Chapter 10-1
Adam and Eve
Part 2
Like most campers, I was fairly decent only wearing a pair of shorts. There were the exceptions like small children who had chosen not to as they were still giddy about the idea of a big giant bathtub and who could blame them? My mother and my grandmother had already gone to bed each sharing a tent with one of my sisters. It still didn't make me all warm and fuzzy inside knowing most likely my mother would force my sisters to participate, but neither was I all that concerned.
If I had my way, they would have stayed home with my father, but my mother and my grandmother are hoping that desensitizing them it would nip the problem in the bud. When it comes to going down the same road as the three bad boys, not that I think it would go beyond more than looking, well I hoped not.
I stood up from my lawn chair across from Shane's when my foster Mom approached me. Aaron was out like a light next to Shane, and you can say I felt a little bit jealous, but Shane was just as much as my brother as Aaron was and I was glad that he felt safe like I do with his big arms around his shoulders. Seldom had Aaron had a night-terror when Shane was nearby. I only wish I could have said the same, but I can't. Yet the night-terrors had lessened a bit.
Even more so, knowing that my parents can no longer hurt me inside a dream unless I let them, it doesn't mean I don't have them; I have just learned to take control of them either that or just don't sleep. It didn't matter if my mother had changed in this reality, but in my dream reality, she was still as much as a monster as my father when it came to physical and mental abuse.
I waited for her to call me mule boy as she approached me, but instead, she took me by the hand and led me along the shore of the water. The first thought that came to my mind was she was about to drown me, but all she did was remove her shoes and pat the large rock next to her, having me take a seat. I knew if she really wanted to she could easily drown me by simply knocking me over the head with a rock or large baseball bat size branch and it would be morning before anyone found me dead floating in the water, but all she wanted to do was talk, and I knew I needed to tread lightly to keep that monster inside of her locked inside the cage, granted I was more scared of the monster inside my foster Dad than her.
Mom squeezed my hand lovingly as she looked upon the calm water as it lapped over her small bare feet. She let go of a slow sigh of longing or dreading how to approach the subject. She started with, "I assume by now you have heard what has taken place at home?" I nodded that I did, feeling very sick to my stomach. She quickly let go of my hand, taking a deep sigh of regret. I could tell right away that she too was having a hard time getting the image out of her mind, even more so being her own son, Shawn, was at the root of it.
Just like that, the warmth in her eyes went from warm to cold quickly grabbing my chin and letting her fingernails dig into my skin. "My question is "boy," she said the word "boy" like stone-cold metal scraping against the rock that we were now sitting on. "If you have told anyone regarding it, or are you part of the same cloth as Arthur and Danny? Don't lie "boy," I always know when you do."
She slowly dug deeper into my skin, smiling when she could see the pain she was inflicting. I said. "No, Ma'am, not a word to anyone, and will do so as long as they do not and you and Dad don't harm me like you did before." I knew it was a lie counting the bricks that were slowly added to my wall, but one thing I had learned to live with the Rothwells is that nothing stays a secret for long, and if I believed what I said was the truth, then it was.
Grandma told me that promises that hide a dark secret like the ones the Rothwells were hiding should always be broken for one's own safety. I feared for my very life when it came to this very secret that was taking place down in that basement. She also told me to only tell those kinds of secrets to people I could trust in my life. She would ask, 'If you were to die, who could you trust besides God to keep your secret safe?'
Mom slowly turned my head from side to side, looking deep into my eyes, and finally let go. I sat watching her shoulders sink, but even that much let me know the storm was on the brink. Yet deep down, I knew she believed me. Well, I hope she did. I pulled my knees up to my chest wanting very much to scream telling her I was lying for my own safety and others that would be placed in their home, but Mom had a right to be concerned like any parent would be if this was happening in their home. I loved her, and every day I questioned that. I knew if she really wanted to, she could kill me, but for now, I needed to show her that I loved her.
Shane had given me lots of advice on how to handle the monster inside of her, just by showing her that I cared and understood instead of judging her and giving her a reason to believe me is all she really needed. I scooted closer, putting my hand on top of hers. She looked at me. I could see tears forming in her eyes. I swallowed and said. "Mom, you know I am not gay, and you know I am not a bad kid like Danny or Kelly. Yet it seems that you and Dad always accuse me of being like them. In fact, the last time you did you nearly sent me away because of all the evidence that they themselves had planted to say I was. Even then, you didn't believe me when I said I didn't do it. Do you remember what happened?"
Mom stared at me, then flung her arms around me. I held her as she cried into my shoulder. "You weren't guilty, and we thought you were." I slowly stroked the back of her hair leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. After nearly three years, we are almost the same size. Where had the time gone?
I looked at her in the eye. "So, what's changed, Mom? Is the evidence piling up stating that I have done the same thing as them and I needed to prove to you and Dad that I am not guilty? Or do you really believe that just because I am a foster kid who has come to love you like you are my actual parents? Mom, were in the middle of nowhere filled with people that if I was gay, I would have a hard-on the second I saw them naked. Not even a pair of tits gets me all that excited and I am not ashamed when it does happen. Because you have taught me it is part of life, nothing for me to be embarrassed about."
Mom slowly smiled when she looked up at me, then kissed me on the cheek. "I love you, Tiger. I never really doubted you, but hearing it come out of their mouth that you are just as guilty as they are makes it hard not to believe it's true when every foster kid that has come into our home is a born liar. Yet in my heart, I know you are nothing like them and, unlike them, you have shown that you are neither gay nor a sex addict. But in my mind, I see you sitting with them, experimenting with the things that God had not intended to be used in that way.
"Not once have you covered up because you were aroused by seeing anyone naked. You were only aroused because of other things beyond your control like a good tickle fight." Mom reached over and found my tickle spot just under my ribcage and worked herself down to my feet. Like my mother, she had my shorts off before I could stop her, said. "The last one to the barge is a rotten egg."
Even though it was late, Mom knew I was an excellent swimmer. I only waited long enough for her to join me, watching her beautiful body glisten in the moonlight as her clothes piled on the rocks where we had sat. My mother will never be skinny like my foster Mom and that too wasn't a big deal to me. For me, they both will be beautiful, for I don't see their nakedness, all I see is their heart and how much it loves me. Even today, I still find them beautiful and thankful for being raised in this carefree lifestyle. My only hope was if I got married and had kids of my own. That I too would teach them the very principles and values I had learned from my foster parents and most importantly a carefree lifestyle like what I had learned from them, filled with love beyond words, something my father would never understand and what my mother is now learning. It was not just her who had lost all those years it was me as well.
Like always, I let Mom beat me to the barge, drifting at least half a mile from the shores of the pond as we flounder on top of it. We lay side by side, letting the cool air tickle our skin and the moonshine down upon us. I felt at peace with myself as I lay there with my head resting on Mom's bosoms, letting her wrap her arms around my shoulders as we both watched the night sky. Some would find this creepy or immoral, but to me, she was just as much like my mother as any of my other foster mothers, and for us; I was her son. I didn't see her in any other light. I didn't see bare breasts all I saw was Mom, and she was beautiful.
I remember the first time she hugged me not realizing at first that we were both naked as my forehead touched her bare breast, how quickly I jerked away when I realized them, and how embarrassed I felt. It was weeks before I could not look at her and not blush. When Mom hugged me fully clothed, I still jerked away, for all I could see were her breasts touching me. Mom realized I was embarrassed by it, but because we had an open relationship, it was easy to talk about it. Mom knew I knew every part of a woman's body and each function as well as my own.
So, one night Dad and she came into my room closing the door for some privacy. Sat down beside me asked me why I was embarrassed about a simple touch of affection when I have hugged her many times before. At first, I felt that I was treading on a sexual nature, but because of our open relationship, it was easy to give an answer without feeling ashamed or embarrassed. So I shook my head and said. "I can't because she is a woman, and respectful guys don't treat a woman's body sexually."
At first, I thought they would laugh at me, but they didn't. Dad simply said. "Son, are you planning on having sex with my wife your mother or do you fantasize about doing so?"
I said, "No Dad, it's just it's different now since I have seen her naked and I don't know when it's ok and when it's not." Dad asked me if I get aroused by it and I said no. When I said no, he and Mom felt quite pleased, and had me remove all of my clothes. I knew better than to argue and besides, they had seen me naked more times than it's not worth counting, so I complied, but still didn't keep me from blushing.
Mom patted me gently on the bottom like they always do when showing me and my brother's affection, but this time Dad asked me and Mom if any of us felt aroused. I shook my head no and turned around and showed them. Mom stating when she lays my head on her breast, she feels the same way as if she was patting me lovingly on the bottom. Telling me when she hugs me only in our skin or in our clothes there is no sexual desire intended, just love for each other. I shouldn't be afraid or embarrassed by the fact that only offering of love, not sex.
Mom slowly undressed in front of me, having me touch her the same way as she touched me. Dad asked me if I felt any sexual desires. I said. "No, but it did feel uncomfortable." He understood and told me that. "It's like giving someone a bath that you don't know for the first time, that most likely when you have children of your own that too won't be a big deal." Ever since that night, I never felt embarrassed when my mother or my foster Mom, or my sisters hugged me only in our skin.
It felt even better after talking to Shane about it and finding the similarities, but like him, it didn't have the same effect until, after Mom made us give her a bath in the tub or the shower it was different when it came to Jarred or Jason they seemed to have no problem with it, but I can't say the same for Shawn and Danny. They didn't have an open relationship with Mom and Dad as the rest of us did. And would be quite embarrassed by the fact if we talked about our bodies and how they were changing.
Again, I know it sounds creepy to give your own mother a bath or even your sister, foster sister in my case, but Dad and Mom were right. It had nothing to do with sex. It was out of love for each other. Sometimes even my mother would let me do it after learning that my foster parents were teaching me the difference between what sex truly was and it was more than just seeing the opposite sex naked.
It was nearly dawn before we swam back, watching the camp spring to life slowly. I couldn't believe we had spent the entire night just me and her talking about what was important to us as we watched the sun come over the mountain. If I only I knew it would be the last time we would feel this close before fate steps in. I would have never let her go, but like always fate is always cruel. In some ways, Jeff or God was preparing me for the hard times to come. If I had one wish, if I couldn't have the Downing's I would give almost anything to have stayed with the Rothwells. Knowing I could have been happy there, I could live with the fact that I hated them, I feared them and most importantly I loved them, but fate or God is cruel.
When we reached the shore, we quickly gathered our clothes and put my arm around Mom's waist while we tucked our clothing under our arms as we walked back to our tents. To everyone else, we had gone for an early morning swim, but when I reached my tent, my mother was waiting for me. When she saw us together, I could see the hurt in her eyes, my foster Mom stated that she wanted to go for an early morning swim with me before she left for home.
My mother nodded, but the hurt never left her eyes. She felt jealous that my foster Mom was skinnier than her and how much she loved me and would flaunt it in front of her of all the years she had missed out on watching me grow up. It didn't matter how many times I have told her I didn't care if she was skinny and loved her, it still hurt watching her compare herself to her or any of my foster mothers who did love me. Susan and Becky scowled at me the second they noticed me, stating the fact that we were naked, and the entire world could see how immoral we were. It was even worse when Jody and Kerry came out naked as the day they were born, only giving me enough time to set down my clothes and drag Shane and Aaron out of bed to join them.
My foster Mom gave me a loving pat on the butt and a kiss on the cheek, releasing me to join them. My mother never moved as they stared at each other like they were about to have a showdown. Personally, I didn't want to stick around to find out, so I ran after them even though my foster Mom and I had been up all night talking and basking in the moonlight. I loved my older sisters Kerry and Jody and felt sad that Kerry and Mom were leaving, but I was also glad that Jody and my two younger brothers and Shane were staying. Not that I was really alone with all my closest friends and my grandmother and my mother still here, but it was nice to have my family close by, even more so with Aaron.