Sister Agnes had been on high alert ever since the panty incident. Her sharp gaze lingered on me every time she visited, like she was waiting for me to sprout horns and breathe fire. Honestly, it was exhausting being this entertaining.
Today, Mom had invited Sister Agnes over for tea, which was apparently her new way of "keeping the peace." I sat in my playpen in the garden, chewing on a wooden block for dramatic effect, while Sister Agnes perched on the edge of a chair like a hawk ready to pounce.
I could practically hear her inner monologue: Look at him. Sitting there. Plotting. Babies shouldn't look that smug.
Her judgmental energy was so thick, I felt compelled to play it up. Dropping the block with a loud clatter, I grabbed my trusty spoon and waved it at the sky.
"Ba-da goo-ga!" I exclaimed, shaking the spoon like it was Excalibur.
Agnes's eyes narrowed. "What is he doing now?"
Mom, pouring tea with all the grace of a hostess oblivious to the chaos unfolding nearby, didn't even look up. "Playing. Babies do that."
"No," Agnes hissed. "That's not playing. That's… something else."
The system, as always, decided to escalate things at the perfect moment.
[SYSTEM ALERT: NEW QUEST AVAILABLE!]
Objective: Spook Sister Agnes.Reward: +1 Mischief, +1 Charisma.
My grin widened. It was showtime.
Gripping the spoon with newfound determination, I stood up in my playpen, wobbling slightly for effect. Mom glanced over briefly, her expression soft with maternal pride. "Look, he's standing so well now!"
Agnes, on the other hand, looked like she'd just witnessed the rise of the Antichrist.
"He's… standing with purpose!" she stammered.
"Purpose?" Mom laughed. "He's a baby, Sister Agnes. Babies don't have purpose."
"Oh, you'd be surprised," I thought, raising the spoon high above my head. I added a dramatic bounce, my babbling crescendoing into what could only be described as "chaotic baby chanting."
"Goo-da ba-ga! Waa-da-doo!"
Agnes bolted upright, her tea cup rattling on its saucer. "He's summoning something! Look at him!"
Mom sighed, clearly trying not to laugh. "Summoning? Sister, he's just playing with his spoon."
"No, no, no! Look at his eyes! They're too focused!" Agnes insisted, pointing a trembling finger at me.
I locked eyes with her, giving her my best innocent baby smile before licking the spoon with slow, deliberate precision.
Agnes let out a horrified squeak. "Did you see that? He's mocking me! He's mocking holiness!"
Mom glanced at me, then at Agnes, her face a perfect picture of calm. "Sister, I think you need to relax. Andreas is just exploring the world in his own way."
Agnes turned to Dad, who had just wandered into the garden with his morning coffee. "Evan, you see it, don't you? The way he's holding that spoon? It's unnatural!"
Dad raised an eyebrow, taking a sip of his coffee. "What, this again? Sister, it's a spoon. Babies love spoons. They're shiny and make fun noises."
"But he's chanting!"
"Babbling," Mom corrected, her voice tinged with amusement. "He's learning to talk."
Agnes was seething, her frustration boiling over. "I'm telling you, this child is… is… unnatural!"
"Oh, come on," Dad said, chuckling. "You're acting like he's about to summon a goat demon or something."
Agnes gasped, clutching her rosary tighter. "That's exactly what I'm saying!"
Mom couldn't hold back her laughter any longer. "Oh, Sister Agnes, you have such an imagination. Andreas is a sweet, playful little boy. You're reading way too much into this."
Agnes glared at me, her face red with righteous fury. "This isn't over," she snapped, pointing her rosary at me like it was a weapon.
I responded by waving my spoon in a slow, deliberate arc, adding a babbled "Wa-da goo-da!" for good measure.
Mom shook her head as Agnes stormed off toward the village chapel, muttering prayers under her breath. Dad sat down at the table, setting his coffee down with a sigh.
"You think she's going to tell the whole village Andreas is a baby sorcerer?"
Mom chuckled. "Probably. But who's going to believe her?"
Dad shrugged. "Honestly, I wouldn't mind. If Andreas could summon a goat demon, maybe it'd help with the yard work."
Mom rolled her eyes, swatting at his arm playfully.
Meanwhile, I sat in my playpen, basking in the glow of my victory. The system chimed, confirming what I already knew.
[SYSTEM ALERT: QUEST COMPLETE!]
Reward: +1 Mischief, +1 Charisma.
Agnes might think she'd uncovered the truth, but she had no idea who—or what—she was dealing with. The demon baby strikes again.
"Ba-da wa-ga!" I babbled, waving my spoon like a king brandishing his scepter.
The garden fell silent for a moment, save for the sound of birds chirping in the trees. Mom turned to Dad with a knowing smile. "So, what do you think he'll do next?"