Rafael stayed in the hospital lobby for hours and had slept. He came to his senses when he felt the ambulance sirens blare loudly. He was startled to be precise, and he stood up and ran to the door. He saw a Bugatti type 35 leaving after the ambulance. He then remembered what he was doing in the hospital. His best friend had had an accident. Frantically, he turned and hurriedly walked to one of the doctors coming out from the ER.
"Excuse me doctor?" he called and one of the doctors who looked like the head doctor, stood.
"Yes?"
"The girl from the accident. How is she?"
"She has been transferred to CHU de Bordeaux. She needs a very delicate surgery and who are you by the way?"
"I am...I am her...It's complicated really? But thank you for the beforehand information." he said running out.
Outside, he felt tired, guilty for being a dumbass. He wanted time to rewind and give him the chance to...to do what? He didn't even know what he wanted. He was sad and in pain. At least that, he was sure. He wanted to hold his best friend and tell her his reasons. Reasons why he couldn't be her man. Why he had made the choice to limit their relationship.
He didn't know where to start and he walked aimlessly letting his legs take him where they would. He walked thinking through things, wishing endlessly, he felt desperate and sick. Without knowing, he had walked for the five km he always avoided. It enabled him to relax, and he retired for the day. He had agreed with himself to wake up early and visit her in CHU de Bordeaux. He wanted to take things back to where they had been. Clarify some things.
In CHU de Bordeaux, disappointments waited for his arrival. He walked straight to the receptionist and asked for their ER. He also confirmed that yester night someone was admitted. A lady registered as Darling. That was good news and without dilly dallying he asked to talk to her.
"Mr...., Darling was discharged immediately her vitals improved 2 hours after surgery. Her father doesn't like hospital treatment. The doctor recommended for home treatment with a personal doctor. She will be recovering from home." she said and continued with her work as if he wasn't there.
Rafael's voice left him. He went back to his apartment too sad to even fake a smile. Why? Why was life doing this to him? He just couldn't understand. One single mistake always pulled him back to him and Kyler. He then remembered Jane and all the blood around her. He shuddered just remembering that. He was a man, he reminded himself. He had to be strong and calm. Things would slowly go back to neutral and there will be no more pain, he reminded himself.
That day was the longest. He imagined all the things they always did with Darling. How they at times allowed themselves to be children and played. Chasing each other, laughing and even cooking together and even playing house at times before they both went to their shifts. He remembered Darling telling him that her father had given her two options. to be a Dj, which was her passion or work under him in the company like her brother. If she chose to be a Dj there were no more allowances going her way. She was to become like all the other people.
As rebellious as she was, she had chosen to follow her dreams. She hated working in the company and having to live like her father. She believed, there was no fun in sitting in an office signing some papers. Now as he thought about it, he understood that her father had picked her to take her back to the life she had escaped. He had won because that must be her ultima challenge in the commoner's life.
That realization hit differently. It was over for them. Their unconfessed feelings, his mostly, would never find a way out. He deflated and slowly straightened his back and stood to go prepare for his night shift. He stood there a different man, a man withdrawn to his cocoon. He couldn't find love or was it love that couldn't give him a second chance? Every step he made to his room, every memory that flushed in his mind of Darling and him and every second he imagined how blind he had been, he hardened his heart like a rock, cooling from a volcano. Burying the torrents of pain deep inside him.
That night, he pushed himself to Isolation. He didn't want anybody doing this to him again. Coming and leaving. Everyone he had been attached to had left. He never wanted to accept but the truth was he had loved Jane, and he had been deeply hurt that day he found her whimpering in pain in their bedroom floor. He had tried to help her, but she had died in his hands. Afraid that he would be blamed for her death, he had tried to escape but at the door, he had been injected by a needle at his neck by someone above him and had lost conscious. He had had no time to mourn her or ask for an apology.
At work, he didn't join the other guards in their blabbering. He was an overthinker he like it or not he had to accept that. He zoned out not once and snapped at anyone who tried to talk to him. Days passed, and his attitude towards life remained soar. He needed her so much. He pushed people away, especially those who probed for his personal life. He rarely laughed and at home he sat on the sofa they once sat together for hours. In bed he was sleepless.
Months carried on without friends. He looked for jobs during the day instead of resting. He had insomnia yet he thought he was okay. He worked day in and out. It was highly disadvantageous but at the same time his house rent savings increased and he managed to eat healthier foods. He hated everyone and got attached to no one. People had even forgotten how he looked when he smiled. He reminded himself that the farther the people are from him, the less the attachments, the less the pain when they left him. He wanted it to always remain like that. He soon found happiness in being alone and started to grow.