The sound of my footsteps echoed through the empty hallway as I walked toward the political science department. It was early in the morning, and the campus was still waking up, the sky just beginning to shift from dark blue to a pale, cool gray. I hadn't been sleeping well, the weight of everything pressing on me, pulling at my chest. But this morning, I had resolved to push through. I would go to class, finish my work, and continue with my life. It was the only thing I could do.
I wasn't going to dwell on him anymore.
At least, that's what I told myself every day. But every time I saw him, every time I thought about him, the same ache settled in my heart. It didn't matter how many times I tried to tell myself that he wasn't mine, that he didn't owe me anything, that it was just my emotions running away from me. The truth was, I had feelings for him. And no matter how many times I repeated the words "It was just me," it didn't make the pain of wanting something I couldn't have any easier to bear.
I had tried moving on, distracting myself with work, with school, with everything else I could find. But he was always there, lingering in my thoughts, in my dreams. I thought about him more than I should have, wondering what he was doing, what he was thinking. I didn't even know why it mattered so much.
I couldn't blame him. I couldn't.
He had made it clear, over and over again, that he wasn't interested in a relationship. He wasn't ready. He wasn't looking for anything serious. He was focused on his future, his life, and what he wanted to do. And who could blame him for that? Who could fault him for not being ready to dive into something complicated and messy when he was still figuring everything out?
I couldn't, and I didn't.
It wasn't his fault that I had fallen for him. It wasn't his fault that I had imagined things between us that didn't exist. I couldn't expect him to change his life for me, to rearrange his plans or give me the things I wanted when I knew from the beginning that we were in two completely different places.
I had to accept that. I had to let go of the hope, the dream, that there was something more.
And yet, despite everything, there was still a part of me—no matter how much I tried to ignore it—that couldn't help but feel like there was something left unsaid between us.
---
The morning passed in a blur. Classes came and went, each lecture dragging on as I tried to focus on what was being taught. But my mind kept drifting back to him, to Aiden. He hadn't been around lately. He hadn't been in any of our usual spots. I hadn't seen him near the student center or the library. It was strange, and I couldn't help but wonder if he had been avoiding me.
As the last class of the day ended, I walked out of the building and into the brisk afternoon air. The campus was more crowded now, students laughing and chatting as they went to their next destinations. I found myself heading to the student lounge, hoping for a quiet place to sit and think.
But as I stepped into the lounge, I saw something that stopped me in my tracks.
Aiden.
He was sitting at a table in the corner, talking to some friends, laughing. He looked just as relaxed and at ease as ever, as though nothing had changed. As though nothing had ever happened between us.
I froze, my heart pounding in my chest. I had tried so hard to push thoughts of him away, to let go of whatever I thought we had, but seeing him now made it all come rushing back.
I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do. My legs felt heavy, and I wanted nothing more than to turn around and walk away, to escape the sting of seeing him with other people. But I couldn't move. I was rooted to the spot, my eyes fixed on him.
Then, I heard a voice.
"Hey, Emilia," someone said, snapping me out of my trance.
I turned to see Lily standing beside me, her brow furrowed in concern. "Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost."
I shook my head, forcing a smile. "I'm fine. Just... I didn't expect to see him."
She glanced over at Aiden and then back at me. "Yeah, he's been kind of MIA lately, hasn't he?"
I nodded, my throat tight. "I haven't seen him in a while."
Lily tilted her head, studying me. "Are you sure you're okay? You seem a little... off today."
I hesitated. How could I explain? How could I tell her that every time I saw Aiden, my heart felt like it was breaking all over again, even though I knew I had no right to feel this way?
"It's just... I can't stop thinking about him," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. "I know he's not interested, and I know I should just move on, but it's hard. It's like... I can't shake it."
Lily's expression softened, and she put a hand on my shoulder. "I get it, Emilia. But you can't keep torturing yourself like this. You can't control how he feels. If he's not ready, you have to respect that."
I nodded, swallowing hard. "I know. I just... I thought maybe there was more. But maybe I was wrong."
Lily gave me a reassuring smile. "You weren't wrong to feel the way you do. But you can't blame him for something that wasn't meant to be. You deserve someone who's ready to be with you, someone who sees you the way you see them."
I exhaled sharply, the weight of her words sinking in. "I know. But it still hurts."
"Yeah, it does," she said quietly. "But it will get better. In time."
We stood there in silence for a few moments, watching as Aiden continued to laugh with his friends, unaware of the storm brewing inside me.
Then, as I was about to turn away and leave, I overheard something that stopped me dead in my tracks.
"Did you hear?" one of Aiden's friends asked, his voice carrying across the room. "Aiden's leaving. His parents got posted overseas, so he's transferring to another university in another country."
I froze, my stomach dropping. My heart felt like it had been ripped from my chest, and I could hardly breathe. Aiden was leaving? He was transferring?
And he hadn't told me.
---
The shock of the news hit me like a tidal wave. I felt numb, my body stiff as I tried to process what I had just heard. Aiden was leaving. He was leaving, and I hadn't known. I hadn't been told.
I turned to Lily, my face pale. "He's leaving," I whispered.
Lily's eyes widened in surprise. "What? When? How did you find out?"
I pointed to the group of Aiden's friends, who were still chatting among themselves. "I overheard them. He's transferring. He's leaving for good."
Lily looked at me, her expression soft with sympathy. "I'm sorry, Emilia. I didn't know. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you."
But it felt like a blow to the chest. The one person I had hoped to connect with, to share something real with, was leaving. And he hadn't even told me.
I couldn't understand it. Why hadn't he told me? Why hadn't he said goodbye?
---
The days that followed were a blur of emotions. I tried to act normal, to keep my composure, but inside, everything felt broken. Aiden was leaving, and I hadn't been given a chance to say goodbye.
I couldn't blame him. He had his reasons, and I respected that. But it still hurt. It hurt more than I could ever put into words.
And as I sat in the silence of my room that night, the tears finally came. I couldn't stop them.
It wasn't his fault. It was never his fault. But that didn't make the pain any easier to bear.
---