Allie had never been so nervous. Makayla had told her about the confrontation she and Natalie had in the driveway two weeks ago. She told her about how Dean had treated Natalie. It made Allie cry, knowing exactly what kind of person she was about to have a baby with. She knew she needed to do this; she had waited long enough. It had been 3 weeks since he had gotten back to Cleveland. She's carrying his baby. She still couldn't believe she was pregnant, that she could feel their baby kick inside her.
It would be best if you got yourself together and called him. I told you that you would have to talk to him one day.
"You said that because you knew."
If you just listened to your body, you would have figured it out when I did.
She took a deep breath.
"Okay, I'm ready." her voice was trembling.
Her stomach clenched. She pressed his name on her cell phone: Asshole Baby Daddy. It rang 4 times and went to voicemail. At least this time, it wasn't disconnected. She hung up without leaving a message.
"Oh well, no answer. Guess today is not the day."
Then call the office. Unless he's at a movie, he's bound to answer one of his phones.
"Maybe I should have Alvarez call him."
Do you not want him to show up? Is that what you are going for here? Do not under any circumstances have your current lover call your baby daddy.
"Fine, I'll call the office. And Alex is so much more than my current lover. He is the man I currently love."
She pressed the contact button for S.A. Asshole Baby Daddy. It started to ring.
She started to beg. "Please don't pick up," one ring. "Please don't pick up," two rings. "Please don't pick up," three rings.
She was just about to hang up when she heard his voice.
"S.A. Carron."
She said nothing. Her vocal cords were frozen. The sound of his voice made her chest flutter. She felt lightheaded from all of the serotonin that burst through her brain.
Allie, this is the part where you talk.
"Hello? S.A. Carron."
Please repeat after me. Hi Dean, it's Allie.
"Hi, Dean, it's Allie." Her voice was just shy of a whisper.
"Allie? Baby. Is that you?" he asked.
His voice sounded the same, yet different somehow. She missed that little country twang and the way he said her name. It had been months since she heard it come from his lips.
Did you hear that? He called me baby.
You need to focus.
No, I need to hang up. I can't do this, Ken.
Caretaker, you are the bravest bitch I know... knew...know. You can do this because this is an assignment, and Alexsandra Kingston always successfully completes her assignment.
"Wow. That was a very thought-out and surprisingly good motivational speech. How long have you been holding on to that?"
About two months now.
She smiled and took a deep breath."Yes, it's me."
"I can barely hear you," he said.
She raised her voice. "Yes, Dean, it's me."
Hearing her say his name gave him butterflies in his stomach. He honestly didn't think he would be hearing from her.
"Buttercup. It's so good to hear your voice. I've missed hearing it. How have you been? Is everything OK? Are you OK?" he asked. "I heard you've been home for a while. I heard you quit your job. You must have gotten my wire transfer."
"I did, and thank you. It's sitting in a high-yield savings account, whatever the heck that is. And no, that is not why I quit my job; I'm not keeping it. I need the information to send it back to you."
"No. Like I said, I promised to take care of you. If this is the only way I can, then I need to do it. Let's call it alimony. I assume you got my letter?" he asked.
"I did. A large part of me wishes I didn't, but I did," she said.
"Makayla told me you had story time. Everybody has gotten to read it. Did Alvarez read it?"
He was starting to get angry. The thought of how many people read his letter? That was a private thing between him and her.
Allie said nothing
"Jesus Allie! You let that cock sucker read it!"
His voice was filled with anger. She knew she had just met the person Makayla had told her about. The man who called his baby sister a whiny bitch.
"First of all, do not talk to me like that, ever, and that "cock sucker" was there with me when the letter came. Alex read it before I did. He told me that I did not want to read it. He tried to protect me from what I was about to find out. I am the one who insisted on hearing it. And when did you start using that kind of language in everyday sentences?"
"So, you can swear like a Marine, but I can't. I guess now you are fluent in sarcasm, smartass, and hypocrisy. I already have a mother. I don't need you policing my language," he said contemptuously. "And when did you start calling him Alex again?"
"I am a fucking Marine. We learn how to swear in boot camp. It's a thirteen-week exercise. And who cares what I call him? What did you call her?" she asked.
It was definitely before we started sleeping together, she thought.
I'm beginning to wonder if you called the correct number.
I'm beginning to hope I didn't.
"Did I happen to catch you at an inconvenient time? You seem annoyed... with life or me, specifically. Like I'm the one that wrote the letter," she said.
"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to come at you like that. I guess I'm just not myself lately, or so everybody tells me."
"Yeah, I've heard that a lot."
"Oh yeah, you talked to Natalie and Makayla. You just don't want to talk to me, huh?" he asked.
Hang up on this asshole, Caretaker. Now.
"I'm talking to you now, aren't I?" Dean snapped.
"What a flaming asshole. Asshole baby daddy."
"Yeah, I guess so. So, did you call to say I'm giving you your money back and make me feel like shit, or does this phone call actually have a valid purpose?"
"Wow. I would ask if I did something wrong, but I know I didn't do anything wrong. I don't know what I did to warrant you treating me this way. I guess you're over me," Allie croaked. "This man was so mean."
"I guess you're under Alvarez."
"That's not fair. In your letter, you said you thought about me and would lie in bed at night. You would go over all of the memories until you fell asleep. So, tell me, were you lying next to her while thinking about me? Were you thinking about me when you were fucking her? Because I don't think about you when I am making love to Alex. There is nothing in this world that would make me-"
"Damn, Allie, that stung. I don't want to talk about this. I need to focus on the present. I really would just like to block the entire experience out. I know now I should have just resigned and stayed here with you. I should have listened to you when you told me exactly how this would happen. You were right. You were right about so much of it."
"I guess I should have told you I would wait for you. Then again, I don't think it would have made a significant difference in your behavior, considering Natalie told me you decided to be faithful for as long as possible."
"I'm sorry I called Alvarez a cock sucker. I heard he has been a reliable source of support."
"Yeah, he has done a lot for me. But he will never be you."
"I could never have another princess buttercup. No one could replace you."
Even though I did call Allison Princess Buttercup when I fucked her six ways from Sunday. He was wracked with guilt. Man, I am the biggest piece of shit. Maybe I should have put that in the letter, too.
"I don't want to discuss our relationship status or lack thereof over the phone; this is not why I called."
He noticed that her voice sounded different. It was like her attitude had been altered. She seemed calmer and nicer.
"Allie, you sound different," he said.
"And I could say the same about you. I guess we've both changed."
"Makayla mentioned that Alvarez was picking up your medications. When I left, you were not on any medication. Are you OK? Are you sick? Are you guys like a thing now?" he asked.
"Am I sick? Every damn day."
"No, I'm serious."
"So am I. You wrote in your letter that you got lonely. Well, I got lonely too. I went to a very dark place. I wasn't able to cope on my own. So, I got help. I was put on an antidepressant," she said. "Like I said, I am sick every damn day. In one form or another."
"An antidepressant?" he said, sounding shocked.
"Yeah. You were lonely, and you put yourself on other women. I got lonely, and I got put on Zoloft."
"What about Alvarez? I'm surprised you didn't drink yourself into oblivion. Or handed out a bunch of one-night-only coupons. That normally would be your course of action." He said it to be cruel. And he knew it. Why am I being such a bitch to her?
Awe, come on, you pussy. Like you don't want to say all those things. She's fucking Alvarez. I call that retribution, and you know I don't take retribution; I give it.
No, Mikey, I will not let you out.
You know you miss me. We had so much fun. The fine pieces of ass we would get. The drugs, don't you miss the blow? Don't you miss the blowjobs at your beck and call? We got so much pussy. Don't you miss it? How about Mikey's corner? The threesomes, the foursomes. Remember when Frankie made Richie blow you right in front of everyone? Don't you miss that power?
She could feel the lump in her throat, and her eyes began to burn. She rubbed circles on her belly, and Peanut started to kick wildly. She could sense the pain and anguish pumping through Allie's blood.
"I'm hanging up Malibu. I can't do this. Peanut is kicking the crap out of me. She knows that I am upset."
You can if you want to, but unless you are not going to tell him about her, you should just finish the call and get this over with.
"Oh my God, Dean, who are you? As a matter of fact, I haven't had a drink in..."
Six months, fifteen days, and thirty-one minutes. Give or take.
Thank you, Malibu.
Hey, I'll always be here.
"Dear God, please, no."
"Six months, fifteen days, and thirty-one minutes. Give or take. And so what if I handed out a stack of coupons? How about you, lick any crusty whore's pussy lately? How about your cock. Dipping it anywhere? Wanna tell me about your adventures in Loose Angeles?" she asked him.
" Six months, fifteen days, and thirty-one minutes? That must be some kind of world record for you. As far as the other thing, that would be the day before I..."
"Oh my God, you are really going to tell me!" she exclaimed.
Peanut started kicking and rolling.
"What about you? Are you sucking off Alvarez on the daily?"
"My God, I'm not having this conversation with you right now; look, I need to talk to you."
"You want to talk; let's talk," he asked.
"In person, I need to talk to you in person. Are you available tomorrow?"
"You actually want to see me?"
"No, not really. Especially not after this conversation. But I must see you. Can I see you tomorrow? It's important," she said.
"This couldn't have come at a worse time. I am leaving for Atlanta in a couple of hours. I just stopped in because I forgot to grab some files."
"They seem to be sending you all over the place nowadays. You must really have crushed that UC. I guess you will have to work when you get back," she said.
He could hear the disappointment in her voice. "I'll be back in three days. I can see you as soon as I get back, right off the plane," he said.
"No, that's not necessary. We can wait for the day after you get home. I guess it's not really that important."
"Are you sure? I get in on a five-o'clock flight. I can come right over, or you can come to my place. I can take you to dinner," he said.
Dude, I think he needs to be the medication because this mother fucker is bipolar.
"No, we can meet the day after. A day isn't going to make a substantial difference. And I wouldn't break bread with you if you were Jesus and I was starving to death," she said.
"Wow, you are being a fucking bitch. Are you on the rag or something?"
Allie just sat there. She couldn't talk. The words were stuck in her throat. She was going to have a baby with this poor excuse for a man in less than three months. She wanted to cry so badly.
"Oh shit, Buttercup, I am so sorry."
"Don't call me that ever again. Meet me at noon in the lobby in four days."
"I'll see you then," he said. "Bye, Alexsandra."
"Yeah, whatever. I am just happy this conversation is over," she said.
He heard her voice quivering. She pressed the button and hung up the call.
He slammed the receiver back in the cradle. "God, I am so sorry for what I have done. I love you, Allie. I can't yet control who I am, whatever it is I am," he whispered.
"Who are you? You are not my Cowboy. You aren't even Dean! You are definitely my asshole baby daddy," she is doing her best, holding back tears.
What the hell was that? I can't believe some of the shit he said to you! He was a prick, then he was friendly, then indifferent, then indignant, then really fucking cruel! Are you going to tell Alex?
"I don't think that's a smart idea. I'm sure Dean was just stressed or something."
And did you run into a door?
"What does that mean?"
Women who get smacked around by their husbands always say they ran into a door. You, my friend, just got verbally and emotionally smacked around.
"I just didn't want to get into it. On a typical day I would have gone toe to toe, but I don't have the energy to.
You didn't do too bad. I would tell Alex.
"Alex would kill him, and by all means, Ken, you go right ahead."
Allie, you will be in a certain kind of mood for the next four days. It would be best if you told him. If you take any of the frustration you are feeling right now out on him, you are going to create issues with him.
"Alright, I will tell him later tonight."
Now.
"Later."
No, now when it is fresh in your mind. You have the worst case of baby brain I've ever seen.
"When have you been around a woman with baby brain?"
Do you have any clue how much educational TV I watch all day?
"Good point. Wait. Educational? I don't remember putting Discovery on."
Fine, I've seen every episode of ER.
"This is my life, still."
Allie called Alex.
"Hey, Cara Mia. How is my beautiful mommy doing today? How is my Peanut? I miss you two."
Allie started crying. Going from one extreme to the other was emotionally draining.
"Alexsandra? What is wrong? Are you okay? Did something happen to Peanut?"
"No Mi Vida. Peanut is okay. She's kicking like a Rockette."
"Okay. Then what is wrong with my love?"
"I just got off the phone with Dean."
"Oh. I gather by the way you sound, it didn't go well."
"Alex, it wasn't good. I can't believe how he spoke to me. It was cruel—just downright brutal. I thought I should tell you because I didn't want you to think my attitude going forward has anything to do with you or us."
"What did he say to you?"
"In a nutshell? He called me an alcoholic whore."
"I'm sorry? Did you just tell me he called you an alcoholic whore?"
"In a roundabout way. He was mean just to be mean. He called me a fucking bitch and a hypocrite. He called you a cock sucker again."
"I'm going to find him, and I am going to kill him."
"He's on his way to Atlanta. We are supposed to meet in a few days."
"I'm coming with you."
"Alex, I don't think that is a good idea."
"After what you just told me, do you really think I'll let you go by yourself?"
He's right, Caretaker. I think it's a good idea. He was really cruel to you. If anything, maybe he should be there just to make sure you don't kill him.
"Good point."
"Okay. You can come with me."
"Allie."
What baby?
I am so sorry this is happening to you. I honestly feel bad for Dean. He has no idea how bad he is fucking up his life right now.
Allie rubbed her belly.
"I know you still love him, but will you let him back into your life? I know you will have him in Peanut's life, but are you going to have him in yours?"
"If I do, it's because of Peanut. I mean, if she were yours, I would never have had the desire to speak to him again. But you're right. I do still love him. I don't love whoever I talked to on the phone, but I know he's still in there somewhere."
"I would give everything to be Peanut's daddy. I always ask God why he didn't choose me to be her daddy."
"Has he ever answered?"
"What do you think?"
"There is no God, but you keep trying to get him on the line."
"Really?"
"Alex, I wish she were yours at times, like right now. I'm afraid of what kind of a father he'll be if he remains the person he is. I love you so much."
"I love you too, Cara Mia. Do you want me to bring you home anything tonight?"
"My ice cream would be nice."
"Celery?"
"Yes."
"I still don't get how you can eat ice cream with a celery spoon."
"It's easy, I'll show you later. And do you think you can rub my back? It's hurting really bad today."
"I will rub anything you ask me to. And some things you may not ask me to."
"Will you make love to me tonight?"
"That you never have to ask me to do. I love you. I'll see you when my shift is done."
"We love you