Jasper had made peace with the fact that he would never lead a normal life. But as he watched Sir Hoofenstein prance around with what could only be described as a dragon's undivided attention, he couldn't help but wonder how many more poor decisions he could fit into one single day.
The dragon—still obsessed with his goat—had started following Hoofenstein around the cage like a lovestruck puppy, its massive wings twitching in excitement. For a moment, Jasper wondered if this was all just a bad dream. But then, the dragon's enormous tail knocked over a stone pillar with a deafening crash.
"Well, there goes the royal budget," Jasper muttered, watching the rocks scatter across the ground. "Maybe we should wrap this up before the king sends me a bill for that, too."
Prunella, who had been leaning against the cage watching the chaos unfold with a satisfied smirk, stepped forward. "You're doing great! The dragon's distracted, now just go and..." she trailed off as Jasper began inching toward the door, backing away slowly.
"Go and what?" he asked. "Pat its head? Hold its tail like I'm its personal masseuse? This isn't working, Prunella. The goat's the one in charge here."
She sighed but didn't argue. "Fine, fine. You're the 'tamer' after all. Just... try to get it to sit or something."
Jasper took a deep breath. He wasn't sure why he always agreed to these things, but at this point, it was probably because he was too tired to argue. "Alright, dragon. Time for some 'asserting dominance.'" He stepped toward the dragon, now sitting cross-legged and happily munching on a large chunk of hay, as if Hoofenstein had been crowned its king.
The dragon blinked at him, clearly unbothered. "Oh, sure," Jasper muttered, "now you're friendly."
Tentatively, he reached out and patted the dragon's scaled head. It was soft... like rubbing an oven mitt after it's been out of the dryer.
The dragon let out a rumbling purr, and Jasper froze. "Okay, no sudden movements, no sudden movements," he muttered to himself, taking one careful step backward. "This isn't supposed to be relaxing."
To his surprise, the dragon didn't try to eat him. Instead, it yawned—loudly—its breath washing over Jasper in a hot, smelly gust of flame.
"Well, that's pleasant," he grumbled, trying to wave away the smoke that now surrounded him. The dragon blinked lazily, then slowly stood up, stretching its massive body. Jasper barely had time to move before the creature let out a colossal sneeze, sending a burst of fire into the air.
"Not again!" Jasper yelped, ducking behind Hoofenstein. The dragon, undeterred, sneezed again, a small fireball igniting the ground beside them.
"Watch it!" Jasper shouted. "Do you not see the goat? You're gonna set him on fire!"
But Hoofenstein—blissfully unaware of the danger—continued to munch away as if the world wasn't on fire around him.
"I don't know how this is happening," Jasper said, his voice shaky. "But if I die today, I swear on all the cheese in the kingdom, I'm haunting you for the rest of your life."
Prunella, still standing by the cage, simply waved her hand. "It's fine. It's fine. You've got this under control."
Jasper gave her a look that could melt stone. "Under control? I'm dodging dragon fire while my goat becomes the centerpiece of this disaster."
As if on cue, Hoofenstein bleated triumphantly, flipping the dragon's tail with a well-placed headbutt. The dragon stopped mid-roar, its wings twitching in confusion.
"Okay, this is... actually working," Jasper said, blinking. "This goat... is a genius."
Prunella crossed her arms and looked impressed. "Well, you are a beast tamer. Maybe you're better at this than you think."
Jasper stared at her. "I'm not taming this dragon. I'm surviving it, thanks to the goat's intelligence."
"Same difference."
Jasper groaned. "I'm starting to think you're just using me as entertainment."
"Oh, I definitely am." Prunella smirked, enjoying his discomfort a little too much.
"Well, glad to know that at least one of us is having a good time," Jasper muttered, then turned his attention back to the dragon, who was now staring intently at Hoofenstein, as though trying to figure out its next move.
It took a few more moments of awkward staring before the dragon finally did something Jasper didn't expect—it lowered its head to the ground, letting out a low, almost purring noise as it nudged the goat's side. Hoofenstein, oblivious to the significance of this, simply stepped aside and continued his hay-eating rampage.
"Well, that's... new," Jasper said, raising an eyebrow. "Do you think it likes him?"
Prunella looked at the dragon and nodded. "I think it does. Maybe the goat's the key to taming it."
"I can't believe I'm saying this," Jasper groaned. "But maybe Hoofenstein's the one who should get the title of 'Beast Tamer.'"
Prunella let out a chuckle. "Hey, you've been doing great, too. Who knew you'd bond with a dragon so quickly?"
Jasper gave her an incredulous look. "Bond? It's not bonding, it's a mild inconvenience that I've somehow managed to avoid dying from."
The dragon let out another soft growl of approval and nudged Hoofenstein again, this time with more force, knocking the goat back a few steps.
"Oh, no. No, no, no, you're not starting this," Jasper said, pulling Hoofenstein out of the way just as the dragon stretched its neck down, trying to nuzzle the goat.
And then, just as Jasper feared, the inevitable happened.
The dragon snorted, steam coming out of its nostrils. It opened its mouth—way too wide—and before Jasper could react, it blasted a jet of fire directly at Hoofenstein.
"Hoofie!" Jasper screamed, leaping to intercept.
But then—nothing.
The fire hit the goat, but instead of catching him on fire, it simply puffed around him, as if he were coated in some kind of flame-resistant... magic. Hoofenstein stood there, utterly unharmed, looking around in confusion.
Jasper gawked. "Did you just—? Did the goat just—?"
Prunella laughed outright. "I think your goat might be immune to fire."
Jasper looked at Hoofenstein, who bleated and shook himself off, unfazed. "This... this isn't happening. I'm either dead, dreaming, or just... stuck in some insane version of reality."
"It's not that bad," Prunella said, grinning. "You've got yourself a fireproof goat. Who else can say that?"
"I've got no idea why I'm even still here," Jasper muttered. "But I swear if this gets any worse, I'm taking a vacation. Alone."
And that, unfortunately, would not be the last of Jasper's wild ride through the royal menagerie.