Emilia is heartbroken, but she can't shake the feeling that everything between her and Aiden had been more than just her imagination. She questions herself—was it only her who felt the connection? She tries to move on but finds herself endlessly thinking about him, re-living every moment, trying to decipher what went wrong. Though Aiden had made it clear that he wasn't ready for a relationship, Emilia can't stop feeling like there was something real between them. Her thoughts become overwhelming, and she finds herself caught between the truth of what he said and the reality of how deeply she feels for him.
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Chapter 8: It Was Only Me
The ache in my chest hadn't faded. If anything, it had only grown stronger, gnawing at me every waking hour, making it impossible to focus on anything else. Aiden's words replayed in my mind like an endless loop, each time sounding sharper, more final. He wasn't ready. He wasn't settled. He couldn't give me what I deserved.
But what hurt the most was the question that lingered: was it really only me who felt that connection? Was it just in my head, something I had built up in my mind over time, weaving moments and glances into something far more significant than they were?
It felt so real. The way his eyes met mine, the way our conversations flowed so naturally, the way we laughed, the way we shared our thoughts. There was something undeniable between us, something that no one else could see but me.
Or was that just wishful thinking?
I couldn't stop myself from overthinking. It was all-consuming. The small things—the way Aiden smiled, the way he hesitated before speaking, the way his hands moved when he talked. I'd replay them over and over in my mind, each memory adding fuel to the fire that refused to go out.
But every time I thought about reaching out to him, a sinking feeling washed over me. He had made it clear. He wasn't interested in a relationship. He wasn't ready. And that thought should have been enough to push me away. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't let go.
I had started avoiding places I knew I'd run into him, not because I didn't want to see him, but because seeing him only reminded me of the pain I was trying to ignore. I had learned that looking at him from a distance only made things worse—his smile, the way his eyes lit up when he talked to someone else—it all felt like a cruel reminder that I had no claim on him.
It was only me.
I had to remind myself that it wasn't real. That whatever had passed between us, it was nothing more than a brief moment in time, a fleeting connection that didn't mean as much to him as it did to me.
But even as I told myself that, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was wrong.
I spent hours in my room, staring at my phone, wishing I could just text him, just ask him how he was, even though I knew it would only reopen the wound. My heart screamed at me to reach out, but my mind told me it wasn't worth it.
I closed my eyes, feeling the weight of exhaustion settling in my bones.
It was only me.
That thought followed me everywhere I went, like a shadow that refused to leave.
---
The next few days passed in a blur of textbooks and class lectures, the monotony of my routine doing little to ease the ache inside me. I was getting through the motions, but inside, I was drowning. I couldn't stop thinking about Aiden, and every time I saw him in class, my heart would race, only to be followed by the crushing realization that he wasn't mine, and he never would be.
It was strange, seeing him around campus—so close, and yet so far away. I couldn't stop myself from looking for him in the crowd, even though I knew it would hurt to find him, to see him talking to someone else, to see him so effortlessly moving through his life while I felt stuck, lost in a sea of confusion.
Lily noticed the change in me almost immediately.
"Emilia," she said one afternoon, as we sat outside, the autumn breeze swirling around us. "You've been acting off lately. Are you okay?"
I smiled faintly, though the smile didn't reach my eyes. "Yeah, just tired. You know, school and everything."
She raised an eyebrow. "It's more than that. I can tell. Something's bothering you."
I hesitated. I didn't want to talk about Aiden. Not yet. But she was my best friend, and I couldn't lie to her forever.
"I just... I don't know," I said finally, my voice breaking slightly. "I can't stop thinking about him. And I don't know if it's just me, but I really felt like there was something there, you know?"
Lily leaned forward, her expression softening. "You mean Aiden?"
I nodded, my throat tightening. "I don't know what it was. But I thought we had something real. But... it's just me, right? He's made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship. And I can't help but feel like I'm just fooling myself, like all of it was in my head."
Lily took my hand, her grip gentle but firm. "Emilia, I can't tell you what's in his head, but I know you. And I know you're not one to just make up feelings. If you felt a connection, it wasn't just in your head."
I let out a bitter laugh. "But why would he pull away then? If it was real for him, why didn't he give us a chance? Why say all those things about not being ready? It hurts, Lily. It really does."
"I know it does," she said softly. "But don't let his decision define you. You are not just some afterthought. You deserve someone who sees you the way you see them."
"But what if it was just me?" I whispered, my voice barely audible. "What if I imagined the whole thing?"
Lily shook her head. "Don't do that to yourself. You know better than anyone how much you care about him. But you also know that sometimes, people don't want the same things, and that's not your fault. Don't let it hurt you more than it already has."
Her words were comforting, but they didn't erase the pain. It was still there, gnawing at me, reminding me that Aiden had chosen not to pursue what we had.
---
The next few days passed in a haze. I kept myself busy with assignments, trying to bury my feelings beneath the weight of my studies. But every time I saw Aiden, every time I heard his name, my chest tightened.
I couldn't escape the truth, no matter how hard I tried to deny it: it was only me who felt this way.
---
One afternoon, I found myself walking through the campus gardens, the bright colors of autumn leaves swirling around me. I was trying to clear my mind, to forget the overwhelming weight of my thoughts. But as I turned a corner, I saw him.
Aiden was standing there, leaning against a tree, his eyes scanning the pages of a book. For a moment, everything around me seemed to fade. It was just him and me, like it had been before. My heart raced, and I felt that familiar tug in my chest.
I didn't know why I kept doing this to myself. Every time I saw him, I felt like I was breaking all over again. But I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop myself.
Without thinking, I walked toward him, my feet moving of their own accord. Aiden looked up as I approached, his eyes widening slightly when he saw me.
"Emilia," he said, his voice sounding strained. "Hey."
"Hey," I whispered, my voice barely more than a breath. "I—"
I stopped myself before I could say anything more. What was I even doing? What did I want from him?
His eyes softened as he looked at me, and for a moment, it felt like things were the way they used to be. But then the silence stretched between us, and I remembered what he had said.
He wasn't ready.
It was only me.
I turned and walked away before I could say anything more, before I could let myself believe in something that was never going to happen.
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