〈Episode 3〉 #1 Wandering (2）
We exchanged glances in silence for a while.
Suddenly, the anxiety in Cha So-young's eyes disappeared, and calmness took her place.
And my pupils shook violently as if I had taken that anxiety with me.
At some point, one by one, people began to watch our conversation, but at the moment, I had no time to look around.
Because I wasn't even sure if it was really 'me' standing here right now.
A weak voice came out of his throat.
"You and… me?"
"huh."
"Since when…?"
"It's been about half a year. We started dating shortly after we started the third year."
I confessed first. Cha So-young added with a sly smile.
I don't remember that story. Unless I suffer from a split personality disorder or something, no, I can't explain it to that extent.
I asked for something else in a daze.
"…evidence."
"evidence?"
"… Do you have any evidence? You said we dated."
"Hmm. Evidence…"
At my words, Cha So-young took out her cell phone from her pocket, played with it for a moment, and then showed the screen in the direction I was looking.
The smiling face of Cha So-young, seen for the first time since she grew up. And me, frowning and pressing my lips to her cheek, right next to her.
"I felt like I hadn't done anything for you before, so I wanted to give you a big 100-day gift, but you threatened me not to do something like that."
I couldn't see Cha So-young's face because I was so focused on the photo, but there was a longing in her voice mixed with a smile that I had never heard before.
"When I told you that wasn't quite right, you said you'd just give me a kiss and get it over with. You said you hadn't done anything for me either."
"… … "
I felt terrible, and couldn't listen any longer. Fortunately, Cha So-young also closed her mouth after saying those words. It seemed like she was waiting for me to say something first.
From beginning to end. Yes, from the conversation that started last night until now.
There are so many things I can't understand. Who is that 'Shin Jae-hyuk' with that embarrassed expression in the photo in front of me?
If the Cha So-young I know is real, then at least it's not a composite made up of delusions. Of course, that statement is also true.
Is the 'Shin Jae-hyeok' in Cha So-young's memories and the me standing here now the same person? If they are different, what happened to 'Shin Jae-hyeok' and why am I here?
And this girl standing in front of you. Why are you so calm?
Just a moment ago, you didn't understand what I was saying, but at that moment, did you realize something?
Because I'm the boyfriend? I feel like I'm receiving a favor that doesn't make sense. It's like he's saying that I don't need to understand it, so I should just accept it without thinking.
Suspicion and unreasonable irritation arose in me at that emotion, which did not care about the other person's feelings.
"Ugh… Ugh…"
But it soon died down with the sound of the wind blowing.
My emotions are running wild and uncontrollable, to the point where I'm starting to hate myself. Unless it were the other way around, there's absolutely no reason for Cha So-young to accept my suspicions and annoyance.
"under…"
A meaningless laugh came out. The eyes looking at us two with excitement, and Cha So-young right in front of me. I wondered what would happen to me if I stayed here any longer.
Suddenly
I got up from my seat and left the school with heavy steps.
The back of a slender man slowly moves away.
Cha So-young closed her eyes and let out a small sigh as she confirmed that Shin Jae-hyeok had completely left the classroom.
Cha So-young, who had been closing her eyes for a while, opened them slightly and quietly looked down at the seat where Shin Jae-hyeok had been sitting. There was a sense of self-mockery and helplessness in the feeble gestures of her hands as she cleaned up the desk.
"Hey. Did you two fight? Jaehyuk's expression was no joke."
A female student with short black hair approached Cha So-young and spoke quietly.
Lee Jun-hee.
She is one of the students who watched the conversation between Shin Jae-hyeok and Cha So-young from the middle, and is also one of the few people who is close to Cha So-young, who is a quiet and reserved person.
She was in the same class with Cha So-young from the first year to the third year, and she was a friend that Cha So-young trusted, knowing about Shin Jae-hyeok and Cha So-young's secret relationship.
"… I don't know either."
Although she pretended to be calm in front of Shin Jae-hyeok, in fact, Cha So-young's feelings were just as complicated as Shin Jae-hyeok's.
However, the fact that she did not show it on the outside was Cha So-young's consideration, as she was worried that Shin Jae-hyeok, who had seemed strange since the day before, would become even more anxious upon seeing her wavering.
Just like the saying that having someone more anxious than you around calms you down, at some point, Cha So-young felt that the emotions between Cha So-young and Shin Jae-hyeok had been reversed.
Shin Jae-hyeok was more anxious than Cha So-young, and Cha So-young was able to find peace in the sight of Shin Jae-hyeok looking more in danger than herself.
However, considering that Shin Jae-hyeok was not mentally sound, it would be difficult to say that it had a positive effect.
"You don't know?"
"More than that, Junhee. Let me ask you one thing."
"Huh? Suddenly?"
"Tell the class president that Jaehyuk and I are leaving early together. Since he saw Jaehyuk leave, he'll think about it if you say you're sick. You can just scold the homeroom teacher later."
"Why? Why can't you just say it?"
"It looks better when you say it."
"What is that…"
Ah. Lee Jun-hee, who was about to ask a question, let out an exclamation as if she realized something.
Shin Jae-hyeok and Cha So-young's relationship lasted for almost half a year, and although they tried to hide it, they often showed themselves close to each other. Therefore, if Cha So-young were to speak directly to the class president, it would be unavoidable for her to avoid unnecessary rumors.
On the other hand, if you tell the class president that you're leaving early through Lee Jun-hee, you might wonder why Lee Jun-hee is telling you instead, but it's not something you should really think about. Besides, if it's because the house is close, there won't be any other talk.
It was a request that came from my heart, thinking of Shin Jae-hyeok, who didn't like anything that might interfere with his school life. It was a momentary thought, so there were many loopholes, but it wasn't an important issue in the current situation.
It was tempting to wonder if it was really necessary to do so, but since he had seen Cha So-young's sincerity more than once or twice, Lee Jun-hee simply nodded obediently.
"Okay. I'll tell you. Are you going to take Shin Jae-hyuk to the hospital now?"
"well…"
Cha So-young answered with a serious expression while packing Shin Jae-hyeok's luggage and quickly picked up the bags for both people.
"I need to think about that from now on."
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Common sense has changed, traces have changed. Among them, I am probably the only one who is different. I don't think that anyone else besides me has experienced this phenomenon. Even if it did, unless we are close enough to see each other every day, we wouldn't know about it.
I got up from my bed and thought about the changes in common sense that I had checked on my phone, and listed the discomfort I felt in the classroom and the changes I had discovered on my way home.
Female employees serving customers at a mart butcher shop. A job advertisement with the strange phrase "Women + Military Service Preference" written on a telephone pole. Women smoking cigarettes in smoking areas or on the street with confidence.
And gazes filled with an unspeakable curiosity that I had never felt before.
"… Man, woman…"
Those two words that I muttered out loud as if confirming my feelings seemed close to the correct answer. Just like what I saw and felt at school, 'masculine' women and 'feminine' men.
The roles of men and women, or their behaviors, their sexual ideas, and if you think about it more deeply, their genes themselves may be different. There is no way to confirm that as an individual.
'Mom…'
I suppressed my anxiety, thinking that it would be better to wait at home since I had heard the voice on the phone.
First of all, considering that she hasn't contacted me, her only family member, and that she answered my phone naturally, I don't think anything unusual has happened to her mother.
In the current situation, wouldn't it be funny to worry about my mother who has become my 'father'? Anyway, the fact that I am a third-year high school boy preparing for the college entrance exam doesn't change. There are a lot of things to worry about, but I'll just do what I have to do.
'… What about Cha So-young?'
'Shin Jae-hyeok's girlfriend, 'Cha So-young'. How should I treat her? It was such a heavy issue that I wanted to avoid it at all costs.
If you explain to Cha So-young the difference between her 'Shin Jae-hyeok' me, will she be able to accept it? From Cha So-young's perspective, it's like stealing away her boyfriend of half a year and her childhood friend of over 10 years.
The feelings that 'Cha So-young' had for 'Shin Jae-hyeok'. I couldn't imagine how great those feelings were that I had avoided in the previous world. I felt crushed by guilt.
I could have chosen to keep my secret a secret and act as a boyfriend, but it was impossible to do that to Cha So-young, let alone anyone else. If I cared even a little bit about her, it was something I shouldn't have done.
It's the same from my perspective. Someday, the self-loathing that has built up will explode.
"Let's think."
After thinking about it, I made up my mind.
'You don't know what Cha So-young thinks of 'Shin Jae-hyeok', right?'
They might call me crazy, or they might just spit out cold sarcasm at me for making up ridiculous excuses to break up.
Maybe your heart has already withered and you can just say, "Okay, I get it," and break up coolly.
It's not like I'm the only guy here, and if that were the case, a clean breakup would be possible.
"Oh, Mom will be home soon."
Of course, I had to do what I had to do first. As I was thinking that and about to get up, I suddenly heard the front door open.
'You're here early?'
Since there was nothing to eat for dinner, I figured there was no need to rush, so I went into the living room to greet my mother.
"Mom is here~"
"Are you back?"
It felt somewhat blunt. Maybe it was because the man and woman had switched places. I reached out to take the clothes, but my mother passed me by and continued speaking.
"Jaehuk. A student from your school is waiting for you in front of your house. She said has something to say, so you two should talk about it. Mom will take care of dinner."
A hint of joy appeared on her smiling face.
Who is it? If it was Cha So-young, my mother would not have called her a student at our school. I simply put on some clothes and went out the door.
And what I saw was a unique silhouette due to his tall stature that I could tell without even looking at his face.
"Hello, Jaehyuk."
Cha So-young.
I was breathless with embarrassment, as if I had been caught off guard.