It all started with a new face in the village. Her name was Sister Agnes, a nun whose resting face could terrify even the bravest warrior. She was the kind of person who could make you feel guilty just by looking at you, and rumor had it she could smell sin from ten feet away. Her sharp eyes were like lasers, and her disapproving scowl made her look like she'd just stepped out of an anti-fun advertisement.
Sister Agnes had been sent to the village to "observe and uphold moral integrity," which she took way too seriously. And for reasons I couldn't fathom, she immediately zeroed in on me as the prime suspect of… well, existing.
The first time she saw me, I was happily stacking blocks in what I liked to call "The Tower of Genius." She stood in the doorway, watching with her arms crossed and an expression that suggested she was ready to perform an exorcism.
"There's something… unnatural about that child," she muttered to Mom, who was folding laundry nearby.
Mom laughed it off, as usual. "Oh, Sister Agnes, he's just a baby. What could possibly be unnatural about him?"
"His eyes," Agnes hissed, narrowing her gaze. "They're too sharp. Too… knowing. Babies aren't supposed to look at you like that."
Hearing this, I decided to give her my biggest, toothless baby grin. It was the kind of smile that screamed innocence while hiding pure chaos underneath. If I had eyebrows, I'd have wiggled them.
She took a step back, muttering something about "dark forces."
Oh, lady, I thought. You haven't seen anything yet.
Later that afternoon, Mom was outside hanging laundry on the clothesline while chatting with Mira and her mom. I was in my playpen, pretending to play with a stuffed rabbit while my mind raced with possibilities.
The system chimed in, as if on cue.
[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW QUEST AVAILABLE!]
Objective: Steal an item of clothing.
Reward: +2 Mischief, +1 Agility.
My eyes locked onto the laundry line. More specifically, a pair of pink panties fluttering in the breeze like a forbidden treasure.
"Oh, this is too good," I thought, already plotting my heist.
With the precision of a tiny ninja, I wiggled out of the playpen and crawled toward my target. The panties were just within reach, dangling from the edge of the line. I pulled myself up using the laundry pole for support, wobbling slightly but fueled by determination.
One tug. The panties came free. Victory was mine.
I stuffed my prize into my onesie pocket (baby fashion is versatile) and crawled back to my playpen like nothing had happened. Mom and Mira were too engrossed in their conversation to notice. But Sister Agnes? She saw everything.
Her gasp could've powered a windmill.
"That… that child!" she sputtered, pointing a trembling finger at me. "He just stole a pair of panties!"
Mom turned around, her brows knitting in confusion. "What?"
Dad poked his head out of the house. "What's going on?"
Sister Agnes marched up, practically vibrating with righteous fury. "I saw him! He stood up, reached for the laundry, and—" She jabbed her finger toward me. "He's hiding them right now!"
Mom glanced at me, her confusion melting into amusement. "Andreas? Steal panties? Oh, Sister Agnes, you're too funny!"
Dad joined in, laughing. "The kid's barely walking. How's he supposed to steal anything?"
Agnes wasn't backing down. "I'm telling you, that child is unnatural! It's like… like a demon is controlling him!"
At this, I decided to have a little fun. Locking eyes with her, I smirked—a slow, deliberate smirk that said, Yeah, I did it. What are you gonna do about it?
Her face turned red, but before she could say anything, I upped the ante. I pulled the pink panties halfway out of my onesie pocket, gave them a quick sniff, and then stuffed them back in.
Agnes let out a horrified shriek.
Mom and Dad, meanwhile, were in stitches.
"Oh, Sister Agnes," Mom said, trying to stifle her laughter. "You've got quite the imagination."
"You've been working too hard," Dad added, wiping a tear from his eye. "Maybe take a little break?"
"I SAW HIM!" Agnes yelled, her voice reaching a pitch that could shatter glass. "He sniffed them!"
Mom patted her shoulder, her tone soothing. "Oh, don't be silly. He's just a baby. Babies do weird things sometimes."
Dad nodded. "Yeah, he probably thought they were a toy or something."
Agnes looked ready to explode, but Mom and Dad had already dismissed the matter. They walked off, still chuckling, while Agnes stood frozen in place, muttering about dark forces.
As for me, I leaned back in my playpen, casually waving the panties at her like a tiny victory flag. She glared, but there was nothing she could do.
The system chimed in, rewarding my efforts.
[SYSTEM ALERT: QUEST COMPLETE!]
Reward: +2 Mischief, +1 Agility.
Agnes stormed off, no doubt planning her next attempt to expose me. I, however, was basking in the glow of my triumph. The panties were hidden safely under my playmat, and my parents thought Agnes was crazy.
"Looks like the demon baby wins this round," I thought with a grin.
And judging by the look on Agnes's face, this wasn't the last I'd see of her. But that was fine by me. After all, what's life without a little drama?