Yan Ming stared emotionlessly to the ceiling. It was as if nothing mattered anymore. Not cultivation, not love, not even life.
He knew he had to get up and cultivate even if weren't to repay Yuan Jinghua, he had to cultivate for his parents. They were waiting for him back home.
But he couldn't get up. The anguish in his heart was holding him down like an anchor.
Knock, Knock.
The door rang out with 3 knocks.
Once he heard that, he knew exactly who it was. He opened the door.
"Yan Ming, are you okay?"
Yuan Jinghua looked at Yan Ming with concern.
If it were before yesterday, he might have felt something in his heart, but now? He felt like a fool.
"Yan Ming, is something wrong?" She asked again.
"N-no, nothing. I just...miss my mother and father."
She sighs and comforted him, "Yan Ming, you should know that when we entered the sect, all worldly connections would be cut off. They will only distract you from achieving your goal of immortality."
"What if I say...I want to stop cultivating?"
"W-what?" Her eyes widened and her mouth agape. This was the first time that Yan Ming has seen her with this expression. She calmed herself down and asked, "Are you sure!? This is immortality we're talking about, Immortality!"
"I know, but even Teacher-Wen took 30 years to reach foundation stage. With my talent, by that time, I might not even passed the Qi condensation realm."
"Don't give up. If you need help, I can help you alright? You aren't alone."
Yan Ming looked in her eyes, full of light and glow.
Though this time, after knowing the truth, all it looks like, is Yuan Jinghua mocking him.
"....okay." He softly said.
Once again, Yuan Jinghua sighed and gave him the spirit rice.
"Yan Ming, you have to understand. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, you can't let it go!"
Yan ming nodded without saying another word. This time he accepts it without even refusing.
Soon enough, Yuan Jinghua left him alone.
In his room alone, he threw the bag of rice on his table and laid down on his bed.
I don't understand. You don't even care about me so why do you want me to stay?
He laughed to himself.
"Am I that worthy to be your stepping stone?"
The next day arrived. Yan Ming walked towards a large wooden news board. A paper was held by a nail for everyone to see. It reads:
"Those that take more than 5 months to reach the 4th stage of Qi condensation would be expelled."
Yan Ming looked around and saw many people who had the same expression as he did. He had no other choice than to cultivate or be kicked out, but somehow...this wasn't the life he wanted.
This rat race where people were forced to chase after the cheese for eternity.
Why...
Doubts creeped up in his mind as he looked up to the sky. The clouds blocked the sun and left him with no warmth.
Why am I cultivating? For what purpose?
He began walking back to his room. Along the way, several questions keep popping up.
Is this for my father and mother? No, if so then I would have stayed home.
Is this for me? Then why am I letting myself be played around like a toy?
Is this for Yuan Jinghua? No...I feel nothing towards her anymore. I hope to be as far away from her as I can.
Yan Ming stood in front of his door and looked down to the floor. Even after he got to his room, he still didn't have an answer.
If I have no reason, no love, and no hope...then why am I cultivating?