Julian smiled to himself as he watched his father busy himself around the kitchen, cursing at the roast that wouldn't be cooked already and fighting with the piping bag that wouldn't ice the cake correctly.
He had never, in his long seventeen years seen his father flustered.
Thomas Oswald was a rock. He was the best father and his very own superhero. He had no fear, always stood tall and confident and solved every problem with ease. He exuded charisma and power and he knew people were usually too frightened to speak to him except for the women who were just too attracted to his nice mug.
His father was softer with them, when it was just family, he cracked a smile here and there. He patiently listened to his sister's rants while playing lego on the rug with him. Even when they were little and he used to be in the marines, he made all the time they spent together count and they never felt estranged from their father. He was the best parent one could ever hope for. He provided them with everything, materially and emotionally, but as his son, Julian had always felt like something was amiss.
Thomas hid it well but when he thought no one was looking, he'd get this intensely sad and far away look that had broken his son's young heart. The rest of the time he didn't ever allow himself to really feel anything. It was always very steady and monotone with their father. They knew he loved them, never doubted it but Julian also realized they weren't enough. Their father missed something and he hadn't understood what until he saw him with their mother.
Like everyone else, Julian had always assumed his father only held negative feelings towards their mother, not hatred because he was the only person who would ever speak about her with Julian and he always spoke kindly about her, but nothing good either.
Until he stood between the two.
He had seen the way his father looked at his mother, a few rare time, but he had. It was the way Pa looked at Ma and Sawyer looked at Autumn. It was the obsessive, intense hunger, the visceral need for the other that he had only witnessed in these two cases. He had wondered about it at first, but after seeing the eager attempt his father desperately made at communicating with her, he Realized his father had never stopped loving her. It was tragic. It was beautiful.
Julian loved his father, more than anyone else in the world. Pa and Ma may have helped, mostly the first few years, but their parent, the one who raised them, was and always would be their father. So when he noticed the way their somber father lit up around June, the way he had never smiled more than in her presence, the aching look on his face when she turned away from him… Julian knew he had to help.
Which was why he had brought him over last friday. Which was why he had convinced, threatened, Lizzy to be on her best behaviour tonight.
Lizzy passed by and frowned at their usually composed dad who was almost trembling over a layer cake but she didn't say anything and went back to her bedroom.
They had barely finished in time and Julian was now amusing himself by watching the man they called The Bear fidget as he peeped through the windows. And he knew the second his mother showed up from the change in him. He visibly lit up, his shoulders raising and his face softening from worry to relief. Julian swallowed his laugh back as his father ran to the door but paused with his hand on the knob to allow her to knock.
« Hey, » he threw the door open after the second knock and greeted breathlessly.
« Hey, » his mother answered and slowly lowered the hand that had been knocking.
« Welcome ! » Julian called out to bring his father out of whatever trance he was in. « Thank you for coming. »
« Thank you for receiving me, » June smiled and hugged her son.
She was so beautiful he had no trouble understanding why his father had fallen for her so long ago. Even the scars on her face couldn't overshadow the grace of her features.
« What is this ? » Julian took the tray out of her hands.
« I couldn't come empty handed. »
« You could but I'll never turn your food away, » Julian bent down to kiss her cheek and his heart filled again with gratitude.
He had loved this woman for so long. One day he had asked his father about his mother and the answer had been so pretty that he had immediately wanted to meet her. He knew she had done something very wrong but it didn't matter, she was his mother and he wanted to meet her. His little heart had been broken when his father suddenly canceled their visit a day before they would finally meet her but then the letters had started. The beautiful pages carrying perfect, well spaced letters he could read on his own and beautiful pictures he collected. He had learned to love her through these exchanges and even after he reached a more mature age and his father sat him down with Lizzy to explain exactly what it was that she had done, it didn't fade away.
But it had all become so much more real since she came into his life. And he was grateful for every moment he spent with her. Julian knew he was lucky to have a mother who loved him so much, who did so much for him, who was beautiful and kind and smart and the more time he spent with her, the less he believed her guilty of such grave crime. The woman who helped flies out of the water ? The woman whose every pore gave her out when she lied about the smallest thing ?
If only Lizzy could see what he saw.
« It smells very good, » his mother remarked as they walked into the living room where the table was already set. « Wow. »
Julian smiled as his mother took everything in with wide eyes.
« We worked really hard, » Julian boasted proudly.
« Thank you, » she said in a shaky voice and squeezed his hand softly. He softened at her emotions.
« You're more than welcome. »
They all sat around the table but Julian saw his mother hopefully look around. He immediately realized she was looking for Lizzy.
« She ate a late lunch with her friend, » Thomas noticed it too and offered kindly.
She just smiled and tried to hide the disappointment in her eyes.
—
June spent an amazing evening. She was a lot less comfortable than she had been a few days ago in her own house but it was still enjoyable. The food was amazing and she felt herself choke up a bit when she realized Thomas hadn't forgotten what she liked.
Around nine, after they had dessert, a delicious flan specially baked by Julian, June got up not wanting to overstay her welcome.
« Thank you so much for this evening, it was the best birthday I've ever had, » she looked at her son and caressed his face gently.
« Mom, it's not over yet ! » Julian took her hand in his. « We haven't even eaten the cake.»
« We've just had the flan, » she laughed and tilted her head to the side.
« This was the dessert, dad baked a cake. »
« You… baked ? » June found herself staring in shock at Thomas who looked embarrassed.
« I swear I got better, » he scratched his jaw and she couldn't hold back the small laugh she let out at his begrudging admission.
« I… Okay, » June sat back down but this time Julian got up.
« Let's eat it in the living room it'll be more comfortable. »
June could only follow him and stared in wonder as Thomas entered with a lit cake. It was the biggest cake she'd ever had, covered in pink frosting and as many candles as it could carry on top. Thomas started singing in his low, husky voice and June felt herself tear up as the picture superposed with a much younger version carrying a much smaller cake. And Julian started singing along and soon she was both laughing and crying.
« Make a wish, » Julian insisted and she felt herself sincerely wishing. She put her palms together in prayer and closed her eyes.
Lord, allow me to watch my children grow happy and healthy. Shower them with love and ease and surround them with good people.
It was dark when she really made to leave. Both body and soul well fed and still feeling warm all over from this overwhelming happiness.
« You should stay the night, » Julian offered but she firmly refused. Coming over was already risky, there was no way she'll test her luck with more.
« Then I'll drop you off, » Thomas followed her to the door.
« No ! » She stopped him before she could think about a better way. « That's not necessary, » she added more calmly after clearing her throat.
« I'm not letting you leave alone so late, » he paused with his hand over the plate carrying his keys. « So you either stay over or climb in the jeep, » he said firmly and she got a glimpse of the marine Julian talked about. It reminded her of the man she used to know as well as herself.
« I agree with dad, » Julian unhelpfully added.
« I… » June rubbed her hands together, suddenly feeling cold as the fear she had finally got under control creeped back in. « Okay, » she agreed, desperate not to anger Thomas or her son. In one case, he may forbid her from meeting him again, in the other Julian got annoyed with her.
Thomas' shoulders relaxed and he opened the door for her.
« See you soon, » Julian whispered in her hair as he hugged her goodbye.
The ride back home was tense and silent. June was afraid of doing a single wrong move. What if she twitched and he thought she was throwing herself at him again ? What if he took it up to the police ? What if she went back to prison ? It made no sense and she knew it. She was thirty five for goodness sake, but what had happened to her didn't make sense either and it still had so she forgave herself for turning a bit paranoid.
« We can't go on like this, » Thomas sighed a little while later and June whirled her head around in panic.
« I'm sorry, » she rushed to apologize.
« Jun- »
« No, please, I swear I'll do better. Just- Just tell me what I did wrong, I- »
« Stop, that's not what I mea- »
« Please don't send me away, » June choked on a sob. « I beg you, I won't do it again. Just don't take them away from me. »
« June ! » He frowned and looked at her in worry but her sight was blurry with tears and her heart was beating so loud in her ears.
« Please, please, » she repeated.
She didn't even Realize he had stopped the car on the side of the road and gotten out of his seat until he was standing at her door and helping her out of the car. She was having a panic attack. there wasn't enough air in her lungs and it made her cry even more.
« Breathe, » he ordered gently and rubbed her back in a soothing pattern. She tried to forget whose warm, solid hand it was and focus on the grounding feeling but she couldn't help herself from hearing the voices that haunted her grow louder and louder in her head.
« She harassed him. She wouldn't let him out of her sight. He couldn't breath. »
« She is obsessed, it's understandable, he is a handsome, smart guy from an upper middle-class family and she's… I apologize for the term, but she's trailer trash. »
« He can't get rid of her, she is like a leech. »
« She made him sick with her constant nagging. She stalked him night and day. She even slipped into his house in secret ! »
June shook her head to make it stop, she didn't want to remember and arched away from his hand. She stumbled on her feet but stopped him with a hand when he tried to catch her. He froze and looked at the pitiful mess she made, hyperventilating on the cold, hard ground.
« I'm sorry, » she apologized after getting herself under control. « I swear it never happened in front of Julian. »
« Does it happen often ? » Thomas frowned and she Realized the mistake she had just made.
« No, » she lied but he didn't look convinced. « It doesn't, » she insisted and he only looked at her pitifully.
He allowed another long moment of silence while she relearned to breath before crouching down in front of her.
« This is what I'm talking about, » he started softly. « We have two kids together and you look like you're about to faint every time you look me in the eyes. »
« I'm sorry. »
« I don't want you to apologise. I want us to be able to communicate, » he paused. « For our children's sake at least. »
It made sense and she hated herself for being so weak.
« I'll do better, » she nodded to herself and caught herself avoiding his eyes again so she forced herself to look up and was startled by the pain she read clear as water in his green pupils. « I'm sorry, » she found herself saying without even understanding why.
« Stop apologizing, » he smiled softly. « I know we can never…It's not… the same as it was but I hope you'll try to… Friends ? »
She stared at him and he looked so uncomfortable that she found herself relaxing. Thomas didn't stutter. Ever.
« I don't like being seen in public with you, » she admitted truthfully and grimaced at the hurt on his face. « I know you're trying to be kind but everytime you look at me I feel like hundreds of judging eyes are following my every move, ready to paint anything I do or say as harassement like… » She didn't need to finish her sentence for him to understand.
« Ok, » he nodded to himself after a while. « I get it. But we… We'll always be tied to each other. If you don't get used to it now what will you do when it has to happen ? At the kids' graduation ? Their wedding ? We'll have so many events to celebrate together from now on and I don't… I don't want to rob you of any more memories but I don't want to miss out either. »
June listened to his gentle but firm voice and found something extremely comforting in the way he spoke. He was right. God, he was right and it was going to be hard but she had to make an effort.
« Ok, » she agreed and forced herself to hold his gaze. It took all her courage and he could probably see her tremble but she held on.
« Let's get you home, » he held out his hand to her but it still looked like a bit much for now. « Please, » he added in a raw voice that made her body act on its own.
It wasn't so hard she thought as he led her to the car. Her palm tingled and the feeling of his skin still elicited the same familiar warmth to spread. But she could ignore it and it was over soon.
She was so lost in her thoughts she hadn't realized they had already arrived. Thomas walked her silently to her door. She turned after turning the knob.
« Thank you for… Everything. »
« Thank you,» he said in a heavy tone she couldn't read.