Chapter 1: The Great Heist (A Very Meta Introduction)
The universe around me is practically non-existent. Just a rift in reality, a sliver of space where even the most powerful entities can't reach. You know, it's the perfect place for a guy like me to hide.
My name is Serpentine, and I'm not your average hero. In fact, I'm not even a hero. I'm an Ascended Demon, which means I used to be a demon, but now I'm, like, an angel... but with more swagger. Some people might call me an abomination, some might call me a saint, but hey, I just call myself "the guy who stole the Kickstarter Budget from the Primordials."
Oh yeah, you heard that right. The Primordials. The big, bad, cosmic entities that basically run the Wheel of Faith multiverse. And guess what? I took what they were going to use for silly ol' logistics purposes – their precious Kickstarter Budget – and hid it in a universe on the very edge of the Wheel of Faith. Which, if you're unfamiliar, is this whole massive multiverse thing that's currently hosting a tournament in every new universe they make to prove that even the weakest species can make it to the top. (Spoiler alert: I'm betting on the underdog. It's gonna be glorious.)
We stan Darwizzy around here.
You don't know who Darwizzy is? Well then, you're missing out! Join the Wheel of Faith Discord Server today, or go straight to the website to read the known canon. But in essence, the Darwizzy is a race so pathetically bad we made it into its own stat rank – the Darwizzy Rank, a moniker given to any stat of the lowest grade.
I still want an artefact named the Wizzy Jizzy but the Content Team won't let me have it. Very rude of them, I tell you.
In any case, back to the Kickstarter. It's all for a good cause. A great cause, actually. You see, I didn't just swipe their cosmic budget for no reason. Oh no, I have plans. Big plans. See, the Primordials were gonna use that money to handle boring logistics stuff. You know, the boring stuff that doesn't make people happy, doesn't build legacies, or let you really make a difference.
They were planning on using it for... I don't even know, but probably something stupid like logistics and paying staff and collaboration partners, which was boring, – or not as cool as what I'll do with it – but I – and this is important – I am going to use it to create an anime. Wheel of Faith: The Anime.
Can you imagine? The tournament, the races, the stats, the powers – it's going to be an absolute spectacle. But here's the catch: you're going to help me. You get to support the Kickstarter campaign and fund this glorious anime.
Don't believe me? Let me give you the rundown:
So, there I am, floating in this twisted little corner of reality, with the precious Kickstarter Budget clasped in my hands. The little glowing, oversized wallet pulses with energy, and the air around me hums with potential. This is no mere purse of funds. This is the key to everything. The future of Wheel of Faith. The key to an anime, comics, and – did I mention the video game? Yeah, that's coming too. And figurines. Don't forget the figurines.
Oh, and most importantly, Deer! Not exactly part of the Wheel of Faith brand, but he's a chill dude on the Wheel of Faith discord server. He spins a roulette wheel to decide a quest, and another wheel to decide what reward you get for completion it. Not exactly related to the Wheel of Faith canon, but darn do I love that guy.
Anyway, right now, though, there's just one tiny problem: the Primordials are going to be pissed when they find out what I've done.
You see, the Primordials, in all their infinite wisdom, decided they needed a budget for their cosmic logistics. They wanted to buy new worlds, tweak the tournament's parameters, and hire more big-shot architects to design propaganda that would make even the gods bow in awe. You know, the usual stuff that happens when you control all of existence. But me? I didn't want them to get their hands on that money. That's right, I'm a thief. Not in the traditional sense, but I'm definitely not here to make friends.
And now, I'm about to break the fourth wall. Yeah, you heard that right. We're doing this.
[Cue dramatic pause.]
Hey you! Yes, you. The one reading this. Listen up.
This is where you come in. You, my friend, are the key to making this all happen. Without you, there's no anime. Without you, there are no comics. No video games. No Kickstarter updates. Without you, I'll have to live off ramen for the next century. And I don't know about you, but I'm pretty sure I'm done with ramen. Unless it's the spicy kind. That's my jam.
But I digress. This is not about my craving for spicy food – it's about you helping me bring Wheel of Faith into the world. You can back the campaign right now, and trust me, it's going to be worth it. You'll get exclusive rewards. I'm referring to limited edition comics – and we're talking vintage edition here – access to the lore, figurines, and so much more. Trust me, once you get in on the ground floor, there's no going back. It's a once-in-a-lifetime chance. The future is in your hands. Don't let the Primordials have the last laugh.
Back to the story.
So there I am, floating in this rift, with a smug look plastered across my face. I know the Primordials can't reach me here (yet). I'm like a cosmic ghost, untouchable, elusive, like the best part of the story that no one saw coming. It's almost too easy. I could just sit here and gloat, but I've got places to be.
The Primordials? They're busy doing nothing. Sure, they've got all that power, but they can't do squat about my plan right now. All they can do is scream internally and watch the Kickstarter campaign unfold.
I raise the Kickstarter Budget to the heavens – or, at least, what's left of them – and grin.
"Let's make some magic happen," I murmur, flipping a coin. It's a little inside joke. The kind of thing that might seem completely random, but trust me, everything is carefully orchestrated.
Such as trying to hit the word goal of one thousand and five hundred words per chapter. Every single aspect was carefully calculated, orchestrated and executed with the epitome of precision.
In any case, I toss my cosmic coin for good luck, and then I do what any self-respecting rogue would do. I Dimensional Travel my way outta here, leaving nothing but a trail of snarky remarks and subtle chaos behind me. I dive straight into a new universe – one that teeters at the precipice of the Wheel of Faith and the French Verse (yeah, a little crossover action from seasons ago), yet under the jurisdiction of none, where I can't be tracked.
This place is the edge of reality, the end of time, and the precipice of space, a little sliver of the cosmos where practically anything can happen. Perfect, right?
But as I exit the rift, I can't help but feel a little thrill.
I'm not just escaping from the Primordials. I'm escaping into the unknown, where everything is in my hands. And if you're not already part of the campaign, well... what are you waiting for? Click that back button. Pre-order the comics. Buy the figurines. Watch as the anime slowly becomes a reality. All thanks to you.
You're not just supporting the Kickstarter. You're shaping the future of Wheel of Faith.
Now, that's power.
---
[Cut to Serpentine laughing maniacally, but only for a second. He winks at the reader.]
Oh, and in case you were wondering, if you don't back the campaign, I might... I dunno... tweak the next tournament's rules. Maybe mess with your favorite character. Maybe make their stats a little bit lower. You wouldn't want that, would you?
You know what to do.
Do it.
---
SERPENTINE CHARACTER SHEET:
NAME: Serpentine
SWAGGER: Unlimited
POWERS —
Chrono Grace: The ability to accelerate or decelerate time.
Curse Manipulation: The ability to conjure, enforce, and manipulate curses.
Dimensional Travel: The ability to travel between dimensions. That– that part should have been obvious.
RACE – Ascended Demon: A demon sub-race that gets both a Demonic Power and an Angelic Power from the start.
STATS —
4/10 Strength
7/10 Speed
5/10 Durability
10/10 IQ (I swear to god these stats are randomised)
6/10 Combat Mastery
10/10 Weapon Mastery
8/10 Power Mastery
WEAPON: Void Scythe
Enchantment One – Symbiotic: I assume this means the weapon fuses with your flesh. Cool as hell in my humble opinion
Enchantment Two – Absolution: I'm just going to assume this deals True Damage. And if it does, well, I'll be darned. This crap is broken.