It's late and I can't sleep after seeing that my mother's husband was killed by a mentally ill man on the news. I don't care about him, nor have I ever cared for that bastard. But this is the second time my mother has lost a husband. When I saw her on TV, she looked terribly distraught and stressed. I haven't thought much about her since that night I caught her plotting to kill my husband. I toss and turn in bed, accidentally bumping Jacque. I hear him moan, and stroke his head, trying to help him go back to sleep. I don't want to make him worry. I vaguely remember our discussion after watching the news.
"Natalie?" Jacque calls my name after I turn the TV on, and I gently get off him, "What's wrong?"
As I change the channel to the local news, I see it with my own eyes. Wally knows almost every aspect of my life, including my past, so when he heard the news, he called me immediately. Even though he's my boss, he's become such a good friend. I almost can't believe it, and so many things run through my mind. Why was he killed? How will this affect my mother and my brothers?
"Breaking news, just in, Senator Henry Blanche of California was assassinated by an unknown assailant. We are getting the news as it is being developed, we're getting footage now from the attack, we do warn viewers these images may be distressing for some." A spotty video of Henry walking out of a large white building with his bodyguards, which could be city hall, is recorded on a low-quality cell phone. I hear two shots, the camera shakes a bit, and then focuses to show Henry on the ground.
"Oh my God," I hear Jacque say behind me. I don't know what to think or feel. All I know is that I can't move, and I stand there in complete awe of this situation. I come out of my trance after I feel Jacque wrap his arms around me.
"I'm sorry, I'm not upset, I just can't believe it," I tell him, only realizing that it's true. I'm not sad or upset at all. Just horribly shocked. I didn't think politicians would get assassinated anymore.
He was a horrible man. Not that he deserved to be killed in cold blood, but I always knew he was an awful person. From day one, he pretended I didn't exist because I'm not his child or wasn't his child. God, I'm bad at this past tense stuff. I see my mother on TV, full of tears and choking through her speech. I begin to feel sad for her, even if she didn't love him like I knew she loved my father once, I know she cared for him. My brothers are crying behind her, and they look so sad. Apparently, a mentally ill man believed that Henry was some reptilian creature who was part of some conspiracy to enslave people, and he wrote an entire manifesto hours before the assassination. I don't believe he's mentally ill because someone who plans something, and successfully achieves it, obviously knows what they're doing. Then again, I don't know enough to have an opinion.
I shut off the TV and take a deep breath before turning towards Jacque who is patiently waiting for me to say something. I can't seem to get my mind straight, but I know he's talking to me. I walk back to the couch, move the red wig aside, and sit back down. He knows what I'm about to say, and I can feel his doubt. Staring down at the floor, I watch his feet inch closer to me, until he kneels to face me; his beautiful blue eyes.
"Natalie? Did you hear what I said?" Jacque asks, my senses coming back to me.
"No, I'm sorry," I'm clenching the remote to my chest like a baby, unable to shake off this feeling. He sighs and places his hands on my legs.
"I know what's probably going through your mind right now, and I will never stop you from doing what you feel you need to do, but," Jacque pauses for a bit to ease the grip I have on the remote, and holds my hand, "I don't want you to see her." Jacque's concern for me makes me feel like a child at times, and it kind of gets on my nerves, but I know he's only looking out for his and my wellbeing. The night we came home after the incident with my mother, we made plans immediately to move. Jacque is great at staying calm and composed, but even after something like a crazy rich woman plotting his murder, made him lose his cool.
"I know," I finally say, placing his hand over my cheek, "But she's my mother, I can't just ignore this, she's probably falling apart right now, shouldn't families come together during times of crisis?" Jacque looks away towards the window, serious in thought, and silent. "Jacque, I know she's done some really terrible things, and I can't justify feeling this way except that," I stop when I see a tear fall down his cheek. I reach out to hold him tightly. He holds me back even tighter, rubbing his nose against my neck. I feel his wet tears on my skin, and I begin to cry. He moves his face closer to mine and kisses my cheek.
"I just have a bad feeling, I'm sorry, I don't mean to-" Jacque says but is interrupted by his phone ringing. He looks over the caller and hesitates to answer. "It's my mom, I need to answer, hold that thought," Jacque gets up and answers his phone. I raise my hand back up to my chest, gripping it tightly.
What should I do? I'm not as angry with her as I was a year and a half ago, but...
"Yes, Mom, we just saw it on the news.... I don't know, we're still discussing it.... Yes, I'll tell her," Jacque's voice sounds so distant, because I'm troubled with these thoughts. So, I decided, right here and right now. I know he won't like it, but I'm just going to visit her and my brothers. Nothing more.
I'll just visit her.