"Fuck…Fuck..."
I had a mountain of work to do, but as soon as I got home, I collapsed on the bed without even taking off my clothes.
"What kind of crazy guy did that to me…!"
The thought that came to my mind and came out of my mouth at the same time felt so stupid that I unconsciously raised my upper body and swore.
No, I couldn't stand it without swearing.
Just in case, I thought about the possibility that my eyes were faulty, I picked up my phone again and manipulated the screen here and there.
"ha ha ha… "
However, it was a futile effort.
[The world's first all-male male pro gamer team emerges Men's Pro Team]
[The story of General Kim In-hyeok, the first male major general in the Korean military…]
[Why Female Football Players Can Demonstrate Inhuman Speed and Power…]
[A male BJ with a really big butt...gif]
Articles I found on YouTube, Google, and other community sites whose names I only knew but never visited.
And the sense of discomfort I felt at school, and the strange changes I noticed on my way home.
The common sense I knew was completely turned upside down.
It was a day like any other.
I woke up with a prickly head, perhaps because I slept a little late, had breakfast with my only family, my mother, and prepared to go to school.
About 15 minutes on foot, I briefly say hello to my childhood friend, Cha So-young, on the way to school.
Since we are walking the same path to school anyway, we can chat to avoid awkwardness, or if we don't feel like doing that, we can just walk past and get to school.
From the moment I sit down to the time I leave school, I devote myself to studying. I prepare for d-day, review what I have learned and practiced so far, and practice for the 'test' itself.
After returning home, I wait for my mother, who is about to get off work, and start cleaning and doing laundry, finishing the housework as efficiently as possible.
As I prepare dinner, the soup is almost boiling, I hear the front door open, and I greet my mother with a smile, her tired expression on her face.
We have dinner together, leaving behind the peculiar look my mother secretly gives me.
After this series of processes are completed, we take a short break.
I stare blankly at the TV, watch meaningless YouTube recommendations, think about what I'll do tomorrow while keeping my living expenses in mind and go grocery shopping if I don't have enough, or fiddle with my lower body by myself due to a sudden surge of sexual desire. Then, I review again before going to bed, sit at my desk, read the words again, and fall asleep.
It was that kind of day.
The most important time in my short life. My third year of high school.
As the days rolled by like a hamster wheel, I was living a fairly diligent, unremarkable life for a high school student from a single-parent family. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that I was living a typical life.
During those days, something strange happened.
"…huh?"
[Jaehyeok]
[what are you doing right now?]
My childhood friend, Cha So-young, went to the same school in elementary school, and different schools in middle school, and only found out we went to the same school when we ran into each other by chance on the way to high school.
She, who had grown up with me since childhood due to our fathers' connection, sent me a text message for some reason when she was in the third year of high school and was in the same class as me.
'I was just watching TV'
I almost sent that text without thinking, but before I even touched the input key, I thought about why Cha So-young had sent me that text.
Even if he is a man of the opposite sex, you might say, "How can someone think like that with just one message?" But considering the distance between Cha So-young and me, that one message was enough to make me tilt my head.
Cha So-young.
A childhood friend who was born and raised in the same neighborhood. If we were young, it might be different.
We sometimes run into each other on the way to school and chat, so I wouldn't say our relationship is that awkward, but at least in my opinion, she doesn't want to hang out with me more than necessary.
Me, who looks easygoing at first glance with a height just shy of 160cm and a small build, and Cha So-young, who is close to 180cm tall with a sharp impression and a reserved personality, have a unique aura that stands out despite being a woman.
Was it because of the complex I had about my small body and my body growth that seemed to have stopped since high school, and the height differences I felt between Cha So-young and I were already a head's difference?
I had an inferiority complex because of my looks, wealth, and other outward things, so when we got to middle school and went to different schools, I started to distance myself from Cha So-young. Just as you wouldn't bother looking at a tree you couldn't climb, I avoided Cha So-young.
We were just classmates who I was close with for a short time when I was young, and we lived close to each other, but I drew the line at that and focused on protecting myself.
'I don't think anything would have changed even if I hadn't done that…'
I said it as if I had intentionally distanced myself from Cha So-young, but even if I hadn't done that, we would have drifted apart as we grew older and found ourselves in new environments.
When I think about how my father passed away right before I entered middle school, leaving only my mother and I, I really needed to focus on taking care of myself.
The moment I saw my mother's determination to grit her teeth and endure work life to take responsibility for me as a woman while pouring her love on me as a mother so that I would not go astray after losing my father, I couldn't even think about going astray.
So I started looking for things I could do to lighten my mother's load. The day that rolls like a hamster wheel is a movement that proves it.
'A person who we only talked to a few times when we met a few times, but suddenly talk to me?'
Anyway, when I think back on my relationship with Cha So-young, the slight change that Cha So-young made was enough to make me suspicious of both the content and the timing.
But no matter what I thought, there was a limit to how much I could imagine just by looking at the words, so I just sent the content I had originally intended to send to Cha So-young as is.
'Just watching TV'
'Why that all of a sudden?'
As I was typing the second letter, the number 1 next to it disappeared immediately. The reply also arrived immediately.
[I was just curious.]
Just next time, just. What should I say? Does this mean I should continue the conversation? As I was thinking about that, Cha So-young continued the message.
[Did something happen yesterday?]
Yesterday? I sent a text message just as it came to mind.
'No. Nothing happened?'
[I see]
[Semin said you looked a bit strange during the day]
[I suddenly remembered that. So I asked.]
[Or sorry.]
Han Se-min. The girl sitting behind Cha So-young, diagonally behind me in the classroom.
We haven't really talked much and Cha So-young didn't seem close to that kid, but it seems like there was an exchange between the two that I don't know about.
Seeing her send a text message asking for my regards during the day at a time like this when the night is dark, I thought that despite her seemingly cold appearance, Cha So-young still had a warm side.
Actually, there were a lot more things I was curious about, but I decided to end the chat here.
Yesterday was the same, and today was no different.
'Thank you for your concern.'
[Yeah. Study hard.]
The short conversation ended with a cliché. While chatting with Cha So-young, I pushed aside the vague questions that lingered in my head and prepared for tomorrow.
The next day, for some reason, I ran into Cha So-young for the second day in a row.
As I looked at her face, which seemed to have been waiting for me, I remembered the conversation we had last night. I felt like I owed her something, so I treated her kindly.
"hi."
"Yeah. Jaehyuk, are you feeling better?"
"I said it's okay. Are you going to check it every day?"
"I didn't mean it like that… Are you upset?"
"I was just curious, too, so I asked."
We walked side by side.
But, strangely, the distance was close. Cha So-young's long black hair, which reached down to her waist, lightly brushed my clothes.
Moreover, since Cha So-young's eyes were occasionally glancing in my direction, I could guess what her questions and the reason for her actions were, so I asked without hesitation.
"What did that mean yesterday?"
"yesterday?"
"Did Se-min say that yesterday? She said I was strange. What exactly was strange?"
"Oh, that…?"
The end of her words seemed to be drawn out. Even though her face was expressionless, Cha So-young held back her words as if she was thinking of saying something difficult to say.
"Is it hard to say? Then you don't have to do it."
"No, that's not it. So… your actions have become more aggressive? Or should I say more bold? You used to be more cautious and reserved, but yesterday you said you felt like something had changed."
"…what?"
I heard a foolish remark. Not only was it a person I wasn't particularly close with saying such things, but Cha So-young's words were full of things I couldn't understand.
I was thinking that it would be more appropriate for me to ask, whether it was careful or generous.
"What does it look like to you?"
"what?"
"You used to be quiet and cautious, but now you seem bold and active? What do you think, Cha So-young?"
"well…"
Cha So-young, who had been thinking for a moment, gave me a sidelong glance and answered.
"I think what Se-min said is right. It was the same yesterday, and it seems the same today."
"…Is that so?"
I felt like the more I talked, the more my doubts deepened, so I gave up on continuing the conversation.
Actually, it didn't really matter what Han Se-min and Cha So-young thought of me, so I decided to just think about today.
Cha So-young also read my intentions and kept her mouth shut. Why did we end up walking to school together?
It's strange. Something is strange.
I don't know if Cha So-young's words were the trigger, but something feels strange and alien.
I don't know exactly, but it was probably during the first period break. I think it was after I heard Han Se-min say that she was looking at me differently than before, and that was when I really felt her gaze on me.
It wasn't something I was looking at openly, so I didn't really care, but it was just a strange feeling like I was secretly looking at it when it came into view.
I thought so because there wasn't a big reason to think so. Ah, at least in his eyes, I think something has changed.
If Han Se-min didn't know about the conversation I had with Cha So-young yesterday, she could have just let it slide, but if she really cared, she could have gone over to him and asked him why and resolved it through conversation.
It was when I realized that there were more than one or two such gazes that I began to feel something really strange.
Moreover, when I think about the fact that all of those gazes are coming from the women in the class, and among them, there are gazes that are sending fierce heat to my lower body, it's even more so.
I was very sensitive to the gazes of people around me, perhaps because of my complex about my very short height, which is no exaggeration to say that I am in the bottom 10% of men. Changes in gazes are something I cannot help but notice.
And what's that? That thing I see at the edge of my vision when I turn my head slightly. A small piece of fabric visible under the skirt.
'Phew... It's out in the open again. That thing...'
A girl I had talked to a few times acted as if she had no qualms about exposing her underwear.
And even though they saw that, none of the other girls even thought about fixing it or cared as if they saw something obvious.
'They too…'
The guys who usually play games, UFC, comics, and sometimes talk about girls secretly are acting so calmly. It's to the point where I'm reminded of the words 'be careful' that I heard from Cha So-young.
And the other kids who think that kind of thing is normal. The disgust that boils inside me when I see that.
From the moment I realized that, I started to think like that.
Maybe I really am weird. Like Cha So-young said, maybe everyone else knows but I, the person involved, don't.
[The charm of men's soccer that you can't see in women's soccer!]
[Why Female Football Players Can Demonstrate Inhuman Speed and Power…]
[A male with a really big butt...gif]
[… … … … ]
I wondered if I was having trouble concentrating, so I went to my phone to surf the web to cool my head, and then I saw some articles with unique titles.
I can understand seeing one or two posts like that. There may be reasons for them that I don't know about, like clickbait, events, or concept writing.
[The story of General Kim In-hyeok, the first male major general in the Korean military…]
[President Lee Sung-hwa, together with U.S. President Benjamin Franklin today… … ]
[The world's first all-male male pro gamer team emerges Men's Pro Team]
But this is not the case.
I am neither illiterate nor am I so lacking in common sense that I cannot even pronounce the names of the presidents of my country and the United States.
I don't know when female soldiers were introduced to the military or when professional gamer teams were first formed, but I do know that the term 'first' sounds awkward.
'Fuck... who is President Lee Sung-hwa and when did the name of the US president change? YouTube, and Google all come together to make an April Fool's joke?'
Today is not April Fool's Day. It doesn't make sense to do such a stupid prank in July, 4-5 months before the college entrance exam.
"Hoooooo…"
Deep sigh. My head feels queasy. I feel like a white rat in a cage in a laboratory.
Scientists administering drugs and observing changes, and galleries glancing around the classroom.
Me, who knows the pouring gazes but still rolls along on the wheel without knowing anything.
furthermore,
'Why is he like that again…'
Cha So-young turns her head towards me with a sigh and a whoosh sound.
He keeps repeating this behavior since morning, not staring openly, but not trying to hide the fact that he's looking.
I already had a headache, and when I asked her this morning and then asked her again if she was okay, I unknowingly spoke rudely, and since then she's just looked at me like that instead of asking.
When I tried to make eye contact, she avoided it, and I felt like something was welling up inside me in this classroom, so I asked Cha So-young a question.
Fortunately, I managed to keep my voice calm.
"Hey. Cha So-young."
"uh?"
"Why do you keep looking at me?"
"… Notice? Me?"
"You've been watching me since morning. What are you trying to avoid when you're watching me so openly?"
"… … "
He made a half-beat late, awkward evasive remark, and seemed speechless at the blatant criticism.
I was physically and mentally tired and felt frustrated, so I just asked my questions without any filters.
"Let me ask you one thing. Why have you been so concerned about me since yesterday? We're not that close, are we?"
"… What? You now…"
"It's not like you're dealing with a boyfriend or anything… Did you suddenly think of your childhood? Or do you do this to other kids too?"
"… … "
At some point, Cha So-young turned her head away, opened her mouth, and stared at me intently.
After a brief silence, Cha So-young blinked a couple of times as if she had come to her senses, then got up from her seat and slowly approached me.
What the heck? Are you trying to hit me?
Although we were a man and a woman, there was a slight difference in size, so I cowered slightly and Cha So-young slowly approached me while keeping her gaze fixed on me.
Then he put his palm on my forehead, and it felt like he was trying to calm my fever.
I accepted that hand obediently without even thinking about avoiding it or questioning it.
"Jaehuk."
Cha So-young spoke after a gap. The eyes that met hers were on the verge of shaking.
"We… are dating."
This time it was my turn to open my mouth.