My name is Eric Borg, and I am a soldier, just like all my ancestors before me. I fight wherever and whoever I'm told to fight. I fight for my nation, for my government, for peace, freedom and democracy, and most of all I fight to protect the ones I love, to protect my people and those who are too weak to protect themselves. And I will win, and I will die if that is what is required of me to win. For I am a real American man.
This is what he always told himself, this is what he told Alan, and this is how he got him, his best friend on board his own insane ideological crusade to be something great. And now, thanks to his ignorance and blind fate in a cause he didn't even understand, Alan was dead. His best friend was gone and the war they both fought in was abandoned as if it never even mattered to begin with.
And what did they even have to show for it all? What had they accomplished there? Instead of creating a state of peace and freedom for all in Iraq, they had instead only made it all just worse for them. They had terrorised them, killed them and destroyed their land, for what? Well he didn't want to believe it at first, but corporate interests was what it seemed that it was all about. They did all those horrible things and he lost his best friend and so many others, simply for the few in power to gain even more money and power.
For he, or anyone else he knew most definitely didn't gain anything from it. And to add to the mindlessness of it all, those people they had supposedly gone over there to liberate from a dictator, now simply despised them. They absolutely hated them there, he had seen it time and time again in their eyes and he couldn't blame them for it. And now thanks to their actions, there was now even more violence, more religious extremists and who knows what else, insane groups and ideas there.
Because of all of this Iraq was a total mess. The US had totally lost control and instead Iran had come in their place. He had heard reports of Iran sending weapons there to different small proxy groups of theirs. Iran's power over the country was slowly growing, the violence and turmoil there was growing while the US influence was slowly vanishing. And because of all of this the US was now actually preparing to go back there again.
Looking at the whole situation now, it all just seemed so ridiculous. He felt scammed, there were no weapons of mass destruction and the country was actually fairly well off before they went there. And now they want to go there again. What a joke it was, but not a good one at all.
And if this war was nothing but a lie and some scheme to gain some money and power over the world. Then what about all the other wars like Afghanistan, Libya, Korea, Vietnam, Yugoslavia and every other one of the wars that they had fought? What was their country really even doing, what had it been doing for all this time? Was what they were doing even really necessary, was it really for the best interest of the people of the United States, or was it for something else? Maybe they were just the bad guys here and instigators of all of it?
But honestly he didn't really know anymore what to think. He felt so lost, so torn on what to do now? How could he forgive himself for all the people he had killed, for all the lives he had destroyed and terror that he had caused? What was the actual reason for any of it? What did Alan die for? What did any of the men under his command even die for? What was any of the death and suffering really for, this he didn't know anymore? He just wanted to love his country, to be loyal to his government, but how could he do so now, after all that he had seen and knew?
Before he hadn't thought of any of this. He had always merely fantasised and dreamed of being a good soldier. He wanted to serve his country, he simply just wanted for his life to mean something, he wanted to be someone who kids would look up to, he wanted to protect and serve, he wanted to be a real hero, to be a man.
That's why he always, even from a very young age had been going out to hunt with his dad, trained in mixed martial arts and he had even joined the scouts. After which he had managed to persuade Alan and a few of his other friends into coming with him to the all so famous West point military academy in New York.
Then in 2004, right after graduating they all followed him into war. And like a fool he held on to his patriotic beliefs and questioned nothing. No matter where, when or who he had to eliminate, or whatever position he needed to take or hold, he was willing to do anything without any hesitation for his government, for that glorious flag of freedom.
He even took a life changing bullet to his leg to save a fellow marine, and he got a medal for it. He was proud of himself back then. But as he was discharged from active service and sent back home where it was peaceful and quiet again, it all then slowly started to dawn on him.
Back home he no longer had anyone. His parents had left this earth a long time ago. He had no relatives, no kids, no girlfriend and no family. No one understood him there, no one knew of the things that he had seen and witnessed there.
He was constantly haunted by the images of the war, he was forever changed and now nobody even wanted to hire him for anything. He was broke and alone there. And within that state of loneliness and despair he had started to then question everything.
Alan had talked of many questionable things before the war, and there was logic to his theories and questions, but he never took him seriously until it was already too late. For when Alan returned from the war he was the same man no more. Alan did still try to hold the same old positive smile upon his face, but he wasn't the same, for his legs were gone as were so many of his men as well. All taken out in a massive explosion caused by a roadside bomb.
Nonetheless Alan seemed to still hold hope, he even was kind enough to give him a purpose once again to his life. For Alan introduced him to Alan's own old mother, who was living all alone in the mountains and who was in need of care. Not wanting to disappoint his best friend, he happily took Alan up on his offer and decided to go help the old woman who was already in her late sixties. And best of all was that the woman was so sweet, so kind and understanding to him.
And so for a time life had been good there up in the forest covered mountains of Vermont. There he had peace and a quiet nice simple life, and it was good. However news of their old buddies from the military killing themselves did still come in from time to time which was quite devastating to Him and Alan. It was sad and caused him to always recall it all again, but he could live with it.
After all Alan was there with him, he thought that Alan would be different, Alan was not like them, but he was wrong. For once the reports of their friends dying started to pile up, news of the pull back from Iraq came and finally they heard of the new threat emerging there. It had all just been too much for Alan.
And so just like so many of his other buddies before him, Alan took his own life in a vain attempt to get away from it all, to ease the pain and find forgiveness for his wrongs.
From then on he had visited Alan's grave many of time and thought, if only, if only it would have been him instead of Alan. All of it was after all his own fault, he had caused this to Alan, he had persuaded Alan into joining the military and joining that war. And now because of this Alan's mother was absolutely devastated, she didn't speak anymore, she hardly ate, her health had quickly started to decline, she was dying.
The woman's time was near now. Soon she would be gone and he would be alone again. And what would he do then?
Nothing had gone as he wanted it to go. His life held no meaning now, he wasn't a hero or a warrior like his ancestors before him. They had been vikings of Norway, men of legends and men who made great changes to the world and to history. They had been able to die in glorious combat like true warriors and legends, but he hadn't. For he at best had merely managed to save one wounded soldier, and that was the extent of his greatness. But that one thing couldn't justify all the bad that he had done and seen.
So there in the woods, in the darkness of the night he now sat alone. Dark shapes of the tall trees in the forest surrounded him. And as he looked up to the sky, he could see so many beautiful stars up there shining so brightly. Looking up at them brought a tier to his eye as he then pulled out a gun and placed it against his head.
Just one little squeeze of that trigger and then that would be it. It would finally be over. All those memories that came to haunt him each and every night, the constant pain within his right leg, all the pain would soon be gone. He didn't want to remember those images that haunted him, those images of his men, their burned, mangled up bodies, that armoured vehicle that was torn open like a tin can with so many of them dead there. So many young naive young men were dead because of him, because of that war, so it would just be best if he was gone now as well.
Although this wasn't his first time trying this, but he was sure that it would finally be his last. He just couldn't take it anymore.
Thinking back on it all now caused tiers to start coming to his eyes as he sat there in the dark, alone. He didn't want to die, he didn't want to leave that old lady and make her cry, but he couldn't do this any more. Besides the old lady was dying, she was just laying there in her bed barely even being capable of speaking now. He wanted to help her, but he couldn't do anything, no one could. The doctors were totally useless, none could save her or give her even a single more year of life.
He couldn't just sit by and watch her leave him, no, it was just too painful of a thought. He didn't want to be alone again. Besides no one needed him anymore, there was no purpose to his existence now and so it would just be best if he left and let that be it.
His hands were shaking now, he was so close and yet so far. Why couldn't he just pull that trigger, just one small squeeze. It should have been easy, or was he just such a coward that he couldn't do it?
Gritting his teeth, he shut his tierful eyes and yelled to the dark night sky in frustration of it all.
"Why is it so hard, just why god, why? Why do you do this to me, why do this to us all? Why are we all here on this earth anyway? Why must we come here and suffer like this? Just why? What's the point of it all? Is all of it merely to amuse you, is our suffering amusing to you, what is it that you want of us? Huh, what is it god? Tell me! Tell me that they died for something, tell me that their deaths, their sacrifices, my sacrifice, tell me that it all meant something, tell me the purpose of it all! Just please say something or at least show me a sign!"
But then as if the words came straight from heaven itself, a young angelic voice spoke up saying.
"Why should God show you a sign? He already gave you the book of beginnings, a book in tailing all of his children's stories and their teachings that all came straight from God himself. Just read it and you will see that God created man, but God also gave man a soul of his own and freedom to do with that soul whatever it is that man wishes to do. For God merely creates and guides his creations, he does not control them. He does not control us, and so it is purely we who move ourselves and do with god's teachings whatever it is that we wish to do."
Hearing these angelic words Eric couldn't help, but feel amazed. Was an angel of the lord truly speaking to him, had his words just been answered, but what was the angel talking about? What was the book of beginnings? This he didn't know, but the angel seemed to be speaking the truth. For there was no hesitation in the angels words.
Lost in thought he then felt a small soft and so gentle of a hand take a hold of his, as he was then suddenly consumed in a brilliant light, as the angelic voice said. "I see that your soul is good, but you are lost. Your mind is damaged, as is your body. So let me help you."
Then the feeling of warmth spread throughout his body, it felt so good, calming, he felt relief, happiness and he was at peace. It was like his mother was there again, holding his hand, consoling him. He could feel all the pain leaving him, his mind felt so clear now, so calm.
Then the light and warmth suddenly faded, but yet he felt so refreshed, so good, he felt like a new man, as the angelic voice then said. "Mmm, so mister. Could you, mmm, could you maybe tell me where the library is? I need to find it it's really important to a friend of mine, please could you help me?"
Listening to the angel's sweet voice Eric felt happy, but hearing her words Eric also felt confused. It sounded almost as if the angel was there right next to him, asking him if he knew where the library was, but why?
A moment of utter silence followed, until he suddenly heard sounds of light footsteps walking away from him. Then they suddenly stopped and the angelic voice said. "You shouldn't point a gun at your head, that's dangerous."
Then the footsteps continued to move further away. And as if a light of understanding had befallen upon him, Eric quickly opened his eyes, took a flash light out of his military pants and turned it on. Pointing the flashlight towards the sounds of the light footsteps, he froze.
There in the dark distance of the forest, was a ghost with white long hair more beautiful, more lustrous, more smooth, much finer than anything he had ever seen before. It's hair was simply just so perfect. It also seemed to be wearing a large white hoodie that had a lot of dirt on it. The hoodie was so large in fact that it covered the ghosts butt completely, it wore no pants, only a small glimpse of white underwear could be seen there. And looking lower, past its milky white and slender legs he could see that it had old torn up sneakers. And despite It's hoodie being so large, he could still see a slender hourglass girls shape to the ghost. In fact the ghost merely seemed to be an extremely beautiful little petite girl with white hair.
Seeing this he suddenly realised. Holy shit, is that a lost girl? Holstering his gun he quickly yelled to the girl. "Hey wait a minute! Who are you, what are you doing here? Are you lost perhaps?"
Hearing his words the girl stopped. She turned slowly to look at him and he froze. The girls big deep blue eyes looked at him with such curiosity and wonder, her face was so cute just an image of perfection and then her lips moved and she said. "Oh, I'm Lili. And no, I'm not lost. I'm looking for the library. Do you know where it is?"
Eric was stunned as he blabbered out a response. "Wa wa, what, Library? What are you talking about? There's no library here, we are in the middle of the woods."
Saying this the girls eyes suddenly turned a bit teary and she seemed so sad, as she turned away to look at the darkness as she said. "But the money."
Eric could hear her clearly, but he immediately felt his heart soften at the sight of her, and hearing that sad sounding voice of hers he couldn't help but start rushing to her side while saying. "No no, it's ok, don't cry."
The girl looked to his approach, but seemed hesitant as she took a few steps back and seemed ready to run. Seeing it Eric quickly stopped and said. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Please don't be afraid. I just want to help. Are you lost perhaps? Could I help you, maybe you're looking for your parents?"
Looking at the girl, Eric just couldn't help himself. All of a sudden he was consumed by a need to protect this girl. She looked so small, weak and most of all cute, as a man he felt that he had to help this little girl.
The girl seemed suspicious of him, she looked at him for a moment, studying him carefully with her eyes that seemed to start glowing a little in the dark as she then said. "I'm not lost. I just don't know where the library is. That's all."
Hearing this, Eric felt confused as he then said. "Mmm, oh, well. Mmm, there is a good Library in Hyde Park. I could show it on your phone if you want?"
Hearing this the girl simply said. "I don't have a phone."
Raising a questioning eyebrow at her words, Eric asked. "Huh, you don't have a phone, but your still out here all by yourself in the dark? Come on just tell me honestly, your lost aren't you? Please just tell me, it's ok."
Suddenly the girl started pouting cutely and stomped her little feet on the ground as she said. "No, I'm not lost. Why does everyone keep thinking that I'm lost, because I'm not." Then she huffed at him in annoyance, turned away and began walking away again.
Seeing her go Eric panicked. He didn't know what was going on right now, was this even real or just one of his hallucinations again? But one thing he knew, and that was that he could never forgive himself if he just let this girl wonder off into the darkness all alone.
Thinking quickly he called out to the girl again and said. "Ok ok, I can get you there. I can take you to the library ok, just please don't go wandering off into the woods alone. There could be wolves or even bears out here you know."
The girl stopped, turned towards him with her dainty little hands on her small waist as she confidently said. "I'm not scared. I'm a big girl, no, I'm a woman."
Seeing it Eric couldn't help but laugh a little as he said. "Haha, oh, ok ok. I get it I get it. You're a brave woman, wondering the woods in search of the library. Now come on, I can get you there. But its pretty far off, so will need to take the car. Plus it only opens at ten, so you might want to go home first and tell your parents about it. Or maybe they could take you there?"
Shaking her head the girl spoke firmly and said. "No, it's ok. Just take me there if you can and it will be fine. I just need to find the library."
This felt wrong to Eric, surely he should take this girl to see her parents first. What was she wandering around the woods for anyway, and in the dead of night no less, searching for a library? But although he thought of this, he didn't dare to say anything in fear of scaring the girl off. For she most likely was lost and would be in extreme danger if he let her go now.
So in hopes of keeping this girl safe he decided to act as her guardian for the time being, until he managed to find her real parents. He could maybe try and call the police, but no he couldn't do that, well not at least before he knew more about her first. Knowing what he knew about the government and having heard stories of kids being mistreated in foster homes and all that, he just couldn't really trust anyone right now. The safest bet here was simply for him to take care of her, especially if she had run away from home, then there most definitely was a good reason for it and so he needed to protect her.
Heading back towards his home Eric could hear the girl quietly following him, she was keeping her distance, but didn't luckily seem to mind his presence too much.
Seeing it Eric felt relieved. Kids usually never even dared to come anywhere close to him. Dressed in his old ragged military uniform, having his long blonde hair and beard being as dirty as it was, plus not having bathed for a while, he not only stank, but probably looked absolutely horrible as well.
Looking at himself and smelling his clothes, he felt absolutely disgusted by himself. Just how had he let himself fall so far, how could he let his appearance and health become so bad? Why'd he even think of ending it all just then?
Thinking of it all now it seemed so clear to him and his actions so insane and idiotic. Why had he done all those things? Why had he ruined his life like this? Why did he take all those stupid tattoos back then to mark his body with things that constantly reminded him of all the pain and death he had seen?
But then a sudden realisation hit him. He was walking through the forest without a limp in his leg, the pain was completely gone? And his hands and arms were all totally clean. Where were his scars, his tattoos and the pain.
His mind also felt so clear now, he wasn't haunted by the memories of the war anymore. He could remember all of them with more clarity than ever before, but still he wasn't bothered by the memories much at all. They did make him feel regret and anger, but he could handle the memories now. But how, how was it possible? How did this happen?
But once more a feeling of understanding came upon him. Stopping there in his tracks, he then turned to the girl that suddenly ran past him. She seemed so excited and happy as she ran towards his and the old ladies rundown one story wooden house.
Looking at her go, he couldn't help but feel a sense of awe as he looked at her. There was something off about the girl, she had white hair that he had thought to be fake, but looking at it now, it seemed so natural. Her skin was also so pure and perfect that it almost seemed unreal. He thought her to possibly just have a lot of makeup on, but he couldn't smell any makeup on her. The girl seemed totally natural and pure and yet she was so unreal to his eyes.
There was a strange air around her, she seemed so innocent and young. She looked to be maybe in middle school at best, but yet he could feel an indescribable intelligence and power within her.
And that's when he realised that the angel that had come to ease his mind, the one who spoke to him and the one who took away his pain and tattoos was no other than this girl. The thought of this scared him. It surely had to have just been his imagination right? This and everything happening right now must have been just his hallucination. Most likely he was already laying dead on the ground with a bullet to his head right?
His mind now felt so hazy, he didn't know what to think or to do other than just follow this girl. Walking behind her footsteps he could see her excitedly looking at his old rusty truck. But why was she so excited about it?
"Wow, is this your car? Its so rusty and red at the same time, so cool." While saying this she was excitedly running her little delicate fingers over the trucks old door. Seeing it made his heart skip a beat, what if she got a cut from the old rusty thing?
But before he could say anything the girl turned to the house and ran to the old wooden door there. Pointing at it she said. "Oh, can I go look inside your house? Can I?"
The door wasn't locked so he merely nodded his head and watched as the girl smiled and ran excitedly inside. Following her inside he could see her looking at all the things there with such interest, she most of all seemed interested in his and Alan's old photos from the war. Photos of them posing in front of destroyed buildings, burned and crushed cars and some statues. In the pictures they were sadly never together, but with their own platoons that they led.
Then the girls gaze turned to one where he had been moving through the city streets in Iraq with his men. They were all in full combat uniforms with their weapons at the ready and humvees there behind them. It looked like a cool picture of them patrolling the streets, but the girl seemed confused at the sight, as she asked.
"Why are all the men here so lightly armoured and armed? Are they a part of the militia?"
Hearing her comment Eric felt a bit offended. Just what was this girl talking about? In the picture they were all kitted out in the best gear that the US army had to offer. Had the girl been watching too many movies or playing those video games, just where did she get the idea that their gear was light?
But again the girl didn't wait for him to answer as he was too lost in thought. So she quickly lost interest in the pictures and moved onwards and found the door to the old ladies room. Pushing it open lightly she entered the room and went to the old ladies bedside.
Going to her knees she took a hold of the old ladies hand and suddenly her eyes lit up again. Seeing it again Eric felt so lost. Just what the fuck was he seeing right now?
The girls expression suddenly seemed to become so full of concern as her eyes continued to glow. The old lady didn't even seem to realise the girls presence as she merely lay there in a sleep-like state. And then the dark room was suddenly lit up lightly by a faint glow coming out of the girls hands.
Seeing it Eric was absolutely stunned, now he knew that this must have been a dream, or then he was really losing it now. Slowly stumbling backwards he tripped on his own feet and fell hard against the door with a bang.
It hurt, it really hurt, wait he was feeling pain. But then could this actually be real, no way right? But as he sat there in amazement watching this scene before him, he could clearly see the old ladies face and hands start to change right there before his very own eyes.
Her old wrinkly fingers started to turn smoother and younger, as did her face. Even her hair seemed to start changing a little, it was slowly gaining some of its old light blonde colour back. He could also see her lips becoming more plump and full looking. Her eyelashes, those baggy eye bags, her skin, nails, eyebrows and everything was changing before his eyes. The woman was going from 68 years of age to 60 in what seemed like a few ten or so minutes, then to 50 in another ten or so minutes. Time passed and then the girl suddenly collapsed.
Panic immediately struck him as he saw this and without any hesitation he rushed over to the girl. Laying her onto her back, he could see that she was sweating and as he touched her forehead, she felt cold.
The girl was shivering as he called out to her. "Hey girl, I I mean Lili right? What's going on? What happened your freezing, please tell me that you're alright."
The girl fluttered her eyes a little and moved her lips as if wanting to say something, but she couldn't. Seeing it he quickly grabbed her into his arms and lifted her up. Pulling away at the old ladies covers, he quickly placed her there next to the old lady and tucked her in there, in hopes of keeping her at least a bit warm like so.
Then he rushed to the kitchen and started up the water boiler. He took a big coffee cup out of the kitchen drawer and started to make some coffee for the poor girl. Honestly he didn't know what to do now, the girl wasn't normal and she felt so cold, almost as if she were dead.
Oh god, just the thought of it sent him back to the war and made him shiver. He had seen too many soldiers die and felt their bodies go stiff and become cold like that. He didn't know what sort of a thing could help this girl, but he needed to try something. The ambulance was another option, but they were too far from the nearest hospital, it would at least take a half an hour for the ambulance to arrive here.
But as he thought of this, a sudden feminine shout came from the room the girl was in. "Oh my Lord! Eric, why is there a dead girl in my bed?"
Hearing this he immediately rushed back to the room and saw the old lady there holding the girl in her lap. The old lady was actually awake to his amazement, he almost couldn't believe it. Plus she looked so good now and seemed more livelier than ever before, although the girl wasn't.
But then the girls hands suddenly moved, she moved to take a comfortable position in between the old ladies breasts as she weakly muttered out a few words saying. "Hmm, I'm glad you're ok. But I think I'll need to sleep for a while now. Hmm."
Then the girl seemed to fall into a sudden sleep with her head pressed in between the old woman's breasts. The sight looked quite sweet as the old woman worriedly held the girl in her arms and then looked to him for answers. Seeing it Eric merely lifted up his hands in surrender and started to explain himself to the best of his abilities to the old lady.
Honestly he himself didn't yet even know what was it that was going on here, who was this girl and was this even reality still or had he totally lost it now.