Jacques glances across the room suspiciously. There, Charles is talking to someone. Surprising, remembering that the boy isn't always that social type, Jacques didn't even know if he got friend. And suddenly he talk to someone?
and that someone is Mourice? The Big Mo?! of all people, it's Big Mo?
He's like the coolest guy in the room! Always good at anything, and also the one who you look at when you seek for validation. But the things that makes Jacques uneasy is the secret that Big Mo had been keeping from other people. Yes, he is attractive, girls loves him, and he always changes girlfriend. However, Jacques can tell easily that he is a bisexual.
And that, is the problem.
If he is straight, Jacques got nothing to worry about. But he is bisexual.
also, there's something else that bothers him so much; the way Charles respond to him.
Jacques never knew that Charles can smile when talking to someone. He knew that Charles is easily to flustered, but never flustered that way the way he was when he talk to Big Mo right now.
Something isn't right.
Jacques approaches them, and Big Mo notice his shadow walking closer.
"Hi, Jacques?" Big Mo greets him.
Before talking, Jacques wipes his nose with his finger quickly, "Hey, guys, you all seem really into this. What's going on? Am I missing something?"
Big Mo just laughs as if it was a joke, casual joke.
Charles, however, just turned his head to Jacques, looking a bit annoyed. "We are discussing something."
"Yeah, the material is a bit difficult for him to understand, so I'm here to give him a piece of my mind," Big Mo added.
"You know I'm terrible at Body Language and Microexpressions," Charles continued, finishing Big Mo's sentence.
"And I'm really good at it," Big Mo said with a proud smile.
"Great. What's next? Bed?" Jacques shot back, his words cutting through the conversation.
Charles' smile immediately faded.
"Whoa… brother. We're just friends, discussing lessons. I help him, he helps me back. Just friends," Big Mo quickly explained, sensing the jealousy behind Jacques' comment.
Jacques refused to engage further. He adjusted the sling bag on his shoulder and gave Big Mo a sharp look, as if trying to provoke a fight. But how could he do it without a good reason?
He couldn't just pick a fight simply because Charles seemed to be enjoying Big Mo's company more than his.
Charles felt the tension, and it made him uncomfortable. He hurriedly grabbed his books and stormed out of the class. Jacques shot a vicious look at Mourice before walking away.
Mourice shook his head. It wasn't the first time he had dealt with a jealous crush, so he took it easy. But then he noticed—Charles had left one of his books behind. His smile widened.
"I guess it's not the end after all. I'll see you soon, twinkie."
***
Jacques never went to the library, which is why Mourice chose to return Charles' book there. His smile brightened as he handed it back.
"I was looking for this everywhere. How did you find it?" Charles asked, giving a rare soft smile—one he never gave to anyone, not even Jacques.
"I thought you left it on purpose so we could talk again," Mourice shrugged, just as happy as Charles.
Charles glanced around, checking for any sign of Jacques or his friends. When it seemed safe, he asked, "Wanna continue our discussion?"
"I'm still on my shift in which will ends in 30 minutes. If you want to wait, I'm down. And I promise you, it'll be worth it," Mourice said confidently with a nod.
"Then I shall set up camp right there," Charles said, stepping into the library and making himself comfortable.
***
Mourice surely brought huge changes to Charles's life. Suddenly, he was more sociable and kinder. No more introvert Charles who only cared about himself and his grades. He became more open to other people and easier to talk to. No more cold, emotionless answers—instead, he put feeling into his interactions, so much that it scared him.
Jacques?
He noticed that Charles had a new friend—and probably one who was getting even closer than they should. What annoyed him the most was how happy Charles looked when talking to Mourice.
He noticed that Charles never looked that happy when talking to him.
So, one day, when Charles and Mourice were talking together in class, Jacques carefully approached and sat behind them. The seat behind them was higher, so neither Charles nor Mourice noticed him coming.
Jacques listened closely to their conversation. They were discussing the class—the material, the subject—and how difficult Charles was finding it to understand.
But there was something about the way Charles spoke to Mourice that left Jacques disappointed.
He doesn't want to think about it, he brush it off thinking they're just friends, nothing more. If Charles really like him, he will tell Jacques. But it stays at the back of his head, and it annoys him, and destroys his mood. When he show up in Sulu's headquarter, he couldn't focus so Sulu scolds him.
"Jacques, are you even listening?"
Jacques blinked, pulled out of his thoughts. "Huh?"
Sulu sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I asked you—what's the purpose of the hyperdrive stabilizer?"
Jacques mind working unusually slow, digging for the answer, but all he could see was Charles' smile—that damn smile he gave to Mourice but never to him.
"It… uh… controls the propulsion flow?"
Sulu's glare sharpened. "No. That's the flux compensator. The stabilizer regulates the gravitational pull during hyperspace jumps so the ship doesn't tear itself apart."
Jacques' jaw tightened. He knew that. He definitely knew that.
But his mind was elsewhere.
Stuck on Charles.
Stuck on Mourice.
"Get your head straight, Jacques. I don't want to keep wasting my time teaching someone who's no longer interested."
Jacques nodded. "Yes, sir!"
But Sulu wasn't satisfied. He walked toward Jacques and stared at him sharply. "I mean it. You're not the only boy who's come to me begging to learn how to fly a spaceship because they couldn't enter the pilot program without money. But you know what? None of them ever made it."
Sulu's eyes narrowed. "Suddenly their mom died, so they had to take care of their siblings. Suddenly their situation changed so they have to focus on university. Now, tell me—what happened to you suddenly?"
Jacques was taken aback. He knew the answer—but he couldn't give it to Sulu. Because deep down, he knew he was exactly like those people who gave up halfway.
"You came to me and told me this was your dream. But I don't think you really mean it." Sulu's tone was cold and cutting.
"I mean it, sir!" Jacques immediately snapped.
But he couldn't say the rest of it—However… the most important part of that dream is slipping away. This was supposed to be our dream—a shared dream—but what's the point of chasing it if Charles isn't there? He's at the brink of losing it all.
If this is just a misunderstanding, Charles better explain it before it drives Jacques insane. And if this is no longer his dream… Charles better say it, so everything is finally clear.
"Hello?" Sulu snapped his fingers in front of Jacques' face multiple times, snapping him out of the spiral in his head.
"Focus. What's the function of the inertial dampener?"
Jacques opened his mouth—But nothing came out.
Returning home, driving his motorcycle, Jacques was determined. Sulu had forbidden him from returning until he got his mind back and focused on his dream. He needed to clear things up first before continuing.
He had to ask Charles—confront him about his situation with Mourice.
Because, to be honest… it seemed a bit unfair to him.
It was 3 a.m. when Jacques arrived back at the dorm—earlier than his usual returns, which were around 6 a.m. He climbed the dormitory gate to enter, scaling the wall and stepping on the supporting architectural curves until he reached his dorm window and slipped inside.
As his head entered the room, he immediately noticed something wasn't right—Charles wasn't there.
The room felt empty. Abandoned.
Just like their shared dream of a space voyage.
Jacques sat in the dorm, unable to stay calm. He paced back and forth, wondering—where did Charles go?
If he went to Mourice's dorm in the west wing, would Jacques find them there? Or… what if this had nothing to do with Mourice? What if something bad had happened to Charles?
Jacques sat down on Charles's bunk. It smelled like orange—he knew Charles used lemon-scented detergent.
He laid his head on Charles's pillow, trying to imagine Charles's perspective when he lay down here every night. But then, he noticed something tucked under the pillow.
It was a manga book—horror genre.
Jacques took his time flipping through the pages. It was about a woman who manipulated her husband, hiding the fact that he was actually a serial killer. The scenes in the manga were disturbing—so much so that Jacques began to wonder what kind of person would enjoy a story like this.
Especially when, at the end of the manga, the woman tried to kill her husband.
Her husband begged her, "Don't you love me? Why are you doing this?"
But his wife just laughed like a maniac and said, "Darling, I married you because you were the easiest to manipulate. If you die, I can just find another man like you to protect and provide for me."
"A guy like you… is very dumb. All I have to do is show my femininity, give you the illusion of love, and you'll give me everything."
What in the world---
A click sound came from the door, and Charles showed up, looking sleepy. When he noticed Jacques lying on his bed, holding his manga, his expression darkened.
"What are you doing on my bed, reading my comic? This is a violation of personal space!"
Jacques gave a faint smile. "There you go… the grumpy Charles I always knew."
He dropped the manga onto the bed and making himself more comfortable.
"Back then in class, I was shocked to see how pretty your smile is when you talk to Mourice. I don't know if you're very capable of that." Jacques' eyes narrowed slightly.
Charles close the door behind him and lean back on it while folding his arms, "what do you want? Problem? Gaslighting me? I don't have time for that immaturity."
Jacques exhales and sits on the bed, "I think it's time we talk."