I don't know what to say, or how to say it.
But I just did.
All I can say is that taking a life is much more difficult than the different entertainment media make it seem in the various works created for entertainment purposes.
– yes
Killing someone turns out to be a monumental effort, involving subduing someone with the same or more stamina than you, which causes an equivalent amount of energy to be consumed as the victim uses to resist, plus the whole experience is quite stressful for both sides, which causes a lot more energy to be consumed, not to mention that a corpse weighs more than it looks and to make the experience worse, death tends to cause the loss of sphincter control, in short, corpses release everything they have in their intestines in case they have something, and unfortunately for me the guy had something in his intestines.
–ha
And I think I realized something strange about myself because I thought that when it was all over, I would have reacted differently, I would have felt guilty or gone into shock like so many documentaries and stories say happens to first-time killers, but it just didn't happen, more than anything else I felt tired from the amount of effort I had to put in to complete the task.
I wasn't scared by what I did, I didn't feel guilty, nor was I in a state of euphoria enjoying the situation like some kind of psychopath, maybe I was a little happy and feeling a sense of accomplishment, feeling that I had found the solution to a persistent problem, but now I was only worried about what I was going to do with the body, how I would erase my traces, because I realized that I made several mistakes when committing the murder.
Well, I did it guided by emotions, and although I had a knife with me, for some reason I decided to complete the job with my own hands, which led me to see the expression of desperation on his face, the sudden movements of his limbs trying to remove my hands from his neck, I saw his vain attempts to scream while the lack of air stifled his screams, and the life slowly escaped from his eyes, while he continued trying to bury his nails in my hands that were around his neck.lit, but after what seemed like 5 minutes of my life, I knew the job was complete.
But even though he was wearing gloves for the cold, which I think will hide my tracks, I followed him to an unguarded area, I don't think he managed to break my skin because of my coat, and since I didn't vomit or bleed I don't think he left genetic material behind that would allow me to be tracked, but I think it will be quite difficult to hide the evidence if I leave the cup here because if it were other circumstances like having stabbed him or shot him, I could make it look like it was an assault where the victim resisted and things ended badly if I had tortured him before killing him in another way I could have taken advantage of his connection to the underworld to make this look like a gang dispute or maybe make him look like a traitor so that this would look like a warning to anyone who wanted to try it.
But I was impulsive, and now I have to deal with a corpse, who has all sorts of signs that he was the victim of a personal vendetta, because I seriously doubt that anyone would choose to suffocate a perfect stranger to death, it's too personal and shows too many shades of hatred or a strange fetish, because killing someone by suffocating them is a process that takes too long, making the resolve of whoever attempts it waver and stop halfway when they realize what they're doing and have to deal with watching and feeling a life fade away in your own hands.
But there is an exception to this, and these are individuals motivated by extreme emotions or abnormal desires, which make the executor able to continue with the task until the end and even enjoy the process, unfortunately for me, this corpse seems to be a victim of this type of person, in an area where records of serial killers are almost non-existent, but where there is a record of crime for potions and revenge, which only complicates the situation for me.
– You know, they usually say that death ends hatred, because there is no one left to hate. But the truth is that I still hate you and I think I hate you even more because even after your death you are still a source of problems for me.
I think what I did had unexpected consequences, not because I'm suddenly feeling guilt, regret, or anything like that, but because I think something is a little wrong with me now.
After all, I'm talking to a dead person, while I loot the corpse, looking for some information and all their identification methods, so I can get rid of them, just to make the job of whoever has to investigate this incident more difficult.
But this would only delay the inevitable, thanks to fingerprints, DNA, all kinds of legal records, and the various methods of forensic investigation.
The only way I can think of that would work to clean up the evidence, would be to rip out all the teeth from the body, remove all of the flesh and organs, grind them up, and proceed to feed them to various stray animals, and finally proceed to grind up the bones until they are small enough to mix with cement, creating little structures that will then be dumped into some large enough body of water or landfill.
But in this situation, it is quite difficult to complete these steps, well not without help, and I clearly know who to involve in this, he is the only person who could understand how it ends in this situation, because in the end he was the one who accompanied me through this whole problem, and now I am going to involve him much more, in what could be a much bigger problem.
But how to contact him, if my phone has not worked for quite some time, the answer is quite simple.
– You know, I think I hate you less now than I should at this moment, after all, for the first time you are being useful to me, instead of causing me problems or ruining my life, if you could talk I would surely agree, after all, no one should be willing to be an obstacle for others even after their death, don't you think….
I say as I continue searching through his pockets and backpack until I finally find what I was looking for, a phone, which for some reason he kept in his backpack instead of his pockets, I guess it's something related to the criminal world that I don't understand.
I appreciate how lazy our society has become, after all, years ago passwords and patterns were required to unlock phones, but now all you need is a face or a fingerprint, which makes my job much easier this time.
– I... Damn, I almost completely forgot that you could do that.
I curse my own stupidity as I hold up the phone, having completely forgotten that phone companies could track the call history of a phone chip, so if I called anyone this way, it would make me a target for suspicion.
– …Mmmm
– At least it will be a nuisance for them.
With this slight change of plans I decided that before changing my chip, I would cause problems for a certain group of people.
So I decided to search through his phone call history, looking for certain numbers that he contacts with some regularity, but that have links to his physical identity. In short, I look for the contacts of his bosses and his colleagues, and I only need one of them to answer to divert the blame a little, although it is easy to dispel those suspicions, it can also have other unexpected effects and make those on the other end a little uncomfortable.
– *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
Waiting is the worst part of life... and in the end, one of the numbers I identified as a candidate did not respond.
– Then let's move on to the next candidate.
I'm starting to think that believing something changed in me at some point, after all, I'm not the kind of person who talks to herself out loud.
– Don't you think it's strange? You already know how to talk to yourself, talk to a corpse like yourself, and on top of that act like a creepy psychopath, hiding in an abandoned building next to a corpse that he keeps talking to.
– *Ring* *Ring* *Ring*
Just silence while the ringtone plays a second time like background music.
– You know, I wish you could talk, then it wouldn't be so boring and uncomfortable to wait, although I'm sure that if I heard you talk, I would kill you again, something that wouldn't be pleasant for either of us.
– *Ring* *Ring*....
– Hello ….., who is speaking?
Bingo, finally someone took the bait, and as much as he wanted to talk he would stay in the conversation longer, making it easier to direct suspicion toward him.
– Adam, is that you?
– …
– What's wrong with you, are you an idiot or what, what are you doing calling at this hour and then staying creepily silent?
– …
– Hey, motherfucker, respond properly when I talk to you…
– …
– Damn it, Adam, answer me already, you already interested me, you better answer me because you did it and it should be important.
– Adam… damn it…
He finally hung up, and although the call didn't last long, I think it would be enough to arouse suspicion in certain individuals.
– With that settled, let's get to work on solving this problem.
So I take out the chip from the phone and replace it with my chip, because although phone companies track calls and locations, it is quite rare for phone manufacturers to get involved, as far as I know, they only get involved with national security issues and even then they would have to be forced and threatened, so when dealing with a case as small as this one it is quite safe what I am doing, which is calling an accomplice in question.
– Hey, this is Tres, I have the pleasure of doing it.
– Hi, I'm Kaden.
– Oh Kaden, how are you? Did you get home safely? Did you forget something or do you need some help?
– I arrived safely but things didn't go as expected, mmmm…. You see, I think I have a little problem, and I need your help, I really need you to come and get me urgently.
I think I finally understand, it's not like there was something wrong with me, I just feel like myself, after a long time,
Without realizing it at this time, I stopped being myself, I was depressed, tired, worried, anxious, and constantly on edge, without finding any real solution, at some point I lost myself and became a shell full of doubts, unsure of what I should be, desperate for my helplessness.
But I think this moment was quite enlightening because I think I finally have an answer to what I need to do and what I should aim for.
If I'm still stuck in the same situation, I'm no longer trapped in the tunnel vision that prevents me from seeing the bigger picture.
I may not be able to get what I want by following the rules, But I don't need to, I don't have the ability to solve my problems right now, But I can solve them in the future, I just need to be patient to solve problems on my own terms and not on someone else's.
– Tell me where you are and I'll come find you in a little while.
I can hear it in his voice, I think he's more worried than he lets on, as if he knew he was in a state where he could do something very stupid, and in a way he has reason to be worried.
– Ok, just don't be surprised when you arrive, oh.. and remember to bring your car, I'm not in a condition to move, putting up with other people.
– Ok, just wait for me to leave the place you are in.
– Believe me, I couldn't do it even if I wanted to.
– Okay, see you there, bye.
Yes, I'm sure he'll be surprised when I arrive, but I doubt he'll be able to refuse in this kind of situation, plus he shouldn't be too surprised by something like this.
After all this time, I think I can finally breathe a little easier. Metaphorically speaking, the storm is over, and all that remains is to make a statement.
"I survived the storm, and now I am the storm"