I don't know why Kate Winslet Sastrowardoyo push me for not join the scholarship and stay in being lecture or teacher, she don't agree if I learning in formal-school, it might be because of her experience in Ada Apa Dengan Cinta? Because she defeated by Nicholas Saputra in the poems competition. And it reminds me with my child memories that's there are gender-war that was told by Erich Fromm in Cinta, Seksualitas, dan Matriarki, it began to being a necrophilia, to being a death-lover.
After I say to my friend, "Bung, kamu tampak merasakan banyak kepahitan dalam hidup."
And then he said to me, that's he is okay.
I remember that's L Lawliet said to Near, "No matter how you gifted, you alone cannot change the world." And after this moments, L Lawliet said in heart, that's he want to live a little bit long more time, L Lawliet walk to sunset, leaving Near with the smiling face with the robots toy in his arms.
It might be my real name of my father is Kal-El, and of course I have a sister named Elvira, whose giving me a epic novel titled The Hieke Story, and of course I want to being a journalist and not author anymore, Normal: Sebuah Dokumenter it's enough, I know that's because only of my father's non-formal student say to me the black-campaign just because only want to married and need much of money, and because I'm alone in this life and live with my brotherhood, I know I'm not so need money, I need money just for sharing cigarette and talk enjoy with coffee, because I need revolutions and one of my friend say to me that's in Turkey there are revolution in many coffee-shop, but it's enough for me to being just Right Now and no more another name.
I remember when I avenging my bleed when I childhood to my father, but my mother said when I child if I want to avenge, avenge right now. But when my father anger and told his anger to my mother, I don't know I just smack himself like Margio in Lelaki Harimau, and I know my brother Fadly Reza just only doesn't know much about Margio and just say that he is circus trainer, that's the fact he doesn't understand about Lelaki Harimau story, because I can be look Fadly Reza as Anwar Sadat because Fadly Reza it's similar with ex-US President, because Anwar Sadat it's one of president's name too in one of country. I know Fadly Reza, he is movie character that's long ago named Christopher Reeve, the one that's denying me to be a movie character Superman, but I know I just don't want to be fly in literary, I flying in my dreams by my desert form and this is the explain of Kiat Sukses Hancur Lebur by Martin Suryajaya. And my anger to Christopher Reeve is the poison in the coffee and told that I am the Flying Ducthman a couple weeks ago, not I am in the fact.
Circus trainer? It's just only for animal who doesn't know human language.