Chapter 23: Squirrels of Doom
After leaving Scarface behind—who, by the way, looked like a kicked puppy the entire time—I finally set off. Seriously, if his big, droopy face had looked any sadder, I'd have felt compelled to take him along just to stop the guilt trip. But sadly, that didn't happen（＾ω＾）
"Stay here and watch the base," I told him. "I need someone reliable in charge."
He'd grumbled something about "reliable doesn't mean happy" before stomping off to yell at an ogre who was trying to eat dirt.
Yep. Everything's fine. Totally fine, hahaha...(*^▽^*)
With the camp fading behind me, I focused on my first task: scouting the area around us. Rule number one of survival: always check your surroundings. I wasn't about to let a pack of angry trolls—or worse, some kind of nightmarish forest monster—wander up to the camp and make an afternoon snack of the goblins or any of them, as the one they entrusted their lives to lead, this was my duty.
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Hour One: Perimeter Check.
I scanned the woods carefully as I walked, keeping my hand on the hilt of my sword.
How did I get the sword? Stealing of course!
I'm just kidding, we found some crudely made swords while on patrol a few days back and decided to take it with us. So, uh...definitely not stealing(;¬_¬)
The trees were thick, the underbrush alive with rustling leaves and chirping ugly bugs, but nothing jumped out at me—yet.
Every now and then, I poked my head into a bush, just to be thorough. We don't know if there's a monster smaller than even the porcupine whom by the way, moved away(•_•;)
Reason? The other member of the tribe were humungous compared to the small size of the porcupines, and since they live underground, they're always being disturbed due to the strong movements of the ogre's training and the stupid doings of the goblins. As thanks for their help though I still gave them enough food to atleast survive until they find a new home.
At one point, I thought I saw something move. My body tensed as I gripped my sword and turned slowly… only to spot a frog. A very unbothered, extremely slimy frog.
I squinted at it.
"You better not be planning anything," I muttered, pointing a finger at the amphibian (ಠ_ಠ)
The frog blinked at me. I blinked back. A brief standoff ensued before it decided I wasn't worth its time and hopped off into the swampy underbrush.
"…That's what I thought." Okay, so I may be paranoid, big deal!
So far, no potential threats. Thank the gods for small mercies. I wasn't exactly looking forward to losing a goblin or two to whatever horrible thing roamed these woods. I mean, they're goblins—it's practically their life goal to get eaten, but I'd still feel guilty about it.
After another hour of wandering and finding nothing but trees, moss, and one extremely confused rabbit, I decided to push further north.
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Hour Two: Fruit and Fury.
Heading deeper into the forest turned out to be the right call. Before long, I stumbled upon a small clearing filled with fruit trees. Not just any fruit either—these were shiny, big, juicy fruits that practically sparkled in the sunlight. My stomach rumbled just looking at them.
"Oh, jackpot," I whispered, a greedy smile spreading across my face. "That's winter food right there."
I took a cautious step forward, mentally already planning how to grab as many of these as I could.
And that's when I noticed the squirrels.
At first, it was just one. A plump, oversized squirrel sitting on a low branch, watching me with beady, judgmental eyes. Then another squirrel scurried into view. Then two more. Then another until...a dozen came into view(●__●;)
I froze.
The trees were full of them—giant squirrels, each the size of a small dog. They stared down at me in eerie silence, their fluffy tails twitching menacingly. I swear one of them cracked its knuckles.
"…Oh no," I mumbled, taking a step back.
The squirrels didn't move. They just watched.
I forced a nervous laugh. "Okay, haha, let's not be hasty here. I'm sure we can share, right?" Maybe they can be negotiated with like the others?
"Bokyea!!!" A low chittering noise rose from the trees. A war cry, I realized.
"Okay, maybe not. Run!"
And then, as if some unseen signal had been given, the squirrels moved.
They swarmed down the trunks like furry lightning bolts, claws scrabbling against bark, teeth bared like they were ready to murder me six different ways.
"NOPE!" I squeaked, spinning on my heel and sprinting back into the forest like my life depended on it.
Spoiler alert: it did.
Branches whipped at my face as I ran, feet pounding the dirt. I could hear them behind me—skittering, chittering, and very, very angry.
"What kind of demonic forest squirrels are these?!" I shouted to no one in particular.
One of them launched itself at me from the trees, and I barely ducked in time. It missed by a hair's breadth and hit the ground rolling, immediately bouncing back up and hissing at me like some unholy mix between a cat and a lawnmower.
"Oh, COME ON!"
I ran harder, leaping over roots and dodging between trees, my tiny legs pumping as fast as they could go. By the time I finally managed to lose them—gods know how long later—I collapsed against a tree trunk, wheezing for breath.
I glanced around cautiously. No squirrels. Just silence.
"Okay," I gasped, "so… those fruits are off-limits for now."
I wiped sweat off my forehead and groaned. My grand food discovery had turned into a near-death experience with an army of rodents. Because of course it did.
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Hour Three: Regrouping and Denial.
After my squirrel-induced trauma, I decided to take the scenic route away from the fruit grove. I didn't want to risk running into any of their furry assassins again—not without backup.
I paused to drink from a small stream, splashing water on my face to cool off.
"Okay," I muttered to myself, "new plan: I'll come back for those fruits later—with the goons. If anyone's getting pelted by squirrels next time, it's Scarface."
I could already picture him squaring up with a horde of oversized rodents, roaring in frustration as they swarmed him. Honestly, the mental image was pretty satisfying (`∇´)
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By the time I started making my way back toward camp, the sun was beginning to dip lower in the sky. My legs were sore, my pride was bruised, and I still hadn't found anything to preserve our food.
But hey, at least there weren't any major threats near camp. I considered that a small victory.
As I approached the clearing, I saw Scarface standing at the edge, looking expectantly in my direction.
"You alive?" he called out, squinting.
"Barely," I muttered, trudging over. "But I did find food. Problem is, it's guarded by…" I paused, struggling to find the right words. "…angry squirrels."
Scarface blinked. "Squirrels?"
"Big squirrels," I clarified, holding my hands wide for emphasis. "Lots of them."
He stared at me for a moment, and then—of course—he laughed.
"Don't laugh!" I snapped. "Those things nearly ended me!"
Scarface just grinned, clearly amused at my expense.
"Fine, fine," I grumbled, already plotting how to drag him there next time. "You won't be laughing when it's your turn to deal with them."
For now, though, I just wanted food and a nap. Squirrels of doom could wait for another day.