Collette Archer
Okay, I kind of feel bad about the whole thing with James, cuz he planned this whole surprise for me, but I still think everything is going too fast. It's not supposed to go this fast, because if it's fast, I'll get attached fast, that is if I'm not attached already and then if anything bad happens, my heart is gonna explode.
We still haven't talked it out though, i have been avoiding him since our conversation last night and i left home early for class today and when i came back around 4, James was still at work, and then I've just been in my room packing. I really don't want to talk it out, Because if we talk it out and make up, then things will start going fast again and well I'll be scared of something going wrong again. I know I shouldn't be this paranoid but I can't help it, i know James is being genuine this time, and it's real this time but my heart has just always broken every other time. Strangely, he hasn't tried confronting me about the fight even once, probably cuz he feels terrible. I didn't mean to bring up the past, but i ended blurting out everything.
Thalia calls me down for dinner but i ask her to get me my food up, "if you guys had told me earlier, i could have packed by now, but im not even half way done" i say
"Fine I'll pretend to be actually convinced by your excuse" she replies.
Gods, she can see right through me, i know can't avoid James tomorrow, but i can postpone our conversation for now at least.
It honestly did not take me that long to pack, i love packing and my suitcase looks absolutely beautiful, you will not find a suitcase, more organised than mine. After eating while watching my new favourite show Psych, i decided to get some sleep cuz we have an early morning flight tomorrow , I can't wait to get home! Im so excited !
This is honestly a great surprise, i was so sad before and now im double happy. Can't wait to tackle my parents. I'll just keep my mind occupied with their thoughts from now, can't let James get into my head.
I lie in bed, trying to get some sleep, but i just cannot seem to shut off my brain, thoughts keep hovering about in my head and i just want to throw them all out but I can't seem to get my mind off of James and how mean i was to him. He's been nothing but a sweetheart this whole month, and then i go and bring up stupid old memories that i thought i was over, but apparently not. Ugh he looked like a sad little puppy when i yelled at him, what does he know about me anyway? He hasn't even seen my face properly for the last six years and we did not spend that much quality time after i shifted here. I know a lot about him though, cuz thalia talks a lot about him. And I remember how he was when we were younger, he's pretty much the same person, not even a grown up version, the same 10 year old version, but i bet he doesn't remember anything about me when i was young, why would he? He didn't like me from the start. While i think about all of this, I gradually fall asleep, god knows how that happened though.
The next day morning, I leave my room, all packed up and James and Thalia are already waiting in the living room, James and I don't talk to each other, and he doesn't even make eye contact with me, I don't mind though, because I really don't want to make up. Will drops us off to the airport and we go through the procedures and get on to the flight. I have been thinking about James, and my parents and Christmas so much that I forgot about my aerophobia, which I remembered when we were about to step onto the plane and I tripped. I almost fell cuz of it but James got on before me and caught me. It was really cute, and I wanted to kiss him so badly but I had control my impulses.
I really wanted the window seat but Thalia took it, without a speck of consideration for her best friend who is dying of anxiety, so I had to sit in the middle, and she literally fell asleep, 3 minutes into the flight. I was really anxious so I closed my eyes and folded my palms into fists, but then I felt something and opened my eyes, James slid his hand into mine and interlocked our fingers. I turned to look at him, but he just looked away, trying to act cool. I loosen my grip around his fingers and take my hand out of his, he looks towards me but I don't meet his eyes, then I wrap my arm around his and lean my head on his shoulder, he relaxes his shoulders and doesn't say a word, and neither do I.
…
"They're here!" Aunt carol shouts out to my mom when she hears our cab pull in, "oh hi my future daughter in law!" She says and hugs me. "Future daughter in law?" I asked confused
Then my mom completely ignores me and hugs James, "my future son in law's here"
"I missed you too, aunt Rachel " James says not realising what my mom just called him.
"I'm so happy you two are together" aunt carol says, and i freeze. Who told them? James? No! He seems just as surprised as me that they know about us. "Haha, ha-what do you mean by that?" I ask trying to act calm.
"What else could together mean darling? You two are dating! Thalia told us! We know!" Aunt carol explains.
Thalia? Oh she is SO dead. I find her hiding behind my mom, she peeks out to meet my eyes and then realises that she is caught, she steps away from my mom looking very guilty, and giving me her best pout, but those puppy will not work today!
"Is this what, 'act cool' means to you guys" she says to my mom and aunt carol.
"I can't act cool, I've have been manifesting this since Collette was born" aunt carol says.
"Ya she has, the first thing she said to me when we found out it's a baby girl was 'wouldn't it be great if our children got married'" my mom imitates aunt carol.
"It would be great! We would legally be family!" Aunt carol exclaims
James laughs but I'm just getting more and more nervous. We just started dating and so many people are invested in this relationship already? What will happen to our family if we break up? They can't possibly start hating each other, my mom loves aunt carol, so how would they figure it out? It would be so awkward. How would James and I be together in any family gathering again? Wow I really should have thought about all this before I got into this relationship. I'm an idiot!
"Are we gonna keep standing outside?" I say, trying to say change the topic.
" yeah she's right I'm freezing" Thalia says, I'm still so mad at her, she is going to get it when we're alone.
Everybody goes inside the house, but I pull my mom back, "mom, help me keep my stuff inside the house and then we'll come back"
" sure sweetie come on" my mom says and we go to our place.
I enter my house, Drop my bag on the floor and hug my mom. " what's wrong sweetie?" my mom asks.
" I'm scared" reply.
" okay how about we sit down and you tell me what's on your mind?" My mom says
We sit on the couch and I tell her everything about James and how I feel like everything is going too fast and how I'm scared that if things don't work out, everyone is going to be hurt.
My mom laughs, I don't think she understands how serious this is, "mom! Why are you laughing? This is serious! I am actually concerned!" I say
" sweetheart, I'm sorry, but you're overthinking too much! And stop worrying about others, whatever happens between the two of you, it won't affect our families, I don't think about that, and whatever ever happened to my optimistic daughter? Why are you thinking about a break up when you barely started dating?"
" I don't know, I've never dated before, and the movies, the first boyfriend never lasts!"
" Seriously? In the movies? You've gotta be kidding me, sweetheart, you know your dad was my first boyfriend. And there is no rule that first his boyfriends never last. And there's really no rules when it comes to dating."
" but there are, I cut her off, there's stages, and we just skipped so many"
"Collette, There is no such thing as stages, love is different for different people, for some people it's fast and for some people it's really slow, but however it is, if it works, it works."
"But, how do I know if it is working? Maybe it wont"
" if You don't try, you won't know"
" So you think it's fine? That We practically live together?"
" well, as your mom, that kind of makes me want to beat James up, because you're too young to do anything more than kissing" I try not to laugh, "but as your friend, I don't think it's too fast, you have known each other your whole lives, and technically you're not living together, because Thalia is there too and you stay in different rooms".
"Mm I guess you're right, but I still don't think he knows anything about me"
" How could he not? he's known you, your entire life. He knows everything about you."
" no Mom, We haven't even talked properly for the past six years, and I have grown into a different, better person"
"Ehh you are still the same eight-year-old"
" you're just saying that because you're my mom"
" no, you really are the same"
"Mom!"
" the point is, don't overthink it, The only thing you need to think about, is whether you like him or not? Do you like him?"
"Mm hmm"
"How much?"
"Quite a lot"
She smiles, "then stop, using your head so much and do what your heart tells you too"
"That's so cheesy"
"Well, love is cheesy"
"Don't say love, we're still in the like stage"
"Oh my god again with your stages" she nods her head and I giggle.
We go back to the Pierce's , and gather in the living room. We decide to watch a movie but I don't see James. Thalia clings on to me, "letty, my love, you good?"
"Don't, unless you want to die" I reply
"I'm sorry" she fake cries, "please forgive me, I told them, a long time ago like when I found out"
"WHAT?"
"Uhh I mean, I had to tell someone!"
"That's your excuse?, Lia!"
"I know, I'm sorry, they would have found out sooner or later" she says
"Just don't talk to me"
"Fine I won't, but how long are you gonna not talk to James , you haven't even looked at him, since we landed." She says
"I know, where is he?"
"In his room, sulking, trying his best not to cry, you really broke his heart " she says in a sarcastic way.
"Shut up! Imma go find him"
"Mm hmm, go find your Romeo "
"Ew, Lia, that's so cringe, what is up with everyone today"
I get up from the sofa, and step away from the living room, "where are you going, the movie is about to start" my mom says
"Oh let her be, she's missing someone a little too much" aunt carol says
"Ohhh, right, go ahead, go ahead, we'll watch the movie without you" my mom adds
"Whoever certified you guys to become mothers, made a grave mistake " I say, it's true though, these two are less mothers and more like those annoying little girls who keep shipping any girl and boy who are within 3 meters of each other.
I walk into James' room, he's sitting on his desk, typing something on his MacBook, he turns to me when he hears the door open, and stops typing.
"Hey" I say
"Hey" he replies, I close the door behind me and lean on it.
"I'm sorry" I say looking down
"For what?" He asks
"For bringing all of that stuff i shouldn't have brought up, it's just that-, I just don't-"
"Trust me?" He fills in
"No! I trust you, it's just-"
"It's just what?" He asks
"I'm scared" I say and my eyes involuntarily tear up, he notices that and comes toward me. He lifts up my chin with his finger, brings his face close to mine and looks into my eyes. Then he grabs my waist and pulls me close and my hands land on his shoulders.
"Of what, coco?" He asks
"I'm scared, that- if something happens- you might not -, what if you don't?"
"What if I don't what?"
"What if you think I did something, I didn't again? And then you leave me" I say and tears roll down my face.
"What?" He says softly and pulls my head into his chest. "What are talking about?" He continues and rubs my back, "coco, so you're scared that I don't trust you? And not the other way around? Wow maybe I really don't know you, this whole time, I thought you didn't trust me."
He tightens his arms around me and kisses my neck while I sob into his chest. "Coco, I trust you, I don't make the same mistake twice and really I knew how good you were then too, I was just stupid enough to believe my eyes instead of my intuition, and it was my fault, only mine, I promise you it won't ever happen again. I probably would have realised my mistake much earlier if we'd spent more time together before, I'm so sorry it took me 6 years."
He pulls me back so that we are face to face, "coco, you have no idea how hard it was to hate you, ever since you moved, everything you did just made me fall in love with you, but I had to make you hate me so that I could hate you, and so I kept yelling at you and treating you badly but then, after a while you'd just become nice again and then I would have to be bad to you again, and it was so hard to do that, I hated myself more than I hated you, and I promise you I won't ever hurt you again, I trust you, a lot. You're the kindest, sweetest, most selfless person I've met, and I know this goes against your stages, but I Love you. You've made me fall madly in love with you, Collette Archer."
I can't help but smile, that was the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me, but I can't seem to form sentences now, I really want to say something to him but all I do is stare at him and smile. He said he's madly in love with me! Ahhh! I feel like I'm in a rom com. I thought maybe he would feel awkward cuz I'm so quiet but he just laughs and hugs me. I wrap my hands around his neck, rise on my toes, "I love you too" I whisper into his ear. He laughs, picks me up and twirls me. After he puts me down, and lets go of me, I try running to the door but he catches me and pulls me back, "where do you think you're going?"
I try too hide my face from him, because I'm pretty sure it's as red as a tomato right now, but he's too strong, he pulls me close to him, and makes me face him. "You're not leaving without giving me a kiss" he says and I didn't think it was possible for me to blush more, but I do. I lean closer, and try to reach his lips, and he lifts me up and kisses me. I don't think I've ever been this happy ever.