Daewon woke up to the screech sound of his alarm clock, a feeling of terror washed over him the moment he slowly opened his eyes.
The weight of yesterday's event still hung heavy in his chest, The teasing, the snickering, laughters and bullying. All mixed together, forming an unpleasent feeling for him. He lay in bed for another one or two minutes to clear his mind, he was staring at the ceiling, trying to push away and forget the negative thoughts.
His mom's soft voice interrupted him from his thoughts, she pulled him back to reality again. Haejin called Daewon fron downstairs.
"Daewon, breakfast is ready! Don't oversleep because you'll be late to school." She said, her tone was gentle as always
He then sighed, trying to get up by pushing himself. It felt like the whole world was against him today, well the world was already against him but today was worse somehow. With a tired yawn, he managed to make his way downstairs, he was already feeling the pressure of today's day ahead, even if he was still at home and not in school.
As soon as he entered the kitchen his mom was humming while she set the table, Daewon then sat down, the food was already on the table. A warm bowl of rice was placed in front of him. He then started eating.
"Are you sure you're alright sweetheart? You can talk to me Daewon." she said, her voice was full of concern but also had a drop of kindess. "Is everything okay? Are people making fun of you at school?"
Daewon then gave her a soft smile and lied without hesitation. "What makes you say that mom? Don't worry, no one is making fun of me at school. Everything is alright, I'm just tired because of the exams and quizes hahah."
Day after day, it was the same excuse he always used. He didn't want to worry his mother. His younger brother Jinwoo on the other hand, tried to cheer Daewon up by being fun and humorous. He tried to poke him with his leg under the table but Daewon was again too lost in his thoughts so he barely noticed.
"C'mon big bro cheer up! Don't be a mood killer." Jinwoo said, trying to tease him. And for a second Daewon let out a soft chuckle but he could still feel the knot he has felt earlier in his stomach.
After he finished his breakfast, Daewon got his bag and went to school. On the walk to school, Daewon tried to keep his head down only, trying to not make contact with anyone, trying to ignore the world around him. The streets seemed louder, louder than usual, more judgmental. Almost as if every person he walked past was either gossiping about him or just stayed quiet and carefully watched every move he makes, hoping he will mess up somehow and embarss himself even more.
By the time he arrived to school, his heart was racing like crazy. In class, Daewon tried to stay out of the spotlight, he tried to be even more quiet than usual. But that didn't work at all, he could feel all the eyes on him as if he was some kind of celebrity, the whispered words about him said right behind his back.
Poeple either said "He's the easy target." or even "He is the weakest from the school, everyone knows it." They were not wrong, even if they quietly talked about him, he could still hear them. He couldn't escape from it, not even in class. At that point he just wanted to be invisible or even forgotten.
Lunchtime was no better. Daewon sat alone in the corner of the cafeteria, poking his food without any hunger, he couldn't even eat with everyone in the same place as him. Even if he was minding his business, Joon's laughter and his friends' snickering were too loud. Daewon tried his best to be unnoticed, but Joon and his friends have reached his table already in short time.
"Look at this loser," Joon said "Look at him, he's eating by himself, How sad and pathetic!" He almost bursted out in laugh.
Before Daewon could even react, Joon shoved his tray off the table, the food scattered everywhere. The cafeteria went silent for a moment, all the eyes were on them. Daewon didn't look up, he still kept his head down because he knew that everyone will laugh if he will make contact with them. He didn't have the strength to fight back, not even to defend himself anymore. He was simply staring at the mess on the floor, too embarrassed to even make a sound
"Guess you're not even worth a full meal, huh Losermon?" Joon laughed, his friends then joined in as well.
Daewon started clenching his fists under the table, but he said nothing. He has already learned that fighting back will do no good, he will just make things worse. He had no idea what to do. He just wanted it to stop already and that everyone would forget everything.
But then, when Daewon thought things will get worse, a calm voice interrupts the tension.
"That's enough, Joon"
Daewon looked up to see who confronted Joon, surprisingly it was Seojun, a classmate Daewon barely knew. Seojun is also quiet, just like Daewon. But he also has confidence and courage. Something Daewon didn't have. His eyes were fixed on Joon, and his tone was soft but also stable.
Joon hesitated for a moment, but he managed to step back. He was just staring at Seojun determined. His friends were also dead silent because that was the first time someone confronted Joon, the tension was slowly building up in the cafeteria.
"What's your problem Seojun? You finally decided to talk now?" Joon asked, trying to sound big and tough, but deep inside there was an edge of uncertainity and discomfort. It's not that he was scared, that was just the first time he argued with someone his age.
Seojun was standing still, he wasn't shaking nor flinching. "You're being an asshole now, Just let it go." His words were simple but the way he expressed himself was cold, the way he said it made Joon pause for a moment. His usual cheery and happy tone was completely gone, it was replaced by something more real. Like frustration.
Joon started staring at Seojun for a few seconds, then let out an irritated scoff. "Whatever makes you happy loser," He muttered, turning away. "This isn't over losermon."
Daewon sat down, his body was completely frozen and his heart was pounding like crazy, but something inside him snapped. For the first time, someone actually stood up for him. And that someone was Seojun, and also for the first time Joon has backed off. That was just a small victory, but for Daewon this felt huge.
Seojun then looked at him and with a casual shrug he said, "Don't let those guys get to you, defend yourself no matter what, defend your pride." He then walked away, leaving Daewon alone with new answers to his questions. He then got lost in his thoughts.
As he sat there, he still couldn't stop thinking about what happened. Seojun had done something he never could. Confronting Joon without hesitation, of course it was easier said than done but he still couldn't believe that a classmate stood up for him.
Daewon wanted to be like that, to be courageous. He wanted to stand up for himself instead of waiting until someone will do it for him. He wanted to stop the bullies and not let them win. But he still wasn't sure where to begin. He may have found the martial art scrolls and books but he didn't know where to start.
His fear still held him back, and his doubts were still making his mind unclear.
For the rest of the school day, Daewon couldn't stop thinking about Seojun's words: "Don't let those guys get to you". Those words were simple, but they still rang in his ears until he got home.
Daewon was walking home, he felt more more lost than ever. He knew he couldn't just keep hiding forever. Something had to change. But he had no idea how.
The sun began to set as soon as Daewon got home. He then went to his room and sat there alone, staring at the window. His mind was unclear, a part of him wanted to believe that it's possible to change, that he could get stronger, but the fear of failure held him back constantly. Still, Seojun had given him a small glimpse of something. A possibility, maybe there was a way out of this endless cycle but Daewon didn't know of it. But even so, it would take more than just wanting it.
He then exhaled slowly, his reflection in the window was staring back at him. He promised himself that tomorrow would be different. Or at least, he would try.
His thoughts were interrupted by Jinwoo's laughter from the living room. Daewon then left his room and walked towards the noise. His younger brother was spread on the couch as always, his eyes were glued to the TV screen as he was playing one of his favorite video games.
"Hey Daewon, you wanna play?" Jinwoo asked without looking away from the screen
Daewon hesitated for a moment, he wasn't in the mood for games, but maybe spending time with his little brother would help him clear his mind.
"Sure." Daewon said, a small smile then appeared on his face as he jumped on the couch next to Jinwoo. "Make some space Jinwoo."
The game was quite boring for him, but after a few hours of playing, Daewon started to forget about everything. The teasing, the loneliness, and even the strange feeling he had growing inside him today. Finally, he started to be Daewon, the older brother Jinwoo needed, the older brother who had to try to keep up with Jinwoo's fast moving fingers on the controller.
After a few rounds, Daewon's mind drifted back to the thought of tomorrow. Would he really be able to stand up for himself and confront Joon? Would he really be able to not let himself be a target anymore? He didn't have an answer yet but he knew one thing for sure, he was tired of being the kid who never fought back. Tomorrow, he would at least try.
When the game finally ended, Daewon stood up and stretched his arms "I'm heading to bed, You good or are you going to sleep as well?"
"Yeah I'm fine Daewon, I'll go to sleep in a bit don't worry." Jinwoo replied, still absorbed in the game.
Daewon nodded, "Alright, good night little brother." he then made his way back to his room, as he got to his room, he closed the door behind him. But this time, the silence didn't bring him comfort like it usually did. Instead, it was disturbing and comfortless, Developing his thoughts, fears and doubts.
He sat on his bed, his legs were hanging over the side of the bed. He stared at the floor for a long time, lost in his own thoughts again. How was he supposed to change? How could someone who had always been scared of conflicts suddenly become someone who stood up for himself.
The question started consuming him, but the more he thought of it, the more he realized that he didn't really need all the answers to his questions. He didn't need to be perfect, he just needed to try that's all. Even if it was small, trying would be more than enough.
As Daewon lay down in bed, the darkmess in his room started pressing him. He then whispered to himself silently "I can do this."
He didn't know when for sure, or how. But for the first time he was willing to put a lot of effort into changing himself, he was willing to try. And that itself felt like a victory for him.
From tomorrow, he will start changing himself and be different.
Daewon then closed his eyes, feeling the weight on his chest begin to lift, even just a little. With that Daewon slowly fell asleep.