The smooth scratching of Daewon's pen against paper was the only sound in his silent room. He stared at the single word he has written previously on the page "Start", he wished that the word would give him the courage he lacked. The thought of standing up and face Joon felt impossible. It felt like trying to climb a mountain without knowing where to begin.
But then, Seojun's calm but solid confidence has crossed his mind, it sparked something weak but steady.
Daewon then leaned back in his chair, running his hand through his hair. His reflection glared back at him in the window, a familiar look of doubt appeared on his face. He let out a sigh. "What am I even doing right now?" he mumbled.
A part of him that had lived in fear and terror for so long told him that this was all a waste of time. Joon would always be stronger than Daewon no matter what, and nothing he did would change that fact, that's what the part of him thought.
But then, as Daewon was about to give up, another voice softly whispered to him. "You're tired of being afraid aren't you, Daewon? You have to start somewhere if you wanna change that. If you can't beat them, make them regret bullying you. Make them fear you Daewon."
Daewon's grip on the pen tightened, the word "Start" was glaring back at him, it felt more like a challenge than a change. His chest also felt tight, his heart was thudding so loud that he could hear every beat clearly. The voice speaking to him was quiet but insistent, it was familiar, almost too familiar...like a darker version of himself, crawling from the shadows. It felt like that version was trying to reach him.
"No." Daewon whispered to himself, shaking his head slowly. "I'm not like that, I would never cause anyone pain for my own benefit."
The voice then quietly started fading away like smoke, but it left a weight behind, a weight that Daewon couldn't get rid of that easily. Daewon then leaned back in his chair, exhaling deeply. Maybe this wasn't just about Joon. Maybe it was about fighting the part of himself that wanted to give up.
He took a deep breath and stood up from his desk, the word on the page was still echoing in his mind. "Start"
The next morning, Daewon's alarm was ringing. As he heard the alarm, Daewon woke up before the sun. His room was dark as he was quickly getting dressed. He then left his room and snuck past his family's rooms. Outside, the air was cold, and the dry leaves on the sidewalk crunched under his sneakers as he walked to the park.
He didn't have a plan at all, just a small hope that trying was better than doing nothing for the rest of his life.
Daewon started by stretching, but his body was completely stiff. Because he never really exercised, his body wasn't used to stretching or sports. He then dropped to the ground and tried to do a push-up. His arms were weak so they were shaking as he barely managed to do five before falling into the dirt.
"Great start." he mumbled, wiping the dirt off his face and chin.
Next, he tried to go easy and do light exercises. He tried sit-ups, the first few weren't too bad, but after he finished his tenth, his stomach started burning. Gasping for air, he fell onto his back, looking up at the sky. The cold managed to get him through his clothes, and frustration slowly began to build.
"Ugh, this is pointless." he said quietly, but he forced himself to get up and keep going until he couldn't be able walk.
By the next day, Daewon's muscles were so sore that getting out of bed felt like a challenge for him. He then sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his sneakers. His doubts were returning, but they were louder than ever.
"Why am I even doing this?" he thought. "I'll never be like Seojun, I'll never be able to fight back. So why am I doing this?"
The voice from last night popped into his head. He was glaring at the wall and shook his head. Was he imagining things? He'd been so focused on pushing his limits that he hadn't even realized he was hearing voices.
He then pressed his palms into his eyes, trying to block out the memories. Joon's mocking voice started to come back to him, but so did Seojun's.
Their words were stuck in his mind, the words stung, but they also pushed him to move forward. He then laced up his sneakers. "I'm tired of being scared." he whispered to himself. "I have to keep trying until I succeed"
Over the next days, Daewon's routine became a real struggle. He woke up early every morning, his body was sore due to his training. He slowly tried jogging short distances, but his legs felt heavy, he also had to continuously take a break and catch his breath.
He also watched videos on his phone and practiced planks and squats. He tried doing a handstand against a tree but fell sideways with a loud thud. A few kids from the park looked at him and laughed, and his face turned red due to embarrasment.
That day, Daewon barged home, his body was tired and bruised, his pride was hurt. As he entered his room, he collapsed on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Tears were about to fall, but he wiped them away in anger. "This is so stupid." he said. "I'll never be good enough."
Later that night, Daewon was in bed, scrolling through his phone until he saw a video of someone training. The person kept falling down, just like him. But that person always got back up. The caption of the video said: "It's okay to fail. Just don't quit."
The message hit him deep. He thought of Seojun again, calm and confident, always standing up to Joon. Even when it wasn't his fight.
Daewon then looked down at his hands. "If he thinks I can do it... maybe I can." he whispered to himself.
The next morning, Daewon went back to the park. He started jogging again, pushing himself to go a little farther than the day before. He worked on basic excercises, celebrating on small victories. Victories like doing an extra push-up, a longer plank, a handstand that lasted a little longer.
By the end of the week, he stood by the same tree where he had fallen before. His hands were pressed into the ground as he tried to go in a handstand position. His legs were shaking, but for a short moment, he held the position before falling onto the grass.
As Daewon lay there, looking up at the sky, he laughed. For the first time in a long while, he felt proud.
That night, Daewon went back to his room. He opened his notebook and stared at the word he'd written days ago: "Start"
His eyes moved to the pile of books and scrolls he'd found in the hidden safe. Slowly, he picked one up. The cover felt cool under his fingers as he opened it carefully. His attention landed on the first line of the first lesson.
He read it aloud, his voice steady. "Lesson one: The way of defense begins with the mind."
Daewon stared at the page for a moment, letting the weight of the words to get to his head. He then closed the book and smiled softly.
"The way of defense." he said,proud of himself.
For the first time in a long while, he felt something shift inside him. He had taken the first step forward, and that spark of hope was finally there.