Life in my new world was slowly settling into a routine, or as much of a routine as you can have when you're an overpowered baby with clean freak parents. Every day was a mix of awkward diaper changes, random system pop-ups, and attempting to decipher the strange language my parents spoke. It was like living in an RPG where your stats depended on your bathroom habits, and let me tell you, no amount of grinding made that less weird.
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
[WOMAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Dad was at it again, folding baby clothes with the precision of a seamstress preparing for a royal inspection. Meanwhile, Mom was dusting the bookshelf, muttering something that I imagined translated to "I can still see particles of doom!"
She glanced my way and smiled. It was a warm, genuine smile, the kind that could make you forget you were currently lying in a crib with zero control over your life. Mom was undeniably gorgeous—flowing hair, radiant skin, and those… um… "personalities" that could make heads turn faster than a knight spotting a dragon.
But for some reason, when it came to her, my inner pervert was remarkably quiet. I wasn't sure why—maybe it was some kind of biological programming, or maybe my brain just knew better than to cross that line. Whatever the reason, my thoughts around her were more "appreciative son" than "creepy admirer," and I was perfectly fine with that.
Now, outside of Mom? That was a different story.
Take, for instance, the village baker. She visited once a week to drop off bread, and she was… well, let's just say she wasn't selling just carbs. Her outfit was tight in all the right places, and her smile could've melted butter from across the room.
The first time I saw her, I couldn't help but think, This village sure has its priorities straight—good bread and good views.
Unfortunately, as a baby, I couldn't do much more than stare, which, let's be honest, is creepy enough. But hey, I was in a baby's body! What else was I supposed to do? Strike up a conversation about yeast fermentation?
[WOMAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Mom's voice snapped me out of my thoughts as she gently patted my head. She was looking at me with that proud, motherly expression she wore whenever I wasn't actively causing trouble. It was kind of nice, even if it came with the constant threat of a cleaning spree.
[MAN SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
Dad joined her, holding up yet another perfectly folded onesie for her approval. She nodded, and they shared a look of mutual satisfaction, like they'd just saved the world from chaos and disorder.
It was sweet in a way, but also a little unnerving. These two were so perfectly in sync with their cleaning habits that it made me wonder what their first date must've been like. Did Dad impress her with his impeccable laundry skills? Did she swoon when he demonstrated his mop-wielding technique?
"Yup, they're definitely weird," I muttered to myself, earning a confused glance from Mom.
She tilted her head, as if trying to figure out what kind of baby noise I'd just made, before going back to her dusting. I wasn't worried—my language skills were still in the "goo goo" phase, so it's not like anyone would understand me even if I called them out on their quirks.
That evening, as the sun set over the village, the house was unusually quiet. Mom and Dad had gone outside to hang laundry, leaving me alone in my crib with nothing but my thoughts and the faint sound of birds chirping outside.
I was just starting to drift off when a system screen popped up out of nowhere, glowing faintly in the dim light.
[SYSTEM ALERT: Daily Quest: Charm Training Unlocked!]
[Objective: Successfully smile at five people to increase Charisma by +1.]
I blinked at the screen, my brain struggling to process the absurdity. Charm training? Seriously? Was the system trying to turn me into some kind of baby Casanova?
Still, a quest was a quest, and I wasn't about to turn down free stats. The problem was, my options were limited. Unless Mom and Dad counted as five people—which they didn't—my only shot at completing this was to start smiling at every villager I came across.
"Great. Guess I'm going full baby mode tomorrow."
The next morning, I put my plan into action. As soon as the baker arrived with her weekly delivery, I locked eyes with her and unleashed my most adorable smile. I even added a little giggle for extra effect.
She squealed with delight, clapping her hands like she'd just seen the cutest thing in the world.
[BAKER SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
I didn't need a translator to know she was complimenting me. The way her cheeks turned pink and her voice got all high-pitched said it all.
[SYSTEM ALERT: Smile Registered! 1/5 Completed.]
One down, four to go.
Next up was the blacksmith, a burly man with arms like tree trunks who came by to fix a broken tool. He looked more confused than charmed when I beamed at him, but hey, a smile's a smile.
[SYSTEM ALERT: Smile Registered! 2/5 Completed.]
By the end of the day, I'd managed to flash my toothless grin at the butcher, the carpenter, and even the village elder, who responded with a hearty laugh that sounded like rocks tumbling down a hill.
[SYSTEM ALERT: Quest Completed! Charisma +1!]
As the screen disappeared, I felt a strange warmth spread through me, like I'd just leveled up in a way that actually mattered. Charisma might not be as flashy as strength or agility, but it had potential. After all, who doesn't love a charming hero?
But as I lay in my crib that night, staring at the wooden beams above me, I couldn't help but laugh at how ridiculous my life had become. Smiling for stats, pooping for power—what kind of protagonist does that?
Still, it was hard to complain. Weird parents, charming villagers, and a system that seemed to have a sense of humor—this world was shaping up to be more entertaining than I'd ever expected. And who knows? Maybe tomorrow would bring an even crazier quest.
After all, in a world like this, anything was possible.