Being reborn isn't all it's cracked up to be—especially when you're doing it as a baby. And not just any baby, but one with the awkward consciousness of an eighteen-year-old.
[WOMAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
My eyes felt like they were peeling open for the first time—everything was a blur, and why did it sound like I was underwater?
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Hey, what's all the fuss about? Can a guy get a second to figure out if he's actually alive or just hallucinating?
Seriously? How can you just scoop me up like I weigh nothing?
Last I checked, I was a high school senior, not a sack of potatoes.
And stop looking at me like I'm some sort of zoo exhibit! I've got feelings, you know.
What in the world is that noise?
[WOMAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Okay, okay, I get it. You're happy or something. But there's no need to get all up in my grill with your giant... um, face.
Hey! Easy on the bouncing, lady! I might not understand your language, but I definitely understand gravity.
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Great, now he's getting into it too? What is this, national 'Celebrate the Baby' day or something?
Her... attributes are really.... out there.
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
What language is that anyway? And where the heck am I? This doesn't look like any hospital I've seen.
What's this guy doing now? I'm still trying to process the whole 'alive and a baby' thing.
But, gotta admit, she's kinda pretty. Scandinavian maybe?
Anyway, if they're going to be all over me like that...
Wait a sec.
It's clicking now. I've been reincarnated.
Who'd have guessed this could actually happen? Not in a million years would I have thought I'd end up in a situation this absurd.
[ECHOING FOOTSTEPS]
Evan and Amara, I presume? They look young, probably in their mid-twenties. I'm eighteen, so technically, they could be my cool older friends. If they weren't my new parents, that is.
It's super weird being the baby here, especially considering I was just stressing about finals and prom a hot minute ago.
Can't complain too much though. Having a pretty mom has its perks, even if the circumstances are a bit... unconventional.
Andreas? Is that what you're calling me? Looks like my name is Andreas now.
Yeah, she's definitely talking to me—or at me, more like. It's hard to tell when you can't even sit up on your own.
Adjusting to this new life is going to be a challenge, especially with whatever weird system the goddess set up for me. Did she say something about leveling up? Man, I was too freaked out to pay attention.
As I lay there, getting used to being carted around and cooed at, a sudden pressure reminded me of less pleasant bodily functions. Oh no, not now. I'm an eighteen-year-old dude; I shouldn't be dealing with... you know, diaper stuff.
But the pressure didn't care about my feelings or my dignity. And as much as I hated to admit it, there was no stopping nature. Even if nature meant pooping in a diaper at my mental age of eighteen.
With a sense of defeat, I let nature take its course. And just as I was coming to terms with the indignity of it all, something bizarre happened. A screen popped up in front of me—visible only to my eyes, apparently. It looked like something straight out of a video game, glowing letters and all.
[SYSTEM ALERT: LEVEL UP! You've gained +1 Strength!]
"Ogaaa"
I blinked. Twice. Was this for real? I just leveled up by... pooping?
Who'd have guessed that something so ridiculous could happen in real life? Well, guess this is my life now. But here I was, staring at a floating digital message confirming my new reality.
Bring it on, new world. If this is how things are going to be, I might as well strap in for the ride. Just maybe next time, let's skip the diaper drama, okay?