I opened my eyes, and those glimmering dark green eyes of his greeted me. We stared at each other's eyes for quite some time before finally breaking off.
He smiled as we continued on walking. Akari, shifting his attention to nothing in front of us, his face, beet red.
"Are you sick?" I asked. Right after asking the question, he quickly looked away from me. "No. Don't worry about me." He said in a shy manner.
As we crossed a pedestrian lane, the raindrops fell, dropping down the street. I said,
"I see."
⁰-⁰
We arrived at an apartment building, we quickly entered and got in the apartment. Now I find myself sitting down in Akari's bed.
"Hey." Akari who was looking for clothes in his drawer, called out. "Here, now give me your wet clothes. I'll dry it."
He gave me his clothes and I quickly started stripping.
"H-Hey, I'm still here." He exclaimed as he turned red.
I gave a confused look. "It's fine, we're both boys. Anyway, are you sure you're not sick?"
"Yes, right, right. Now go change in the bathroom."
After a few minutes I finally finished changing. Looking at the mirror, I only then realized that his clothing really is big on me, but I don't really have the right to ask for another change right now.
I came back to the bedroom to find him only to see him gone. I waited for a few minutes and he came back with a steaming bowl of ramen.
With a proud look in a proud voice, he handed it to me saying, "Ehem, sir?"
Extra meat and eggs like how I ordered it last time. "Thanks."
I looked back up only to see a weird reaction. "You really aren't like the Hibiki I got to know before."
I slurped the noodles, as I ate. "Tell me."
"Tell you what?" He asked.
I continued on looking down at my food. I feel like I shouldn't look at him right now. "About myself."
...
I felt the bed move as he sat beside me. His voice, turning soft. "Forgotten something?"
I hesitated with my answer for a second, which rarely happens. But he seems like a good person, who knows a lot about me so.. "Everything."
As I spoke that one word, I also slowly looked beside me to see his face.
He wears an unexplainably gentle, soft yet painful, sad look. Looking at his face, his eyes right now, I've come to realize that I've never really learnt every emotion there is that one can feel. Or maybe I have but this is really just actually what it looks like in person.
Tell me, why are you looking at me with such begging eyes?
He quickly smiled and laughed. "Really?" He then took my bowl that was already finished. He stood up and turned his back on me towards his kitchen. "You didn't forget me did you." He suddenly said in a lifeless voice.
I didn't dare answer. I don't want to hurt him even though I do really not remember him, but not being given a proper answer would be better for people that are clearly broken to receive.
After a few seconds of silence, he turned to look at me then smiled. "Your clothes are about to be done drying."
I nodded in response. I don't know why, but I feel.. uncomfortable right now. Maybe not uncomfortable but it does feel unpleasant.
As I wore my shoes at the entrance of his apartment, wearing my heated clothes and a small plastic bag of leftover food. I felt Akari staring intently behind me.
I looked behind me but focused on my shoes again, "Is there something wrong?"
"No." He replied, then took a deep breath. "With how many months you disappeared, I don't know when I'll see you again."
I opened the door in front of me and felt the warm air brought after the rain, breeze through my face. I looked back at him and said, "It's not like I'll disappear." I smiled.
⁰-⁰
That quite melancholic smile of his that I got a glimpse of before I left, stayed on my mind for a while. Weirdly interesting person.
Meow
Kade meowed at me loudly, signaling that she's hungry again. Ms. Fatass has been eating her stock.
"Here." I called out to her as I put out another batch.
Watching her eat feels comforting, it's as if crazy stuff didn't happen for the past few weeks. I might be crazy, well for other people if they found out that I'm back at my apartment that some Yakuza members tried to shoot me in. Not like I'm other people.
Ting
A notification from my phone called to my attention. Looking at it, an unknown number sent a text. I opened it only to see, "Hello, Hibiki."
With doubt, I sent a reply. "Hello."
"It's me, Asami." She replied.
I checked the clock, 12 A.M. "How did you get my number?"
"Yuano." One word, one name made me suddenly feel unsettled. "I wanna meet."
"No."
Ting
Another message was sent to me, but finally someone familiar.
"What're you doing right now?" He asked.
I replied back with a photo of me and Kade. Putting my face close to her as she eats, taking the risk of getting a scratch for a mere photo.
"Feeding her." I said.
He took a while to reply back only to send a picture of himself. Kaede, making a lazy, forced smile and a piece sign with a bowl of fried rice on his hand.
"Any plans tomorrow?" He asked. "If not, let's go out. I want you to meet my mother again."
⁰-⁰
"Mother?" I asked myself as I looked at the mirror in front of me. Come to think of it, I've never seen Kaede with his family, but it's probably the same for him to me.
Although Xyla has blessed me with enough clothing to fill my wardrobe, this orange jacket is still the best.
The last time we talked with each other.. crying in front of someone, more importantly him is just so..
Ting
My phone made a sound from a notification. But it's just Kaede asking where I am.
I look up, and the sky's oddly clear as day. The wind blew, washing my sweaty face with hot air.
Slowly and slowly, my memories seem to be fading away. Starting from the unnecessary ones, to the ones that make up my life. I find myself sitting beside an unlit light pole, while people pass by and the sun, looking down up the sky.
I'm forgetting.. again.
What was the color of Haru's eyes?
Was it this dark?
-KAEDE-
"Did you get enough sleep?" I asked the day dreaming-looking Hibiki, who is sitting beside a light pole with his mouth slightly, open.
His eyes that were looking straight ahead to nothing but my chest, looked straight at me.
Creepy
"Ah-" He uttered before I was able to wipe off the saliva dripping from the corners of his mouth.
Ehh
I finished up and offered him a hand.
Hibiki tucked his hair behind his hair and said, "Where are we going?"
"I'm not sure."
I don't feel alive. Nothing seems to be able to make me feel happy or sad since I last met Haruki. Not that I can't feel them, I sometimes smile from time to time, laugh from time to time.. but that's the extent of it. Though I might be a mess right now, I can see that Hibiki has been getting better, and I need to be there for him even if I become unwanted.
My tears threatened to fall as he, Hikaru accepted my confession. I didn't expect that he'll like me too, and even if he's just experimenting with me, it's fine.
Because I felt it, he looked at me with those eyes, those eyes that seemed to scream reciprocation so clearly.
Love.
But I didn't feel like it was genuine. Like he's wearing a mask so thick that I can never, impossibly peel it off.
But I was determined, although I knew I would never be enough for him, I tried. I tried so hard to keep him, I showed him.
Steadily, slowly, I caressed his face while trying to find the ends of that mask. Hoping that one day, he'd show me his true self.
After all,
"Aren't actions better than words?"
How desperate of me.
"What a pretty name." Hibiki said as he sat down beside me.
I looked in front of me. A grave, a grave that's been surrounded by flowers stood before us. In the province, in the large backyard of an old traditional house.
Even though I've been busy with my life, I'll always have a place for my family in my mind.
Silence
Only the occasional winds that blew was disturbing it for a few minutes.
"Mom." It has been such a long time since I spoke those words. "Do you remember Hibiki? He's back."
I felt Hibiki's gaze shift from the grave to me.
"How rude of you to leave us so early. Not cool, if only you were to see Hibiki's state right now. You'd be proud." I took a sigh. "I'm sorry, if it's been a while since I visited. Actually, this is the first time I've visited, aren't I actually the rude one?"
I looked at Hibiki, and smiled. He was just looking at me with an emotionless face. Like always.
"Guess what? Hibiki's hair is shorter now." I said as I fiddled with his hair. Oddly enough he just let me and just closed his eyes. "A-Anyway, I'm sorry." I turned back to my mother. "This was probably the last time, we talked this long with each other."
As much as I want to talk with my mother further, I wouldn't want Hibiki to be bored and pitiful for me, it's better to end this early. Sorry, mom.
"Goodbye mom." I stood up and offered a hand to Hibiki. "C'mon now, we're in the province so we'll visit some places."
He accepted my hand, but before I could turn my back, that same hand pulled on me. Stopping me from walking away.
I turned to look at him. "What's wrong?" I asked, thinking of the possibilities of what he might do. Hibiki's movements and actions have been predictable since th-
"Mother." Hibiki called in a simple, soft, polite manner. "It's nice to meet you again."
He crouched down, touched the withering flowers and said,
"Even though we've probably already met before, I don't remember a thing you see? I want to say sorry." He stood up. "I just felt like I needed to say sorry. Goodbye, Kaede's mother."
All while still holding my hand.
Hibiki then faced me and smiled. It's been a while since I've seen that expression of his. I'm happy.
⁰-⁰
"Ah, will we sleep here?" Hibiki although barely showing, shyly asked me as we sit outside the house, drinking tea.
I didn't even think about that.. "Ah, sorry. I didn't think about that at all."
I can't tell him that I was too carried away with the fact that I'm about to visit my mom again. He was the only one that I'm closest to and I don't want to go alone..
"There are extra clothes here though. I'm sorry again." I added. I quickly opened the door inside, searched for clothing, and gave it to Hibiki.
"You don't have to be so anxious.. wait is that the word? It's fine, sleepover it is." He kindly accepted the clothes I gave him, though it may be a little too big for his size, I hope it would fit since it was too literally just an extra piece of clothing.