The day started innocently enough. Mom was bustling around the kitchen, humming a tune while preparing breakfast, and Dad was outside fixing something in the garden. I, Andreas, was lounging in my playpen, plotting my next move like the tiny mastermind I was.
The system had been suspiciously quiet lately, leaving me with nothing but my own thoughts. And trust me, a baby with the mind of an 18-year-old and too much time to think can only lead to trouble. Like a wise man once said 'A person who thinks all the time has nothing to think about except thoughts.'
Mom leaned over the counter, stirring something in a pot. "Andreas," she cooed, turning to me with that annoyingly sweet mom voice, "can you say 'Mama' yet?"
I stared at her, weighing my options. Saying "Mama" would make her happy, sure, but where was the fun in that?
[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW QUEST AVAILABLE!]
Objective: Say your first word.
Reward: +1 Charisma, +1 Intelligence.
The system had spoken. A grin spread across my chubby face. My first word would not be something ordinary. No, it had to be something memorable, something that would cement my legacy as the greatest baby prankster in history.
I glanced around the room, searching for inspiration. That's when my eyes landed on Dad's open laundry basket near the door. Among the neatly folded clothes was a pair of his… let's call them "manly undergarments."
Perfect.
Mom walked over, kneeling beside my playpen. "Come on, Andreas. Say 'Mama.' It's easy. Ma-ma."
I opened my mouth, letting out a long, exaggerated babble. "Baaaaa… buuuu…"
Mom's eyes lit up. "That's it! You're so close!"
I paused for dramatic effect, then loudly and clearly declared, "BOXERS!"
Mom froze, her expression a mix of shock and confusion.
"Did he just say…?"
At that exact moment, Dad walked in, wiping his hands on a towel. "What's going on?"
Mom turned to him, her voice tinged with disbelief. "He just said his first word."
Dad grinned. "No way! That's awesome! What'd he say?"
Mom hesitated, clearly unsure how to answer. Finally, she sighed. "Boxers."
Dad blinked. "Boxers? Like… my boxers?"
I grinned at him, pointing toward the laundry basket for emphasis. "BOXERS!"
Dad stared at me, then at Mom, then back at me. "Well, uh… I guess he knows what they are now?"
Mom buried her face in her hands. "I can't believe this. His first word, and it's about underwear."
Dad chuckled, patting her shoulder. "Hey, at least it wasn't something worse."
The system chimed, clearly pleased with my performance.
[SYSTEM ALERT: QUEST COMPLETE!]
Reward: +1 Charisma, +1 Intelligence.
"Totally worth it," I thought, basking in the glory of my triumph.
But the fun wasn't over yet. My parents were still reeling from the shock, and I wasn't about to let this opportunity go to waste.
Dad crouched down to my level, his tone playful. "Alright, champ. Can you say 'Dada'? Daaa-daaa."
I tilted my head, pretending to think about it. Then, with a dramatic pause, I yelled, "PANTIES!"
Mom gasped, her eyes widening in horror.
"Where did he even learn that word?!" she exclaimed, looking at Dad like it was somehow his fault.
Dad held up his hands defensively. "Don't look at me! I don't go around saying 'panties'!"
They both turned to me, their faces a mix of amusement and disbelief. I responded by clapping my hands together and giggling innocently.
Mom shook her head, muttering under her breath. "We're going to have to teach him some proper words before this gets out of hand."
The chaos didn't end there. Word of my "vocabulary" quickly spread through the village, thanks to Mira overhearing the conversation and running off to tell her mom. By lunchtime, half the villagers were chuckling about the baby who knew how to say "boxers" and "panties."
Mira stopped by later that afternoon, peering into my playpen with a mischievous grin. "Say it again, Andreas," she whispered.
I smirked, leaning closer to the edge of the playpen. "PANTIES!"
Mira burst into laughter, nearly doubling over. "He's gonna be so much fun when he gets older!"
By the time evening rolled around, Mom and Dad had resigned themselves to the fact that their baby was… unique.
"I guess we should be happy he's talking at all," Mom said, setting the dinner table.
Dad nodded, taking a sip of water. "Yeah, but maybe we should steer him toward more appropriate words. Like, I don't know, 'apple' or 'toy.'"
Mom sighed. "At this rate, his next word will be something even more embarrassing."
They both glanced at me, sitting in my high chair with an innocent smile.
I winked at them.
[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW QUEST AVAILABLE!]
Objective: Expand your vocabulary with comedic timing.
Reward: +2 Charisma, +1 Mischief.**
"Oh, this is going to be fun," I thought, already planning my next move.
The day might have ended with dinner and a bedtime routine, but I knew the best was yet to come. My reign as the village's most mischievous baby was just beginning.