"Are you sure about this?" Jacque asks me as he pulls his car up to the driveway of my mother's mansion. It's dark out already and I never realized how massive this place really is after being gone for a while. I've never enjoyed anything she likes. I always fussed over having too much. Unlike my brothers, I never wanted gadgets and games. I just wanted my father back. I stare at Jacque for a while, admiring his slick and long black hair, and deep blue eyes. He begins to look worried, so I sigh, and reach for his hands.
"What can she possibly do to me?" I ask, "She knows that you know now, and I'm sure she understands that I'm never coming back." This doesn't seem to help him relax, so I lean in to kiss him. His lips are cold, and unresponsive, and this irritates me.
"I'll call you if you're not back in twenty minutes," Jacque says, immediately after I pull away. I pout my lips, hoping to get a rise out of him, which usually works, but he seems so concerned for my safety. I can't blame him. My mother has done a lot to me, all for the sake of her own security. I wonder if she even cares about me at all. I'm doubting if this is even a good idea now, and my feet feel like they're trembling; too afraid to move now. Cold feet. I reach into my purse for the house keys which jingle in my hands like small bells. I sigh deeply before I reach for the door handle and feel his gentle hands reach for mine. He places kisses on my hand, which makes my heart race.
"Please be careful and come back to me," he softly pleads. I smile, feeling my heart pounding hard against my chest.
"Kiss," I say, "I want a real one, then maybe I'll come back." His expression almost makes me burst into laughter; he is wide eyed at first, then smug, and he looks a little mad. Finally, he gives a weak smile, and kisses me like he normally does; not cold like moments before. I open the door and lightly wave to him after I unlock the gate. After I get inside, I see almost all the lights are off, except my mother's room. As I make my way down the hall towards the sliver of light coming from my mother's room, I can hear her voice and it sounds angry.
"Oh boy," I softly say to myself. I can already tell this is going to be difficult. As I get closer, I can hear my mother having a conversation with some man. I don't recognize his voice. I really don't know who it is, so I stop in my tracks and listen. Is she having an affair?
"You said sixty grand, I can take care of it for sixty, not forty now and twenty later, now," the man argues with my mother. Before I jump to any conclusions, I lightly tiptoe my way to listen closer; doing my best not to make noise.
"We agreed on half now and half after the job is done," my mother promptly replies. I can't figure out what it is they are talking about, but I slowly start to reach a conclusion: this man must be part of an illegal syndicate.
"That was before I knew who I was doing business with, Mrs. Blanche," the man smugly replies.
"Very well," my mother agrees without hesitation, "but this needs to be handled delicately, my daughter can't know about this, it must look like an accident."
I feel my heart drop, and my knees fall to the floor. I almost can't believe it, even though I'm actually hearing it. I always knew she was wretched in this way. I always knew!
And yet, I defended her at times when I shouldn't have. I still cared about her even though she didn't deserve it. How can she even think about doing something so terrible? How? Am I going to be this terrible someday, too? Because she's, my blood?
I feel the warm tears falling across my cheeks, like a waterfall, and it won't stop. I love him. I love him so much. I haven't loved anyone this much in my life. I picture him as I close my eyes, ready to turn around and walk away from her forever. I remember his expression when we first met in the courtyard. How distinguished and handsome he looked. How he made me blush for the first time in my life. His beautiful lips, eyes, hands. The face he makes when I tease him in public makes him squirm. I think about our first kiss. Our first date. Our first night together.
Jacque...
I grit my teeth and turn back towards her room with more anger than I have ever felt. I pull out my cell phone and start recording.
"Okay, okay, that's the deal then, we get rid of this Jack for you, and no harm comes to your daughter, I'll need an upfront of that payment," the man says it so calmly.
"Will a check do?" my mother asks. I can feel my brows heavy from the weight of frowning. My own mother...
"Actually, unmarked bills are preferable," the man responds.
"Very well, I'll have it all ready by tomorrow at noon," my mother says, and I can hear her shuffling to put her checkbook away.
Perfect.
I stop recording once I hear the man getting ready to leave. I barge in, noticeably slamming the door open. As I stare into my mothers' shocked eyes, I can see the man preparing to leave from my peripheral and raise my hand towards him to stop.
"N-Natalie?" my mother says, more nervous than I've ever heard her say my name.
"Stop, I don't want you to speak," I say as steadily as I can, even though my nerves are telling me to start crying.
"H-how," my mother starts to speak, "How much did you hear?"
I press the play button on my phone, and it plays everything that was just said moments ago. The man's eyes are wide, but he doesn't seem afraid. My mother is doing her best to keep her stance, but she is rattled and uncertain of what to to.
"I came back to-," I look down, now realizing it doesn't matter anymore. I can't have her in my life anymore. "You!" I shout towards the man, "If I ever see your face near me or my husband, I will give this to the FBI." The man looks over at my mother and waits for her to say anything.
"I guess the deals off, your daughter knows now," the man replies, and walks past me and lightly whispers in my ear: "Sorry kiddo, your ma's a psycho." He leaves us in complete silence. I've never seen my mother like this. Vulnerable and afraid, like she has done to me for so many years.
"I'm sorry-," my mother starts to say, but I shout.
"STOP!"
She looks almost remorseful, but I don't know for sure if she's trying to manipulate me.
"You would get my husband killed? Why? You have money now, you have everything!" I grab the keys from my coat pocket and throw them at her. She simply looks down. Eyes wide and afraid. "Just let me be happy! Can't you see how much we love each other?"
"Natalie, he's only a photographer," my mother slowly starts to say, "What can he give you that Grant can't-"
"Don't mention that bastards name right now! I don't care what Jacque does, he could be a cashier at a grocery store, and I would still love him, what does it matter? He gives me love, which is all I ever needed!"
"Okay, lower your voice, the boys are sleeping," my mother reprimands me like she's the one not in hot water.
"Shut up! I don't care!" I shout even louder, "You're not allowed to tell me what to do ever again, you hypocrite!"
"I-I'm sorry, dear, please let's talk about this-"
"No!" I lightly shake my head and reach into my purse and pull out a jewelry box made of seashells. My father gave her one very similar to when they first got married. She cherished it, but like many things in our lives, it was repossessed after my father died.
"I wanted to make peace with you, but you'll never change," I toss the box on the floor and make my way out the door.
"Natalie! Wait!" my mother shouts, with a good cry waiting to come out. "You have to believe me, I was doing this to make a better life for you, to make up for the times I failed you as a mother," she is now starting to cry, even though my back is turned, I can hear her crying. "I should have never made you sleep with those men, I didn't want to sacrifice you, I offered myself instead, but they're sick, and we needed security."
I take a long and deep breath, realizing that money was always an issue in her world. If she can't have a brand name bag, clothes, or shoes, it's not worth having. She wasn't always like this, or maybe I just didn't see it as a child.
"Money, you mean money," I say, "You only ever cared about having money." I finally turn to her as I say this and see her mascara running down her face. She looks pathetic. "If you had taken a job as an actuary or an accountant, like you studied in college, we would have been fine. We never needed luxuries, we needed a roof, food on the table and a bed to sleep in, that's it." My mother is now on the floor, shaking her head as if she is in pain.
"You're a terrible mother," I feel the words as they come out of my mouth. I never thought I'd say it to her. "I'm leaving with Jacque, you'll never see me again, and I'll never be a model. I don't want you to look for me, stay out of my life."
I leave her on the floor, crying in her hands. I finally let out all the tears forming behind my eyes, weeping as I walk back to Jacque. I get into the car, and Jacque is frantic; asking me what happened, if I'm okay, and if everything is fine. I look at him as lovingly as I can, even though my heart is broken. I kiss him more passionately than I ever have before. I don't know what's come over me, but I urge him to take us home immediately. He insists on trying to find out what went on, but I'm afraid to tell him, and I don't even know how to form the words.
Once we get home, I begin ravishing him, before we can get inside, and he does his squirming thing.
"Natalie, please tell me what's going on?" he asks after softly pushing me back. I look at him as if looking at him for the first time. I came so close to losing him, and if I hadn't been there to eavesdrop, what would have transpired?
"I love you, Jacque," I finally say, "I just realized how much I really love you." He looks almost relieved and relaxes his worried expression.
"I love you, too, Natalie," he says sweetly. "I'll never let anyone hurt you." I reach in to kiss him, and he unlocks the door. I shove him onto the couch, and he looks terrified. I start to feel bad, but I don't know what's come over me; I'm so emotional and it's making me incredibly aroused. As I sit on top of him and begin unbuttoning his jeans, I feel his hand lift my face towards him.
"Where are you right now?" he asks, with so much concern, I finally cave.
"I'm sorry," I start to say before I burst into tears, "I'll tell you. I'll you everything."