An alternate world in an alternate timeline, this Earth was particularly fascinating. Matters weren't solved in litigious fashion, they were solved by the human body, and rhythm.
I'm talking about dance baby!
That's right! And not just any dance, the Hokey-Pokey, the most incredibly demanding and powerful display of human ability seen in the world of dance.
And it just so happens that at this very moment, words are echoing amongst the common folk the world over of a particular bold and daring challenge, one of this very same Hokey-Pokey that might just change the world forever...
***
A television screen flicks on, while a man dressed in a courdory vest tightly covering a long-sleeved white shirt with an ample amount of ruffles, complete with newsboy cap and slacks, smoking a cigarette and pointing a remote at it observes expectedly. The cigarette doesn't have anything to do with the television turning on, but the remote does.
He takes a seat on a leather sofa, the smoke from his mouth fleeing from him with the help of the ceiling fan above. It's shy.
The television snaps quickly from channel to channel as he hurriedly makes his way to what he's looking for- the evening news.
An anchorman wearing a suit, that isn't a child, but also not dead of natural causes is sitting behind a desk. He looks a bit like he's been up for an all-nighter, hard at work; his five o'clock shadow definitely prominent.
Most people don't describe people as "sheveled", but if they did, it wouldn't be the case with him.
"Thanks for tuning in with us again, America. This is Chip Douglas with Badger news."
The watching man smirks. Badgers don't have anything to do with news.
The anchorman continues, licking his obviously dried, parched lips as a nameless intern hurriedly ushers over a bottle of water, and imediately recedes with their head down. He knows his place.
"The rumors you've undoubtedly seen on social media are true.
"A man by the name Finley "Chops" O'Cooley, from London has challenged the entire nation of Japan to a match of skill and athleticism in Hokey-Pokey. This has been confirmed by our reporter in London, Beth Winslow. We have her here now. Are you there, Beth?"
The camera switches to another shot of a woman standing on a sidewalk, with traffic behind her, looking uncomfortable. The screen states that she's in London, and you can see on her distraught face that she is, the poor thing.
"Yes, I'm here, Chip." Her response comes with a delay that is just unreasonable for real-time sharing of information.
"I just got done speaking with O'Cooley, and he confirmed that yes, he did in fact challenge Japan to Hokey-Pokey, and the reason was an unusual one. He claims the reason why, was because quote: "Sushi has no right, being so bloody damn good" end quote."
"Really?" asked Chip. "I mean, sushi is delicious, but the strongest factor in that is the seafood. He should be mad at the fish for that."
After another awkward satellite delay, Beth nods in agreement. "I said the same thing, and O'Cooley sneered at me, and responded by saying quote: "They had it comin'" end quote. Then he slammed the door in our face, and was heard drinking beer, eating, and cursing, leading us to believe that he was in fact eating sushi, at that time."
"Well, thank you Beth. Best of luck in getting home safe. Our hearts are with you."
Just then a fight erupted abruptly, when two grown men who weren't aware of one another's presence, had suddenly become so, and rushed into each other, like opposing magnets in a sprawling ball of brawl, complete with flailing limbs, unintelligible curses, and unhealthy obsession with soccer teams.
The woman Beth flew, but by running, with a terrified cry, as she fled the men, when the camera had immediately cut out.
"We're so sorry to our viewers at home, we didn't expect to see such terrible things happen. We actively make an effort here at Badger News, to bring you live coverage on all important things and all events current, and we know that graphic content is not something you want to see. We apologize again, and will make sure no more London men are caught on camera, as we report this breaking story."
The man watching the television is upset, and throws his cigarette at the screen.
"Ouch!" The anchorman rubs his forehead where the cigarette made contact.