"I'm not clumsy. Now would you let go of me?" I replied calmly, and he let go of me, his flirty facade slowly disappearing.
"Firstly, yes, you are very clumsy. But I already know you won't admit it so forget it. Umm… so… Sydney," he said, acting a lot more nervous than usual.
"Yes, Jason," I said, batting my lashes at him because I had seen Tyra doing it countless times to hypnotize unsuspecting victims.
He looked up at the ceiling, doing his best to avoid my eyes, and blurted out, "I need to tell you something, but I can't do it here. Do you mind following me to the back of the school?" It took me a second to recognize what he was asking.
"The back of the school? The back where couples go to make out? That back?!"
"Sydney! What other back would I be talking about? Can we just go?" he asked, still avoiding my eyes.
"You're not going to try to…?" I pretended to calculate where I could run to hide.
"Gonna… what? No! Sydney, don't you trust me? Plus, if anyone was gonna try anything between us it'd be you."
"Me?! Jason, Jason, Jason, you think way too highly of yourself. And I will follow you but I swear if you lay a finger on me, I'll—"
"Come on," he said, dragging my arm to make me follow him. We both laughed all the way there.
When we got there, he took me behind one of those huge trees that filled the school compound. We stood there for a moment to catch our breath, and then Jason finally said, "I like you."
Even though I knew he was going to say it, I was still shocked to hear it from him. "And I want you to be my girlfriend. If you want, I mean. And it's fine if you don't like me back or you don't want us to date. I won't make things awkward… I'll wait for you. And I take it back. I don't like you; I love you. I feel like- I feel like we connect. I find it so easy to talk to you, and when I'm around you, I feel better about myself. No need to be insecure, proud, or perfect. With you, I can be just me because I know you're OK with me and… I'm talking too much, aren't I?" He slapped his palm across his forehead and fell to the ground referencing a cartoon we both loved with his movement.
I burst out laughing and sat down on the floor next to him "You definitely are, but it's kind of cute. You should have seen your face!"
He laughed too, finally looking me in the eye. "So, what do you think? Yes? Or are you just going to make fun of me?"
I pretended to think for a moment, tapping my chin. "Continuing to make fun of you is actually a very tempting option"
"Oh my God" He groaned.
I laughed again before quietly saying "Yes"
"Wait seriously?"
I nodded
He leaped up and jumped around "Yesssss" He came over to me and picked me up from the floor like I was a lightweight.
"Oh my goodness, put me down, Jason. You are so embarrassing" He just continued to run around with me in his arms laughing until my sides hurt.
---
As always, my mother came to pick me up early, and I wouldn't get to speak to Jason again until the next day because my phone had been seized, but it didn't matter. I could still feel his arms around me, and it gave me a violent case of butterflies in my belly. I could tell my mom noticed my giddiness, but she probably already guessed what happened and didn't ask about it, which meant I was in big trouble.
"Sydney," my mom called out from her room.
"Yes, Mom," I screamed back and ran to her, and the door was already open. This was going to be bad. My mom tapped the side of her bed next to her, and I sat there and braced myself for what was to come.
"So, tell me what happened. Word for word. Every detail," she said and waited.
I had no choice but to tell her. If I lied, she would know. If I skipped as much as a punctuation, she would know. So, I told her everything. Word for word. Every detail. When I was done, she sighed, and all the gushy emotions I had felt vanished.
"I do not approve of you and that boy. He is not good for you. He's bad news just like—"
I have no idea how and why, but I snapped. I jumped to my feet, and anger fueled the words that came from my mouth. "Just like my father. I'm sick of this, Mom. You have no reason not to like him. Not a single reason. Like seriously. Ever since the moment you saw him, you labeled him as bad news, but you haven't even said a word to him. I'm sorry you married that man. But it wasn't my fault. I didn't do anything. I didn't ask you to marry him. I wasn't even born then. You made a mistake, but that's okay. You're human. But that isn't a reason for you to dictate my entire life with that man as your foundation." I regretted every word the moment I said it, but it was too late.
"Sydney, I'm going to ignore all you just said for now, but don't you realize it's just a crush? It's. Just. A. Crush. Sydney! And that's all it will ever be."
"No, Mom." I sat back down and tried to hold her hand. She didn't allow me. I had crossed a line, but I couldn't back down now. "I would have agreed it was a simple crush maybe two years ago, but it's not anymore. I now know for a fact that I love that boy. I love him so much. It's the first time I've let anyone in since… since…" I couldn't find the words. I felt hot tears running down my cheeks. It was the first time I'd ever let anyone in again since my father. I was up again, furiously wiping my tears away before my mom could see them.
As memories of him years ago flooded my mind, I broke down and fell to my knees. I remember him lifting me when I was eight while I tried to run away. I remember him talking to me about his first girlfriend and how hot he was when he was younger. I remember him teaching me how to swim and to ride a bike. And then I remember the night he tried to kill my mother. I remembered forcing the knife out of his hands and slicing my belly. I remembered throwing the vase I had spent weeks making for him at his head and him falling unconscious. I remembered my mom carrying my bleeding half-conscious body and how my belly was stitched up without anything to numb the pain. And then I fainted.