I woke up to chaos.
Not the fun, I'm-having-an-adventure kind of chaos, but the oh-crap-I'm-being-hunted-and-fate-wants-my-soul kind of chaos. I had barely dodged Fate's last attack, but now I was deep in some weird alternate dimension, lying face down on a cracked, floating rock, staring up at a sky full of swirling galaxies. It was like a cosmic blender just whizzed by.
Great.
"Alright, Serpentine," I muttered to myself, standing up and dusting myself off. "You've been through worse. Just need to keep moving. Also, don't die."
I wasn't allowed to die. Not yet. My life insurance was a scam and did not cover "Acts of God." Total scam, I tell you.
I'd much rather spend that money on the Wheel of Faith Kickstarter Campaign in the link just below, at
https://thewheeloffaith.kckb.me/dbad82fc
Back to the chase, Istretched, feeling the energy shift around me. The rift I had fallen through must've been some kind of wildcard dimension – one that could shift and change depending on the user's needs. Or at least, that's what I told myself as I tried to shake off the painful reminder of Fate's cosmic-sized tantrum.
But then – before I could take a single step – the ground rumbled.
Not good, but I could survive it, like everything I have so far. Fun fact; I don't mean brag, but I haven't died since the day I was born. Crazy, right?
So yeah, I'll be fine. Definitely. Probably. Possibly. Maybe. Perhaps.
I turned my gaze just in time to see something big charging toward me from the horizon. Of course, it wasn't anything simple, like a mountain or a giant wave of doom. No, it was much, much worse.
"Avatars…" I groaned. "You guys again?"
That's right. The same Avatars of Time sent by the Primordials to hunt me down. I could see them now – tall, armored figures, shimmering with ethereal light. They had swords that looked like they could cut the very fabric of reality. And they weren't alone.
That makes me wonder; all of these are Avatars of Time in particular. What the hell is Eternity doing?
"Supporting the Kickstarter Campaign I hope..." Serpentine muttered, before shaking off his self-diagnosed ADHD.
Behind them, looming in the distance, was something far more intimidating: a massive floating fortress, its silhouette blotting out the stars. They were armed by countless Cosmic Warriors, lead by the few Avatars of Time in front.
"Okay, new plan," I muttered. "I run. Again."
I flicked my hand, activating my Dimensional Travel powers, and bam – I was off, hopping through the fabric of space, my body blurring as I tore through dimensions at top speed. It was like running through a kaleidoscope of colors and fractals, my mind buzzing as I searched for somewhere – anywhere – that wasn't filled with these overly dramatic Cosmic Warriors.
Which was a totally original race in Wheel of Faith, by the way. Definitely not a cheapskate mimicry of Saiyans that eventually diverged because people forgot the reference. Nope.
"Wait, wait, wait," I thought aloud, pausing in mid-jump as something caught my eye. "Can't forget the important stuff."
I whipped out my holoscreen, and within seconds, the Kickstarter page popped up in front of me.
"Hey, you didn't think I forgot, did you? You guys are gonna want to back this thing more than ever. So, go ahead, hit that button while I'm on the run from some incredibly overpowered goons. Just think of it as a little sympathy donation," I said with a smirk, tapping my fingers across the screen to show off the campaign's latest rewards: exclusive figures, limited edition lore, and the holy grail – the anime experience.
I wasn't even sure how many dimensions I had jumped through before I landed in the next one, but it was… let's say, dramatic. A vast, desolate wasteland, cracked earth stretching as far as the eye could see, and a sky that looked like it was perpetually on fire.
"Yeah, I definitely wasn't expecting this," I muttered.
Still, it was peaceful. For a second. Until the Cosmic Warriors and Avatars of Time turned up again.
One of them, the leader by the looks of it, lifted his sword and pointed it directly at me. "You cannot escape, Serpentine. The Primordials demand the return of what you've stolen. Surrender the cosmic budget."
"Ah, well, you see," I said with a casual wave. "I'd love to help, but I'm busy. You know, breaking the fourth wall, making a Kickstarter pitch. Standard stuff."
The Avatar didn't seem to find my humor funny. I mean, at all. With a snap of his fingers, a circle of energy appeared around me, trapping me in a force field of divine power.
I sighed, rubbing my temples. "Look, man, if you're here to kill me, just let me know. I'm about two seconds away from just fleeing again. It's getting real old being chased everywhere, you know? And speaking of old, don't forget, the campaign's got some really cool rewards lined up if you happen to back it. You'll get some of that sweet, sweet lore. And hey, if enough people get involved, I'll maybe make an animated series just for the backers. How's that sound?"
The Avatar raised an eyebrow – probably because he couldn't comprehend the whole meta concept.
Typical.
But just as he was about to speak, something in the distance caught my attention.
A portal. – no, wait. It was more like a rip in space, glowing with golden energy. And guess who was standing at the center of it?
Oh, crap.
"Fate," I growled under my breath. "I know some people are really into obsession tropes and yanderes, but like, I really don't swing that way, man.
He stepped out of the portal, his presence overwhelming. His silhouette was like an ancient god walking through time itself, exuding a sense of power that made my hair stand on end.
"Enough, Avatars," Fate said, his voice ringing like the toll of a bell, completely ignoring my earlier comment. "This... pursuit ends now."
The Cosmic Warriors and Avatars hesitated, confusion flashing in their eyes. Even they knew better than to mess with Fate. They dropped their weapons and stepped back, bowing respectfully.
I tried not to gloat. Key word: Try.
"Nice try, Fate," I said, standing tall as I dusted off my jacket. "But you're a little late to the party. These guys were already on my tail. You know, after I stole the budget–"
"You misunderstand," Fate cut me off, his voice heavy with authority. "I'm not here to stop you. I'm here to help you."
I blinked. "Excuse me?"
Fate's eyes narrowed, the light of the stars reflecting in them. "You are the one who has caused this mess. But there is a way for you to fix it. Help me stabilize the dimensions, and I will ensure that the Primordials will not come after you."
"Wait, wait, wait," I said, my mind racing. "You want me to help you? After all the chaos I've caused? Are we talking 'team-up' level help or 'manipulate-me-to-your-own-ends' help?"
"I am offering you a choice," Fate replied. "Help me, or face the consequences. The Architect's Will is already aware of your actions."
"Ugh, seriously? The Architect?" I groaned. "Come on, man. Can't a guy just have a little fun without all this cosmic drama?"
Fate didn't respond to my snark. Instead, he gestured toward the endless horizon of fire and ruin. "If you want to stop this madness, you will need to make the right choice. And you will need power."
"Power, huh?" I said, a little intrigued. "And what kind of power are we talking about here?"
"I will grant you an artefact. One among them all, not one of your choosing, but not one of mine either. What you receive, is what your fate shall decide," Fate said, raising a hand. In a flash, a sword of pure light appeared in the air before me. It gleamed with energy – sharp enough to slice through reality itself. And then a crimson feather that seemed to be perpetually on fire emerged too. The feather of a phoenix. And there were more. Several more, each with its own, unique effect.
Artefacts were cool as ever.
"Oh, now we're talking," I said, taking the sword in hand. "Now, we're getting somewhere."
Fate smirked. "But remember, Serpentine. No matter the choice you make, you will always be a pawn in this game."
"Yeah, yeah, Fate. I get it," I said, trying not to roll my eyes. "Let's just get this over with. I've got a Kickstarter to plug."
Fate raised an eyebrow. "I suppose you do."
With a final flick of his hand, a portal opened in front of me, ready to send me back into the fray. As I stepped through, I threw one last look at the Avatars and Fate.
"Alright, folks," I said with a wink. "Don't forget to back the Kickstarter, or else the universe might end before you even get a chance to see the game. And the anime. It's gonna be great. Trust me."
The portal closed behind me, and I found myself back in the game.