Although I was surprised, fortunately I regained my composure that had been crumpled in a corner of my heart.
Because if I just thought about it for a little bit, I could guess why Cha So-young said that.
Since he even asked her when they started dating and asked for proof, unless they were lying to each other, it is a fact that can be known without having to think about it from Cha So-young's perspective.
Moreover, I went beyond that and even went on dates with Cha So-young, and showed behavior that was clearly different from 'Shin Jae-hyeok'.
So, for now, I agreed with Cha So-young's words.
"… Did you know?"
"Of course. You said it all in the first place."
It's strange not to know. Cha So-young snickered.
There was still a bigger secret left, but I decided to slowly unravel the mystery like a thread.
"…Why didn't you tell me? From your perspective, your boyfriend who was doing fine suddenly lost his mind. Well…Since you have evidence, it wouldn't be strange to take him to the hospital."
Cha So-young did not answer right away and paused for a moment.
"… I was scared too."
"scared?"
"Did you wander around here and there on your way home today?"
I went around to see with my own eyes the evidence of the incongruity where men and women seemed to have switched places, such as in a supermarket, a cafe, a public restroom, and a restaurant.
It takes 15 minutes to walk home, so I must have walked several times that distance. Did you follow me the whole time?
"no way…"
"Yeah. I followed you. Until you got home."
Cha So-young nodded slightly. She didn't show any sign of embarrassment.
"Are you upset?"
"No, what… … I was just surprised. I had no idea."
"Phew, thank goodness. Anyway, I was going to go in with you just in case you had extreme thoughts, but I couldn't do that after thinking about your words and actions. It's clear that you have memory problems, but I couldn't tell what you knew and what you didn't know."
Hooooo. Cha So-young turned her eyes to the park and took a deep breath. Her large chest rose and fell back to its original state.
I felt like I saw something strange and my gaze was stolen without me knowing it. I quickly changed my thoughts.
"But we're childhood friends, so why don't you just come to my house? It won't matter to you if my mom comes."
Cha So-young burst into laughter at my words.
"Heh heh heh, you're right. I could've just come in. But… I didn't know that back then."
"You didn't know?"
Cha So-young's expression brightened for a moment, but quickly turned stiff as she continued talking.
"… Jaehyuk. I told you I was scared earlier, right?"
"Yeah. What are you afraid of?"
"I realized that the way you treat me has changed."
"That's… You didn't remember that I was dating you. Then of course something would have changed."
Cha So-young uncrossed her legs and changed her posture to rest her elbows on her knees. Her drooping head seemed to be showing her fatigue.
"Your behavior has definitely changed since yesterday, or even before that, but you don't know it at all. You don't know that I was dating you, but you didn't think it was strange to be in the third grade classroom, so I think you probably remember me at least until the beginning of this year. That's when I realized it while organizing my thoughts."
"Your eyes, your actions, even the way you speak… I'm not even a 'friend' to you now. I'm just one of the girls in class. That's all. When I realized that, I felt like my mind was being sucked into a swamp."
The hands held between their knees squeezed each other tightly.
"… I don't think it's because of my mood…"
"Have you forgotten? Those times? We've been together for over 10 years? You only remember what we did at school, right? You've forgotten only that, only about me? Is that possible? What if you didn't forget in the first place, but changed? What kind of person am I in your mind that's been changed like that!"
At first it seemed quiet, but as the conversation grew more heated, I couldn't dare to intervene. So I swallowed my saliva and waited quietly until the thing that had cut me off finished.
"I was so scared that I couldn't be sure of that. So I was crouching by myself near you house, and I ran into your mom. It was embarrassing, but I took that as an opportunity to come out with you. I thought that if I didn't, you might be stuck at home."
Cha So-young's voice quieted down again.
"Still… I feel relieved since I think I've confirmed about half of it."
Half? I was about to ask what she meant, but Cha So-young turned her head toward me. The agitated look from earlier overlapped in her pitch-black eyes, and I flinched involuntarily.
"Can I ask now?"
I nodded absentmindedly.
"… That's why I told you to break up."
"Huh… I see."
Cha So-young let out a deep sigh. Should she believe this or not? That's what she was thinking.
Well then… I checked when I was in elementary school, so explain from then on. Do you know how to say it?
The story began with that question.
He took his time explaining everything from how his father passed away in an accident right before he entered middle school, how he avoided Cha So-young after that, to how he felt uncomfortable with the private chat conversation last night, to how the roles of men and women were reversed.
There was a reason why Cha So-young only checked my memories up to elementary school. She said she wanted to hear me talk about the accident I experienced right before I entered middle school.
Cha So-young, who had been sighing deeply every now and then, smiled weakly and said.
"Haha… Well, that's fortunate. Nothing much has changed."
Cha So-young didn't explain what was fortunate. Besides, it seemed like she had been talking to herself more recently.
Of course, I had some idea of what Cha So-young was thinking and what was fortunate about her, so I didn't add the words, asking her to explain without any tact.
"Jaehuk. Can I hug you for a moment?"
As I hesitated because it was such an unexpected comment, Cha So-young hugged me in her arms without permission.
We were sitting with our backs turned, and I had my face on Cha So-young's chest, and Cha So-young was hugging my shoulder with one arm, stroking the back of my head, and resting her head on my crown.
"Hey, why are you suddenly like that?"
Cha So-young didn't answer. Instead, she asked another question.
"You don't hate it?"
"…what?"
"You said you were avoiding me. Don't you hate it when I hug you like this? Oh, don't think about the guy and girl switching and stuff. Just answer me. In 3 seconds."
I tried to get away once, but the strength of the arm wrapped around my shoulder was beyond my imagination.
'… Is this girl strong?'
As I know, the body is soft and supple, but things like bone density and muscle structure seem to be different.
If there were no differences in any part, the roles of men and women would not have been reversed.
Even in the previous world, the size difference between Cha So-young and I was the same, so I thought that maybe our physical difference was on a completely different level now.
However, contrary to my momentary thoughts, I did not feel like leaving Cha So-young's arms.
I didn't hate it in the first place, and although it was hot, I liked the feeling of it gently pressing against my face.
I thought about it for a moment.
What should I do? It would be okay to see Cha So-young's actions as a response to the guilt I had toward her, but I felt the need to go over it again.
"… What about you? You haven't answered yet."
Cha So-young stopped counting. The hand stroking the back of my head stopped.
"I told you earlier, right? The me in front of you now and the 'Shin Jae-hyuk' you know are different. To you, I look the same and have grown up in almost the same way… I'm probably the same as the 'Shin Jae-hyuk' boyfriend you know. I guess it's okay to pretend not to know each other and live like this. But to me, you're not. To me, you're just a childhood friend who's been friends for 10 years."
If I had to be specific, the only thing I can say is that I've been avoiding Cha So-young since middle school.
But the emotional gap within it cannot be ignored.
"He and I are completely different people. If you truly believe what I say, you must know the difference. If you plan on glossing over it, then like I said before, it would be better to break up now."
At first, I thought it might be too early to decide.
Although I denied the possibility myself, I had hope that I might hear something like, "Oh, that's a very rare disease called male-female reversal syndrome. If you take medicine three times a day after meals and get a good night's sleep, you'll get better."
Of course, this would be meaningless compared to the possibility of hearing that you have a rich imagination and emotional instability.
But I had already almost given up on the old world. Today, spent with Cha So-young, and this moment right now are proof of that.
It was hard to imagine that we would ever experience such a global change again, and I couldn't pinpoint exactly when it began.
Considering that I didn't feel any discomfort until Cha So-young pointed it out, I can't help but wonder if it wasn't yesterday, but at some point before that, that the environment surrounding me changed.
If that possibility were to play out very strongly, the current situation would have been caused by that.
"Pfft, hahaha! Yeah. I asked what you thought?"
Cha So-young let out a hearty laugh. After a while, she grabbed my shoulder and pulled me out of her embrace.
"Before that, Jaehyuk, answer the question I asked you earlier again. Since you answered it once, is that possible?"
"… What, what is it?"
It was a serious question that became the basis of today's session, but I was embarrassed when I was asked a counter-question.
"You said you had a good day today. Are you serious about that?"
"Well…"
"Think seriously and answer. That way, you'll get the answer you want. Do you know that the situation is different now than it was before?"
Cha So-young's expression was the most serious I'd seen today. Her intense eyes seemed to be saying that she would not tolerate any answer that contained even the slightest bit of falsehood.
"… Yeah. It was nice. It was nice spending time with you after a long time."
No matter how many times I thought about it, the answer was the same. It was a question that didn't need to be asked.
But Cha So-young's expression slightly relaxed with that. Cha So-young spoke, leaning her head closer.
"Okay. I'll answer now. I'm going to kiss you from now on. Um… yeah. To celebrate the first day."
"…what?"
Han So-young looked up slightly and made a sound as if she was thinking about something. She looked down again and stroked my cheek with one hand.
"And you should know this too. Just as the 'Shin Jae-hyeok' I know is different from you, the Cha So-young you know from 'me' is different."
My eyes opened wide.
"Don't say you didn't know. You knew that, and yet you said you enjoyed spending time with me. Don't you admit it?"
It felt like I was suddenly hit hard by a fact I had tried so hard to ignore. It literally hit the nail on the head.
'Why didn't I know?'
Before I told Cha So-young to know the difference between me and 'Shin Jae-hyeok', I had been spending time with Cha So-young and had been accepting the difference.
The answer that he felt happy while being with Cha So-young and his actions of not telling Cha So-young about his ideals are probably proof of that.
If you want to say it's for the sake of Cha So-young in front of you, shouldn't you at least listen to her thoughts before saying that you want to break up?
"You answered earlier, so now is it time for me to answer? About holding you earlier, about dating, and now. If you don't like it, avoid it. Otherwise… just stay still."
The hand holding my cheek gained some strength, and Cha So-young's face came closer.
Chew
I didn't even think about avoiding it.