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Chapter 12 - Chapter 12: Focus on Myself

The soft hum of the garden surrounded me as I knelt down, my hands buried in the damp earth. The sun had just begun to dip behind the horizon, casting a warm glow over the flowers I was tending to. The scent of freshly watered soil filled the air, mixing with the faint fragrance of lavender and roses. I paused for a moment, letting the tranquility of the moment wash over me. Gardening had always been a form of solace for me. It was the one place where I could escape from the chaos of my thoughts, the constant worry about things I couldn't control.

Today, though, the calm was different. I wasn't just tending to the flowers; I was tending to my heart. The realization had been slow, almost imperceptible at first, but now it felt like a heavy truth pressing against my chest. It was time. Time to focus on myself.

The past few months had been an emotional rollercoaster. I had spent so much time thinking about Aiden, trying to figure out where I stood in his life, hoping for a glimpse of affection that never came. Every time our eyes met in class, I wondered if he could see the ache in mine. I had convinced myself that maybe, just maybe, he would start to notice me. But he never did. And as much as I hated to admit it, I knew I couldn't keep waiting for something that might never come.

"If it's meant to be, it will be," I whispered to myself, the words feeling foreign at first, but then slowly sinking in. It was one of those things people always said, and I had heard it countless times before. But it wasn't until this moment, surrounded by the quiet hum of nature, that I truly understood it.

The truth was, Aiden and I were never meant to be. Maybe not in the way I had hoped. I had spent so much time believing that the answer to my happiness lay in his gaze, in the way his smile made my heart race, in the way I felt like I could see into his soul whenever we spoke. But now, I understood that the answer to my happiness lay within me, not in someone else's indifference.

I picked up my gardening tools and began to work with a renewed focus, a purpose I hadn't felt in a long time. I no longer needed to chase after something that wasn't meant for me. I was letting nature take its course, just as it always had with my plants. Some things thrived under the right conditions, while others didn't, and that was okay. The important thing was to nurture what I could, and for now, that meant nurturing myself.

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That evening, my phone buzzed with a message from Jake, my closest friend and the one person who had always been there for me when I needed guidance. We had shared countless conversations over the years, but this one felt different. Maybe it was because I had changed, or maybe it was because he knew me better than anyone else.

Hey, Em. Just checking in. How are you doing?

I stared at the screen for a moment before typing my reply.

I'm okay. Really. I've been thinking a lot about things lately... about Aiden and everything. And I've realized that I need to focus on me for a while. Let whatever happens, happen.

Jake's response came quickly. That sounds like the right move. You've spent so much time trying to figure him out, but have you figured yourself out?

I chuckled softly to myself. Jake had a way of getting straight to the point, always cutting through the noise to the heart of the matter. I typed back.

I think I'm starting to. It's just hard sometimes, you know? Letting go of something that was never really mine.

Jake's reply was short but comforting. It's okay to let go, Em. Sometimes, holding on too tight is what keeps us from growing.

His words echoed in my mind long after I put my phone down. He was right, of course. I had been holding on to a dream, a fantasy of what could be with Aiden, but I hadn't stopped to think about what I truly needed. I needed space to breathe, space to grow, space to find my own happiness without depending on someone else for validation.

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The next few days were a whirlwind of activity. I dove into my studies with a renewed sense of purpose. Political science had always fascinated me, and now, it felt like the one thing that truly mattered. I attended lectures with a fresh perspective, participated in study groups, and even found myself staying up late, eager to learn and expand my knowledge. For the first time in a long time, I felt alive in a way that had nothing to do with Aiden.

I also found myself rediscovering hobbies I had long abandoned. I spent more time in the garden, my hands submerged in the earth as I carefully tended to the plants. I went for long walks, letting my mind wander freely without the weight of unrequited love hanging over me. It wasn't easy, but it was necessary. And each day, I felt a little stronger.

As much as I wanted to reach out to Aiden, to confess my feelings and beg him to see me the way I saw him, I knew it wasn't right. He had never given me any indication that he felt the same way. I had spent too much time building up the idea of us in my mind, and now, I needed to dismantle it. I had to let go, not because I didn't care about him, but because I cared too much about myself to keep chasing after something that wasn't mine.

And so, I focused on myself. I focused on my studies, my growth, my happiness. I knew that if it was meant to be, it would be. But for now, I was learning to be content with the life I was building for myself, one where I wasn't defined by my feelings for someone else, but by my own strength and resilience.

It wasn't easy, but it was the first step toward healing. And I was finally ready to take it.

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