Collette Archer
So good news first, because my mom and Aunt Lizzie came over, I could run away from James, as much as I wanted and not talk about anything, especially our kiss. I don't see a reason why I should tell him what actually happened that night, in the party. And I really shouldn't have to tell him the truth to earn his trust, he's known me my whole life, so how does he not know me at all?
So, I've been avoiding him, for the past two days, but the bad news is, I can't anymore, Mom is leaving today. Which means it's going to be Thalia, James and I in the house alone, again. And I can't keep using Thalia as a shield. I haven't even told her anything. I kind of feel bad about that, because she's my best friend and I tell her everything, but this involves her brother, and I really don't know how she'll react so I've been keeping everything to myself and it's killing me.
I know James wants to talk about all of this, he's been trying to find a way to talk to me alone, but because of our moms, he couldn't, thank God! But not anymore, there is no one stopping him now. Maybe I should just go to Santa Barbara with my mother. I really don't know why I want to avoid this conversation so much, maybe I just don't see any point to it, he's gonna ask me to tell the truth, I won't, he will hate me again, my heart will break again, and I really don't want any of that to happen.
And really what was he thinking when he kissed me like that? You shouldn't do that to people you hate. Is he trying that weird soap opera revenge strategy when the guy makes the girl fall in love with him just so that he can break her heart. Cuz if he is, it's working. Even though I have been avoiding him for the past two days he's all I think about, I can't sleep at night because he's not next to me holding me in his arms and whenever I see him, I hate that I can't just run to him and hug him. I can't even seem to hate him after knowing why he hates me, why does my life have to be so complicated? I really did not sign up for this much drama, this is worse than a kdrama, what if it's a tragedy? I'm definitely gonna be, the one who has the tragic end.
"Wake up sweetie!" my mom swings my door open, " Oh you're up already? Why didn't you come down?"
"I'll be there in five minutes mother" I reply.
Why didn't I come down already? Because if I go down too early I'll have to see James, but if I go down late, he would have left for work. Maybe I'm overdoing the avoiding him thing. I really thought I confronted my problems, but apparently I just run away from them. Wow I'm a coward.
I succeed in avoiding him but instead of being able to spend my day with Thalia and our moms I'm forced to go to university because I have an important assignment today. My mind is still on James though, You're probably wondering why I'm not just telling him the truth, well there's a lot of reasons. First off, trust doesn't require proof and if it does then he won't ever really trust me, if there's any other misunderstanding in the future he'll need proof again and what if I don't have proof, that time, he'll go back to hating me? And I'm supposed to deal with that? Always being cautious when I do something because I'm scared he'll misunderstand it and hate me again? How am I supposed live like that?
And even if I look over all of this and tell him what actually happened, there's only two things that it could result in: him not believing me, which will make me feel terrible and if he does believe me, he's gonna end up feeling terrible, because he's hated me for six years and I didn't do anything wrong.
So really nothing good is gonna happen after having this conversation and that's why I have been running away from it, if it makes me a coward, I'll be a coward! at least I won't be heartbroken, oh but I will!
I come back home pretty late, around 7 and hug my mom and Aunt Lizzie and say my goodbyes, then I lie that I feel sick and stay at home while Thalia and James go to drop our moms to the airport. The lesser I see James, the better. This way he won't disturb me even after getting back home, cuz I'm "sick" and all, or at least that's what I hoped for.
The moment I hear the door opening, I jump into my bed and pretend to be asleep, I hear Thalia come in, she opens my door, "she's asleep, let's not wake her" she whispers to James, then she closes my door and I hear them walk back. I lie in bed for a while more, and pretending to sleep, actually makes me fall asleep.
After I don't know how long, I wake up at the sound of my door open, I can't even open my eyes fully, but I see James closing the door behind him quietly and then I shut my eyes, before he gets to know I'm awake. He sits next to me and tucks me in my blanket which I had kicked away in my sleep, then he slides my hair away from my face and places his palm on my forehead to check my temperature like I checked his. Then he keeps the back of his palm on my chest right below my neck which is NOT how I used to check his temperature, you're supposed to check it from the neck! I really hold back my urges of moving when he touches me and stiffen my body.
"I know you're trying to run away from me, but I won't let you" he says as if he knows I'm awake and listening to him, then he kisses my cheek and I was so close to opening my eyes but I control myself. He then kisses my other cheek and whispers, "I'm sorry for everything" then he gets up from beside me and leaves my room.
What's 'I'm sorry for everything' supposed to mean? That he doesn't hate me anymore? That he doesn't want to hear the truth? Did Thalia tell him the truth? Is that why he's sorry? I don't get a wink of sleep the rest of the night and wake up late the next morning, partly cuz of lack of sleep and partly to avoid James.
When I come back from university that evening, Thalia tells me the best news ever, James had to leave for some meeting and he won't be back until Saturday! Which gives me two whole days of freedom!
Thalia and I decide to host a party on Friday cuz well we were bored, so we made all the preparations, got food and stuff and invited all our friends. Thursday went by, in university and making preparations for Friday so I didn't think about James at all, and his absence did not affect me, but on Friday, even though our house was full of people, I felt so lonely. I wanted James to be there and to pull me into a dance and fix all my missteps by lifting me. I missed him. So much. I decided that no matter how hard it'll be, I'm gonna stop avoiding him and actually talk to him when he comes. I know it might lead to my heart getting broken but it might also, maybe, little bit, lead to something, anything, and right now, I'll take the chances.
On Saturday, Will and Thalia force me to go out with them for lunch even though I just wanted to stay home and talk to James, but they were acting really suspicious so I decided to go for the lunch. Thalia and Will had reached the restaurant earlier, they spent the morning together too and I was late. But when I stepped into the restaurant, I saw him, and my legs stopped working. I was so happy, I didn't expect to see him here, but he came back, after what felt like a month, James was there, talking and laughing with Lia and Will. I ran towards them, and took my seat next to James, I really wanted to wrap my hands around him and hug him, but Lia and Will were there too so I controlled it all and said, "Hi".
"Hey" he replied, and then turned towards Will and Lia again as if ignoring me. How dare he? He's been trying to talk to me for so long and now when I finally talk to him, he ignores me? Unbelievable. What else would I expect from James Pierce though. Jerk. I'm so unbelievably pissed and am about to yell at James but Lia interrupts, "Okay since you both are here now, we have something to say to you" she says.
"Ok I changed my mind, you do it" she says to Will, "No way he'll kill me, you do it" Will replies. "Fine" Thalia sighs, "umm so, me and Will, uhh... Will and I, well we... kind of..."
"Are dating?" I complete, Thalia and will freeze and look at each other.
"Don't be stupid" James says to me, "there probably working on some design thing"
"Seriously? How dumb are you, it's so obvious" I say to James with all my frustration from 2 seconds ago when he ignored me.
"You're the dumb one, you keep-" James says but Thalia cuts him off.
"Stop it, you two.....she's right, we are dating" she confirms.
I mean I knew it, it was so obvious. But James was fuming, his best friend was dating his sister, I guess that's kinda hard, especially when he didn't have the slightest of clues."You're kidding" James says.
"No brother, I'm not" Thalia replies.
"I can't believe you would, Will, u were my best friend, how could you-" James says.
"Were? What is that supposed to mean?" Will asks.
"It means what it means, your nothing more than my sister's boyfriend now", James says and gets up, Thalia tries to stop him from leaving the table, but he just leaves. Such a drama queen.
"I'll talk to him" Thalia says and get up, but I stop her.
"Give him some time, he'll be okay, I'll talk to him, you're just gonna make him feel worse right now" I say and run behind James.
"Wait up!" I yell to James"What do you want?" He says, "Are you gonna try to be their advocate, cuz if you are then don't bother, I don't want to listen to this"
"Nope, no advocating, they are totally wrong" I say.
He turns back, surprised, "Wow, you really think so?"
"Mm hmm,They betrayed you"
"EXACTLY" he says, "I'm not over reacting right?"
"No of course not, you're Thalia's brother and Will is your best friend, or was your best friend, they totally stabbed you in the back. How could they possibly date each other? And not think of how it would affect you? Will is the most terrible best friend and Thalia is the worst sister ever" I say without a hint of sarcasm.
"Don't say that, she a great sister and Will is a really good best friend, they just, I don't know, they probably just liked each other I guess...., I mean they would have definitely... thought about me, but if they still... got together..., maybe they just really like each other" he says starting to understand Lia and Will.
"Maybe they do..." I say, "so are going come back with me and give them both a hug or ...walk away?"
"Huh.. You said that on purpose, didn't you?" He asks realising what I did.
"I don't know what you're talking about " I smile and turn back towards the table, and he follows me quietly.
Thalia sees us come towards the table and hugs James, "If it really bothers you so much, we'll end it" she says to James. "No, I'm fine... no I'm... more than fine, I love you both..., just make sure you don't break either of your hearts cuz I refuse to take sides if that happens."
"Deal" Will says, "now am I still just your sister's boyfriend?"
"Uh huh..., at least until the end of the day" James says and we all go back to our dinner and continue the night with chit chat and laughter.
After dinner ends, we walk back home, Thalia drops Will to the bus stand while James and I wait for her."Thank you" he says, "for calming me down, it didn't even take long"
"Well I guess I'm just that good"
"Ya, you're perfect" he says, "I'm sorry Collette"
"For what?"
"You're right, I shouldn't need proof to trust you, and I don't... I trust you" he says.
"Why- why are you- saying this now?" I ask, not convinced with what he said.
"Because, I haven't been able to stop thinking of you, and every time I do, I just become more sure of the fact that you are a great person. So, I'm sorry, for everything, every time I made you cry, every time I yelled at you and every time I said 'I hate you', I'm sorry." He says and is about to continue on but Thalia comes up behind us after dropping Will.
"Brother, can we talk?" She says.
"I'm kinda in the middle of something" he says pointing to me.
"What? You two are bickering again? Forget that for a minute and please just listen to me"
"Fine talk" he says.
Thalia and James talk it out while I follow them quietly, they end up talking about everything even after we reach home, and well I let them be alone, I don't want to disturb this 'quality' brother sister bonding time. I go up to my room and work on my assignments. And then after a while, my door opens and I think at first that it's Thalia but then James comes in and closes the door behind him.
"Well, do you, forgive me?" he asks abruptly.
"NO" I say.
"No? But I apologised" he says.
"So? You've been hating me for so long and then you just apologise, and it's all chill? I don't think so mister. Even if you trust me, I don't trust you, so I wont forgive you" I say.
"Fine, don't forgive me, I'll earn your trust and then you can forgive me." He says and I'm about to counter but he cuts me off.
"What are doing?" He asks changing the topic.
"I have an assignment, but it's kind of complicated" I answer.
"Want some help?" He asks.
"What do you think you're doing?" I ask.
"Well, first step to earning trust, is being friends and friends help each other out in times of need, right? so let me help you" he says.
"Fine" I say.
He comes and sits right beside me so that we both can see my laptop, then he reads everything I've typed so far and makes some changes. I just stare at him while he's doing all that, he's so invested in it and is sitting so close to me that I really just want him to hold me, touch me and kiss me like that night. Having him this close to me just makes me want more. Why hasn't he touched me yet? We are alone in my bed and his hands are on my laptop, when they should be on my waist. His lips are mouthing the words that he is typing and can only imagine them on my lips. He begins to notice that I'm totally just staring at him and not paying attention to the changes he's making to my assignment, he looks at me looking at him and I immediately look at the screen of the laptop and he laughs.
"What?" I look up and ask innocently.
"Nothing" he says, "When is this due?"
"Tomorrow night" I say. He closes the laptop, and keeps it on my table "then I'll do it later" he says and goes to the lower end of the bed and pulls my legs, I squeal and fall back on the bed. Then he switches off the lights and I'm really scared that he's just going to wish me good night and leave but then he comes back to the bed, and climbs in. He lies down next to me and wraps his hands around my waist, with my back facing his front. Then he buries his neck between my shoulder and neck and takes a deep breath in, inhaling me. "I know I haven't earned your trust yet... but I haven't slept for the past two days because my bed feels so cold without you in it" he says and clasps me closer, "And I really need sleep, so can I use you one more time?" He asks.
I want to reply that he can use anytime, and that I'm his, but I restrict myself and I nod and tighten his arms around my waist.
When I wake up in the morning, I'm facing him and he's already awake and staring at me. "Morning" he says.
"What are you doing?" I ask.
"Looking at you" he answers.
I laugh, "and for how long have you been doing that?" I ask.
"Since I woke up" he says.
"which was..?"
"Around 30 minutes ago" he says.
"You've been staring at me for 30 minutes?" I ask, blushing.
"Mm hmm, I can't seem to take my eyes off of you" he says.
"Wow, You're completely different when you don't hate me" i say.
"Well that's not completely true, I have always watched you sleep when we have shared a bed, its just that this time I didn't hide it" he says.
"You used to watch me sleep even when you hated me?" I ask.
"Mm hmm, cuz you're just so darn beautiful, I couldn't help it" he answers.
"What if you start hating me again?" I ask, looking down.
"I really don't think I can, Do you even know how hard it is to hate you?" He says and tucks my hair behind my ear, "you really don't have to take my word for it now though, I'm totally gonna earn your trust by tonight".
"By tonight? In just one day?" I scoff.
"Mm hmm" he says coolly.
"That's so not happening, do you think I'm really that easy?" I ask.
"Kind of" he answers.
"Unbelievable, I'm not that-"I say while pushing him away from me, but then he pulls me close and kisses me, cutting me off. I really can't resist his lips and just kiss him back, after we stop, I complete my sentence, "easy", and then he kisses me again.
He pulls back from our kiss and says, "you are a little easy", I disagree, "mm mm" and say that while hiding my face between his shoulder and neck because it is completely red.
"But I like that you're easy, It's adorable, and I promise I'll never take advantage of it again" he says while combing my hair.
I was just about to kiss him again but then I hear a knock on my door, "Letty are you awake?" Lia says and I push James away.
"Oh my god, hide!" I say to James.
"Yup" he says and goes into the bathroom.
I open the door, "Lia! Morning sweetie! I'm so hungry, What are we eating for breakfast?" I blurt out.
"Uh, hi, Why are you being weird? Anyway, I'm hungry too, come let's make pancakes!" She says and drags me to the kitchen.