamamo sipped her tea. "Ara~ Your farm is looking quite lively now, isn't it?"
Ethan's eye twitched.
"Tamamo."
"Yes, dear~?"
"I will throw you out this window."
Tamamo giggled. "Fufu~ How violent~ But you'd never do that to your precious fiancée~"
Ethan snapped.
"YOU ARE NOT MY FIANCÉE!"
Unfortunately, at that exact moment—
Mia passed by the door.
She froze.
Ethan froze.
Mia slowly turned toward them.
She looked at Tamamo in a robe.
She looked at Ethan, sitting on his bed, looking disheveled.
She looked back at Tamamo.
Her face turned pale.
And then—
Mia let out a horrified gasp.
"OH NO."
Ethan panicked.
"WAIT—"
"D-DID YOU TWO—?!"
Ethan jumped up. "MIA, NO. NO, NO, NO."
Mia covered her face. "OH GODS, BIG BRO, I KNEW YOU TWO WERE CLOSE, BUT I DIDN'T THINK—"
"NOTHING HAPPENED!"
Tamamo just smiled.
"Fufu~ My, my~ Ethan, how bold of you to start rumors so early in the morning~"
Ethan grabbed his head.
"TAMAMO, I SWEAR TO—"
Then—
BOOM.
Something exploded outside.
Ethan whipped around.
"…What the hell now?!"
He stormed out the door, down the stairs, and outside—
Only to find Iris grinning like a maniac, standing over the remains of a shattered training dummy.
Ethan stared.
Then turned to Celestia.
"EXPLAIN."
Celestia nodded casually.
"We are training."
Ethan twitched.
"I CAN SEE THAT."
Celestia crossed her arms. "It is necessary. A knight must never grow complacent."
Iris grinned, rolling her shoulders. "Gotta keep the body sharp. And the best way to do that—"
She turned toward Ethan, her eyes gleaming.
"—is with a real fight."
Ethan flinched.
"…Wait. No. No, no, no, no."
Iris pointed at him.
"I challenge you."
Ethan died inside.
"I REFUSE."
Celestia nodded approvingly. "Good. I would like to observe him as well."
"THAT'S NOT GOOD."
Mia clapped excitedly. "Big bro, this is amazing!"
Ethan groaned.
"NO, MIA, IT IS NOT—"
Tamamo giggled.
"Ara~ What a popular man you are, dear Ethan~"
Ethan turned to her with pure rage.
"THIS IS YOUR FAULT."
Tamamo smiled.
"Fufu~ Of course it is~"
Ethan felt his soul leaving his body.
Then—
Iris raised her sword.
"Come on," she smirked. "Let's have a duel."
Celestia nodded. "Yes. I also wish to see this."
Ethan shook his head violently.
"NO. NO, NO, NO, NO—"
But then—
Mia clasped her hands together.
"Big bro," she said sweetly. "If you don't, it'll seem like you're hiding something."
Ethan froze.
He turned to her in horror.
And then—
His entire world collapsed.
Because Mia was giving him THAT LOOK.
The "I believe in you, big bro!" look.
The one look he could never say no to.
Ethan internally screamed.
And Tamamo, watching the scene, simply laughed.
"Fufu~ How truly unfortunate~"
Ethan wanted to die.
---