The following day comes around with its typical too-fast speed. Unless you're bored, in which case every hour feels like an eternity for some reason.
A man sits in a cozy seat, nestled in thousands of feet above the ground- or in this case the sea, as the plane he's boarded makes its way to a foreign land, with his eyes so focused on his phone's screen, you could say it was fused to it. It isn't, but you could say that it is... Mainly if you're a liar.
He's streaming Badger News on his phone with an abated excitement, eager to learn any more information about the events to come- which he's off to see in person. Well, not in person, but in the building.
A man with dark brown hair with subtle white streaks, and a full dark brown goatee peppered with grey, who looks like he hasn't slept in days sits behind a desk, addressing the camera.
"Hello America- or should I say "World", Chip Douglas here once again. Now that Badger News has acquired licensing rights to media coverage on the events surrounding Finley "Chops" O'Cooley and Japan and their imminent collective showdown, you'll be seeing us wherever and whenever this breaking story develops.
"We have word that O'Cooley is scheduled to arrive in Tokyo within the coming couple of days, and Japan has responded with an amazing roar of defiant fervor. Legendary Japanese Hokey-Pokey veterans are expected to be in attendance for the occasion, both to witness it unfold, and some to take part in Japan's bid for victory.
"Hideyoshi Toyotama, an eighty-three year old Hokey-Pokey veteran of more than eight hundred wins and three confirmed kills- one of which while he was blinded by the bone fragments of another opponent's shattered skull, is said to be coming to assist in providing brief live commentary for Badger News's live coverage of the event, in its entirety.
Another incredibly talented Toyota T. Toyota will also be taking part in the event on behalf of Japan. Toyota is said to be the "spiritual son" of Toyotama, alleged to be undefeated, and just three months ago is said to have had three people he was scheduled to Hokey-Pokey against, end up committing seppuku when they realized who they were to face.
"While it's an open-and-shut case with regards to these competitors' deaths, we ask our viewers for sake of entertainment to please consider these to be under "mysterious circumstances".
That's all on the events transpiring so far, at this time."
Shifting some of what looks like flashcards in his hands, even though they're paper cards, Douglas goes on to cover another topic.
With a grim tone and equally-measured look on his face, he begins.
"These days, exercising your freedom of choice with regards to your immune system is always difficult, but today there might just be a new and patriotic way to protect yourself this flu season.
His tone then changes to an upbeat and positive tone, complete with happy smiling demeanor.
"This flu season, big pharma and big oil work together to help you, take back your health. They're called "Fractcines", and by simply boring into the vestigial calcium membrane surrounding the brain, doctors are now able to provide immediate and superfluous amounts of health to you, in one simple process, with three simple steps! Here's a quick look."
A video cuts in, showing a middle-aged woman sitting in a chair in what looks like a dentist's office, even though it's a doctor's. She's American. Despite being strapped to the chair for her own protection, she's incredibly free.
A doctor stands behind her with what looks like a simple power drill and pair of scissors.
"Are you ready for your Fractcine, miss?"
She eagerly responds with lively energy that only capitalism can provide.
"Yes! Drill baby, drill!"
The doctor then begins to drill into the brain-tainer, and the sound of bone giving way to the drill bit echoes in the small room, as the woman moans in a blissfully patriotic, guttural way.
"Right this way!" The bone says, silently.
Within a few seconds, the drill bit makes its way through the barrier, and retreats from the hole, along with a large quantity of hair that's been wrapped in it, which is promptly cut with the previously mentioned scissors.
The doctor administered a syringe of liquid into the brain, and puts a band-aid on top of it.
Good as new!
"All done, ma'am! Thank you, and be sure to come back next winter!"
The woman stares into the camera with eyes facing in two different directions. The lucky gal's blind with freedom.
She goes to raise a lollipop to her mouth but it instead sticks to her cheek.
"Mmmmmm..."
Several seconds later she continues, "Gobess amake a."
With her freedom and sovreignty at its peak, and her autonomy and cognizance on a brief, permanent cooldown, the video ends.