It's so hot.. I'm literally burning.
"Ahhh-" My nonsensical zombie-like whining came to a halt as a tall figure stood in front of me, blocking the heat from the sun.
"Did you get enough sleep?" Kaede asked. I stood up by taking his hand.
I probably look like a total mess right now.. he's not sweating but why am I?
I fixed my hair then asked him, "Where are we going?"
"I'm not sure." He responded with a small smile, trying to seem happy yet his eyes gave an off vibe. I think he's the one that didn't get enough sleep.
Ting
I took out my phone as we waited for the bus.
It's a message from Asami saying, "Hey, let's meet up at xxx park, later at xxx PM."
"No." I replied, a simple word with a straight forward answer, surely she won't pester me more.
I felt a soft tug from my side, that was when I realized I was still holding Kaede's hand.
"Hibiki, let's go." Kaede said, I nodded.
Ting
I checked my phone again as we sat down inside.
Another message from her. "You're actually not going?"
What does she want, really? "Why should I? Also, I'm on a.. trip, I think, with Kaede." I responded.
"Really? Too bad," My heart skipped a beat as I read through that chat. "I gained some info about Yamamoto."
Suddenly, my senses seemed to narrow down, focusing on the slow, thought provoking text pending. I don't like this uncanny feeling on my chest.
Ting
"It's better to talk about this personally, let's talk when you have time."
I broke off my hands from Kaede's to quickly chat back. "??? Tell me now."
"No need to rush.. after all, whatever you do I don't think you'll be seeing him very soon."
-KAEDE-
Thinking about it, It's been such a long time since both of us even had this much physical contact.
"Hibiki, let's go." I called out to him, Hibiki, who was so focused on his phone that he doesn't even realize that the bus is already here.
I do hope he doesn't think this trip is boring, or maybe he's just busy.
Ting
A notification from Hibiki's phone again. I took the window's side since It looks like he's sweating too much.
I felt the need to smile as I looked at Hibiki's hair that looked a little messy, does he not look at a mirror?
I looked out the window, although it's supposed to be sunny and hot, the world looks unusually dark, as always.
Sigh
I looked to my side, just to see Hibiki in a tensed up mood, his brows furrowed, all while looking intently at his phone. I felt his hand tighten around mine.
He quickly broke off from my hand as soon as he received a text from someone.
"Hibiki? Is something wrong?" I asked. He looked at me with a worried look. "You're sweating a lot." I said as I caressed the back of his head a little.
"Haru." He said, in a soft worried voice..?
Haru? Why bring him up no-
"She said she knows something!" Hibiki, yelled as he shoved his phone up to my face.
"W-What? Who?" I took his phone and looked at the message. "Who's Asami?"
⁰-⁰
So Hibiki felt like my mom was his too huh?
I finished showering, wore my bathrobe and got out.
I pushed the creaky door of the bedroom to the side and saw Hibiki's already sleeping. All we did today was visit mom's grave and settle inside, yet he falls asleep fast as if he stayed up late to study for a test..
"Hibiki, are you awake?" I called out as I sat beside him. No answer.
The moonlight showered his face with a glimmering light. Making his white, silky hair seem like pure silver, and his skin, slender and soft as a cotton.
How can a man be so pretty? I'm jealous.
I changed to my pajamas while Hibiki just wore my extra shirt to sleep, which I almost used as a mat last time I was here. All because I didn't like how cutesy it is.
"I'm bored." I mumbled down from my mouth.
I sat down outside the veranda where we drank tea just this afternoon. It's chilly but I don't really feel sleepy, so I usually tend to look at the moon.
While Hibiki's sleeping peacefully behind me, here I am staying up.
"She said she knows something!"
"W-What? Who? Who's Asami?"
"My step sister."
His step sister huh.. from all those years I've been with him, I've never found out he has one. He still has family. Good for him.
I stood up and tried to find the camera I took with me. I'm bored, and he looks really funny so might as well take a picture.
Click
I took the polaroid that came out of the camera and shook it. Even with this lazily taken picture, he still looks pretty.
I set those aside and took the acoustic guitar I left last summer in my room. Took out some pen and paper and started to think of something.
I like pictures because they don't fade away like memories do.
I like music even more.
Because unlike pictures that can, and will soon be ruined with time. Music immortalizes my feelings and emotions, even painful ones that I still wouldn't want to forget.
'Hold You'
A song I once made when I was still longing for.. Haruki. As embarrassed as I feel right now while singing it, I feel a sense of comfort and nostalgia in my heart instead.
I stopped singing as that annoying sensation in my eyes come back again.
Man, this is so not cool.
-HIBIKI-
"Hey." I called out to Kaede as he finished praying. "Look up."
Ever since he wake me up for breakfast this morning. He hasn't looked at me directly once.
He didn't look at me when he woke me up. He didn't look at me when I talked to him. He didn't even look at me when I smiled.
He's acting weird.
Kaede looked down at my untouched food then focused on his again. "Why?"
In a low voice I called again, "Kaede, look into my eyes."
Finally he looked up at me. As our eyes met, I felt the sheer cold envelop my body while those eyes, as dark as a crow almost pierced through me.
Those dark eyes of his are just like how it always is but underneath.. you cried, didn't you?
"A-Are you okay?" I mumbled on my words.
Kaede looked shocked and confused for a moment. "Huh? Well, yeah why?"
"Nothing."
I checked my phone for any messages, and there was nothing.
"Hiki, are you sure?" Kaede suddenly spoke which took my attention. He looks.. concerned? Shouldn't I be the one feeling concerned? I won't be able to anyway even if I needed to.
I set aside my phone and asked, "About what?"
"Nevermind." He replied as he took a sip of his coffee. "Hiki, have you noticed some changes recently? Especially with you."
I did a stretch and laid back. "What do you mean?"
"How can I say this.. Well, you've been very expressive."
???
I sat back up and look at him confused.
"Like just now," He looks at his side, trying to not look at my eyes again. "You looked.. concerned? Stuttered too. You didn't notice?"
If I think about it more, I have felt some weird things before. Like that one time my cheeks felt uncomfortable when I received Xyla's gifts.
"Woah!" Xyla's loud voice exclaimed. "You're.. Hibiki you're laughing!"
Recently when I met up with Xyla and Asami..
"You're..."
"Scared?"
And that time too when..
"What are these? Tears.. why? I really can't understand myself."
I completely forgot about that.. why did I just remember that now? I probably look so weak for him.
What now? Why does my cheeks suddenly feel hot?
"Hiki? Are you okay? You're a little red." Kaede said as he comes closer to my face. Touching his forehead onto mine.
"No.. I'm fine." I replied as he slowly touched the back of my neck. "Kaede, if I'm actually starting to feel right now. Then I think what I'm feeling right now is, embarrassment?"
"Oh." He suddenly stopped touching me and sat straight again. "You know, people usually don't state how they're actually feeling like that.. anyway it doesn't seem like you're sick."
"Kaede." I called out again, as a rush of energy flowed rapidly inside this vessel of mine. I leaned down the table to get closer to him. "If I'm actually able to feel it again, will I be able to feel human?"
"W-What do you mean? You're a human already." He confusedly replied.
"No, what I mean is," I held his face with both of my hands, not being able to stop my.. excitement? Looking straight into each other's eyes. "Human, like you." I continued with a monotone voice, like how I always sound.
A fleeting feeling.
That burning energy suddenly dropped and brought me back to my senses.
"Hibiki," He held my hands that was already on his face, and caressed it with his cheeks. He then looked at me again with those eyes. For a second, I felt as if I saw a glimpse of the longing and heaviness from that deep down his eyes.
"If that's the case, then I'm no human either."
The winds blew in from the wide opened door of the veranda. Washing our faces with a melancholic touch, and a cold, bitter sweet smile start to come into my view.
Only your eyes aren't smiling.
I understand.
He gave a soft smirk, and for the first time ever. I got to witness an expression that I've never seen before.
"You're not alone."
The whole afternoon after, he just had this droopy kind of look while grilling some barbecue for us in the backyard.
His backyard is big, so big that I don't even think it's a 'backyard'. But that isn't a bad thing, this place is beautiful.
There's a small pond, decorated by stones outside and in front of the room we slept in last night. There's some cute little fishes loitering around inside.
"Kaede, have you fed those fish?" I called out to Kaede, who was finishing up with the preparations for dinner.
He walked towards me and put down the dish filled with grilled foods. "Yes, aren't they pretty?"
I looked back to the fishes, swimming around energetically as they sensed their owner's presence.
There are three different Koi fishes in the pond, Black, White and Red.
Kaede took out a box of fish food and sprinkled a little in the pond. "Want to try?" He said as he handed me the box.
I took a big pinch from the food, and as my hand gets closer. The black Koi exposes their fragile mouth of a body up at the surface of the water.
"It likes you." Kaede commented. Even though I'm not looking at him right now, I can already imagine him smiling beside me. "Hey, Hibiki. Do you know the meaning behind the color black, for a Koi fish that is."
I shaked my head and continued to look at the fish swimming around.
"The black fish, represents the fact that you~" he drawly said, as he pokes my cheek with his finger. "Will be able to overcome your obstacles."
Any, obstacles?
Will I be able to see him again?
"Well that's what my mother believed in. I remember her saying.. Ehem, "Remember the meaning of these Koi fish? When you feed it, and one of them reaches out to you. It'll surely bless you." He said while mimicking his mother speak. He laughed as he said so, and finally he showed a genuine smile.
Ah.. how happy you are. I feel weird right now.
Deep inside me, that I presumed was already dead and cold. Now, felt like I can actually feel the soft warmth of the spring, the warm breeze that make this place feel at home, at ease.