She heard loud shouts and peeked down the rail to see who had come over. Her older sister stood in the hallway and argued with a girl around her age. The stranger was pretty despite the tears running down her face and her panicked expression.
They shouted a bit more and the stranger left angrily. The little girl went back into her room to play with her dolls before her sister realised she was out of bed.
But they started shouting again. She went back to her spot over the stairs and looked down but the fight wasn't happening here. She hesitated over going down to spy on her sister again but decided grown ups fight were boring and went back to her room.
She didn't remember falling asleep.
There was a loud crash and she startled awake. She ran down and saw something in the mirror that made her freeze.
Then it all went black.
The next thing she remembered was the blond girl standing amongst the flames, sobbing and shouting something she couldn't hear. The fire was unexpectedly loud.
It all went black again.
And she was outside watching the burning house next to the girl covered in blood.
The young woman was pulled out of sleep by the loud ringing of her phone.
« Hullo ? » She mumbled into the receiver.
« Oh, sorry to wake you up, » her correspondant apologized in a soft voice.
« Nah, it's late already, » she sighed and turned to lay on her back.
« I was just calling to ask what you wanted to drink today. »
« I'll bring the drinks, you're already cooking everything. »
« No, it's okay, just tell me w- »
« I want to, » she insisted and chuckled at the old man shouting somewhere behind her interlocutor. « Tell Old Joe I won't forget him. »
« Ignore him. Thanks Bea, see you later ! »
Beatrice hung up and stared at her phone for a long moment, her mind superposing pictures of the present and the past in an exhausted hubbub.
—
Thomas shot down the suicidal asshole in the arm but kept him alive. He still had a lot of frustration to let off and the rest of the group had been a huge disappointment. He had fucking flown over to Colombia for that shit.
He finished the job and flew right back home, barely taking the time to change out of his torn, bloody clothes.
« Hello. How are you ? Yes, me too. Thank you. » Sawyer raised an eyebrow after Thomas threw the disk at him and went to leave.
« I haven't seen my kids in three days and- »
« Your kids are used to those short travels, » Sawyer scoffed.
« And I miss June, » Thomas finished with a glare. « How is she ? »
« Good, good. Julian slept over on Monday, she met her friend on Tuesday and went on a date yesterday. Oh, she had her first commission on instagram so you might want to congr- »
« Repeat that slowly, » Thomas was on him in a blink and picked him up by the collar.
« Easy you bastard ! » Sawyer pushed him away.
« I'm not fucking laughing. »
« Neither I am, » Sawyer glared up at his best friend before pulling out a file and tossing it on the desk. « You're welcome, asshole. »
Thomas ignored him and ripped it open. It was information on some scum named Anthony Grett. 36. Order packer since 2013. Single. A dog. Two fishes. Liked to eat Japanese food. Consulted last month for urinary infection.
« Since when ? » Thomas read through this jerk's pathetic life.
« It was their first date. »
Thomas didn't ask anything else and left.
He managed to calm down when his daughter welcomed him home with a hug but still felt like a ticking time bomb. Lizzy told him about her week and he responded appropriately on automatism while his whole body was trying to claw its way out of his skin in impatience.
« Where's your brother ? » He asked on a pause in the one-sided conversation.
« At Matthew's. »
Thomas sat at the counter for the whole damn hour it took for his son to come back. It took everything in him not to climb in his car and rush over to June's to demand explanation before picking her up and driving straight to Vegas. Three fucking days. He had only been gone three miserable days. He couldn't leave her out of his sight.
« Hey dad, » his son finally jogged into the kitchen, all sweaty and smiling. « How was your trip ? »
« Fine. Now tell me everything you know about Anthony. »
Julian startled and choked on the water he was drinking.
« How do you even know about that ? » Julian stared at him with wide yes. « Nevermind. What do you want to know ? »
« Did she ever tell you about him ? » Thomas's hands tightened into fist over the counter.
« A bit, » Julian sighed and sat down across from his fuming father. « He's one of the few nice colleagues she has. I don't think she realises he has always been into her and I did my best to keep it that way. »
« Then what happened ? » Thomas gritted out.
« You screwed it up, » Julian leaned on his elbows. « Remember when you snapped over the whole Mary's bullshit two weeks ago ? »
« She was fine last week, » Thomas frowned in confusion. He had fought his every instincts to take things back to normal.
« She was twisting her brains to come up with something to make sure everyone knew she didn't have her eyes set on you, » his son smiled sympathetically.
Thomas' weak heart skipped a bit at this. He fucking prayed she'd set her eyes back on him. He craved to be looked at like she used to again. He dreamed of her small hands on his skin.
« How do you know that ? »
« Mom's an open book, » Julian scoffed. « When she started telling me about thinking of trying to meet up new people, I just knew. And then she started making some small, innocent remarks now and then, but I was sure of it last Tuesday. We stumbled into Liz in a café and I don't know what we were talking about, but suddenly mom was talking about Anthony in a loud voice, I mean as loud as possible for someone as shy. »
Thomas cursed under his breath and raised a hand to pinch the bridge of his nose. What a headache.
He knew June better than he knew himself, he Realized exactly what had gone through her head when Mary stood smiling down at her in the home that should have been June's if everything had gone right and he had been braver.
Thomas had spent the first eleven years of his life in the middle of a storm.
His father had fallen for the wrong woman and every day felt like a battle. His mother knew exactly how deep his father's love ran and how far he would go for her and took as much advantage of it as she could. That's how she turned his father into an addict and their home into an oven.
He grew up watching his father with utter disgust and the deepest resentment and had sworn to himself that he'd never lose himself to someone this way, he'd never let anyone else have such a hold over him. He still remembered his grandfather's pitying eyes as he swore he'd never fall in love in the cursed way that ran through their blood.
When his mother started cheating, his young mind had been overwhelmed with relief and it felt like he finally had a way of pulling his pathetic father out of this toxic obsession. It backfired when his father refused to believe him and Thomas's disgust grew as he watched his father protect the blind trust he had in his awful wife.
His grandparents tried to take him away but his parents fought tooth and nails and since they couldn't prove their wrongdoings, Thomas stayed. Sawyer was his only confident. He was also the first person he went to after finding his parents' corpse.
Passionate crime. His father had finally walked in on his wife with another man and had been so overcome with fury and despair that he killed both before taking his own life. Thomas probably hadn't even crossed his mind then.
Sawyer kept him company until the police came to find him with his grandparents and patiently listened while Thomas swore he'd never allow himself to fall for a woman. He'd never let himself become dependent on another being to the point of being unable to function without them. Since the Oswald didn't seem able to love properly, he just won't let himself love at all.
Pa had done okay because he was lucky enough to fall for a good, sane woman. Thomas couldn't risk finding himself in his father's shoes.
Until June.
That's why he had agreed to break off with June back then.
He had no intention of letting her go. Never. But Sawyer's accusation had strung a deep cord, brought a dormant fear to life and he had needed to show them that he wasn't his father, that he could love right. He would only let June go for the time it took to convince them he could function without her, he'd figured it would last a couple of months top. June's heartbroken pleadings had almost shaken his resolve but he needed to show them that she, too, was normal. That her love was healthy and normal.
He wished he never had.
At first, he couldn't believe it. He punched the police officer who came to his grandparents to announce June was arrested for Kelly's murder. Shouted her innocence and went berserk at the station when they refused to allow him to see her. It was only when his grandfather bailed him out and sat him down on the ruins of his childhood home that he listened.
If the role had been turned… If it was him in June's place… He would have done it. He knew it in his bones, couldn't deny the truth of it. If she had moved on and allowed another man to hold her, he would have killed him. He would have killed any man who dared try to steal her away. The realisation shattered him. He really was just like his father. And June… He had ruined her. His poisonous love was contagious and she had done the unspeakable. And he understood her.
He never forgave himself for that.
And yet he never stopped loving her and he was selfish and depraved enough to want her back now. She had paid for her crimes, he could pick the pieces up now and they could try loving each other again. This time he'd show her what he had spent the last seventeen years learning on his own, away from her, fighting every mad instincts that shouted at him to get her out of there and run far, far away. He succeeded, he managed to force himself to stay away and waited. He could love her right and she could learn to too.
But it all spun out of control and now she was dating some worthless asshole and he felt the monster he had been fighting into submission for the last two decades wake up.
« Maybe… » His son brought him out of the hole of memories he had fallen into. « It might be for the best, » Julian looked at his dad with such wise, mature eyes, Thomas had trouble reconciling the image with his kid. « Dad… You're the only guy she's ever been with and… » Thomas gulped down the urge to tell his son to shut up. « She's thirty-five and she's spent half of her life behind bars. I think she deserves to start really living now. » Not with another man. He couldn't allow it. « I looked that Anthony up and he's way below what I think she deserves but he's not a bad bloke, so… Stay out of it dad. »
Thomas met his son's eyes and despite the fury his words elicited, he still felt immensely proud of how his son looked out for his mother.
« I have some business to handle, » he got up and headed straight to the door.
« Dad ! » Julian called out but Thomas couldn't wait any longer. « Don't hurt her anymore. »
Thomas stopped with his hand on the knob and forced himself to turn around.
« Never, » he swore and tried to convey how serious he was through his eyes. He didn't know if he did a good job at convincing his son but Julian didn't try to stop him anymore.
He blew way past the speed limit but it still took forever to get to the trailer park. He jumped out of his car and walked like a man on a mission toward June's house when someone called him out.
« Not now, Joe, » he barely spared him a glance.
« Don't make me pull out my old shotgun, » the drunkard had never looked more sober. Thomas glared at him but turned around to walk over and glared down at him impatiently. « This girl over here deserves the world. » Thomas softened a bit at the fond look on the old man's face. « She gave and gave but only received hell in return. »
« I- »
« She gave you the most, » Joe's eyes held immense resentment as he stabbed Thomas in the heart.
« I can't let her go, » Thomas admitted in a low, guttural voice. It was so wrong and yet it was the way it had always been for him. He loved her in a selfish, sick way. There was no other way for him.
« I'm over seventy. My liver and kidneys are shit. I don't owe no one money. Nobody's gonna miss me, » Old Joe stood up and despite the large difference in height, Thomas felt small under his serious gaze. « I have nothing to lose, boy. »
« I can't let her go, » Thomas held his eyes and Joe didn't let go for a long moment, before nodding and turning to the open door of his trailer
« If anything happens, » he took a sip from the glass bottle that never seemed to leave his hand. « You better step up. Jump under the bus or from the rooftop but don't ever let her get hurt again. »
« I won't, » Thomas promised and watched the old man close the door behind him.
He took a minute to compose himself before heading over to June's door. The sky was already darkening and the light was on inside. He knocked and listened as she ran to the door, smiling when he heard her curse softly as she hit something in her haste.
« Hey ! You're a bit early, » she chuckled shyly and Thomas felt the blood that had cooled over the way start boiling again in his veins. « Let me just- » She cut herself off and her eyes widened as she Realized she wasn't talking to the right man.
Thomas looked her overly, slowly, intensely. He took in the black pleated skirt and the lilac blouse. He took in the painted toes peeking out of her heels and the fake pearls earrings she had been putting on before freezing at his sight. He took in the low, loose bun she had gathered her golden hair in and the soft glitters at the corner of her eyes. His eyes zeroed in on her dark lips and he felt sanity leave his body.
« W-what are you- ? Wait ! » She panicked as he forced his way in and she rushed to step back to avoid contact. He slammed the door closed behind him, his eyes never leaving the beautiful mouth he still tasted in his sleep.
« Are you heading out ? » He asked in a husky voice.
« I- I- Yes, » she stuttered and kept walking backward while he didn't stop his slow approach.
« Hmm, » he hummed softly.
« Is e-everything okay ? Is it a-about Julian or Elizab- »
« Where is he taking you ? » He cut her off and felt the tightening in his groins as her mouth formed a little shocked 'o'. « You're beautiful tonight. »
« If you're worried about the twins, I won't introduce them, » June raised her hands up in front of her in defense. « I can introduce him to you first if you prefer ! »
She was asking him to greenlight her boyfriend. The absurdity of the situation tore a painful laugh out of him.
« I- I can ask him to- »
« Has he touched you ? » He finally reached her as her butt hit the kitchen's counter and she was trapped under him. He put his hands down on each side of her to cage her in his hold and lowered his head. « Tell me. Did he dare put his hands on you ? »
« W-wait- » June's chest was heaving in panic but he was too far gone to feel bad. He needed to have her now, show her what he meant. He 'd been too nice this past year and here she was going around on dates with fucking assholes whom didn't deserve the smell of her. Let alone her words and smile. Her touch.
« Did he kiss those lips ? » Thomas raised a hand to caress her soft cheek before sliding it down to hold the side of her pale neck. His dick twitched both at the electricity running down his skin at the contact and at the pulse galloping under his palm.
« L-let's sit down and- » June's eyes pleaded with him to stop, to allow her to compose herself but he couldn't allow that. Her mind got him into this predicament. He was in charge now.
He met her eyes and slowly leaned down until their breath mingled and he could taste her. His heart went mad with recognition and he felt his whole body heat up as she breathed life back into him.
« Please… » she pleased softly and he knew she was begging him to let her go, to stop before he ruined her plans for a peaceful life, but it sounded so much like what she sounded like in his dreams when she begged him for more, for love.
He closed the distance between them and gently took her mouth.
He groaned as he finally got to taste her again after so long and his body sung in relief at the feeling of being back home. She trembled under him as he slowly moved, first gently savoring her soft, plump lips, reintroducing his starved body to the pleasure of her taste before he couldn't hold back anymore.
He licked his way along her lower lips and moaned in bliss but she refused him access. Thomas took hold of her head with both hands and turned his head sideway to taste her better and sucked her lower lip into his mouth.
« I missed you so much, » he panted between kisses and though he hated that she wasn't responding, he couldn't stop. He pulled back to look her in the eyes and the look of hunger he could have killed for was there, fighting over control with the overwhelming fear he hated so much, he felt her shiver under his palms.
He leaned back down and he saw her defenses crumble when the bell fucking rung.
It seemed to startle her awake and she started pushing against him but he wouldn't budge. Thomas frowned and turned to the door. It rung again.
« It's Anthony, » June muttered in panic and her small shaking hands pushed harder against his abdomen.
« June ? » An unfamiliar voice called out through the door and Thomas felt his guts tighten with the need to throw the door open and grab the man by his throat. « I can see the lights on. »
Thomas heard her take a breath and dove before she could speak up. He forced his way in and groaned lowly as their tongues met. SHe pushed against him and fought back but he couldn't allow it.
« June ? » The jerk called out again and Thomas felt the need to assert ownership. One of his hands slid down to grab the back of her thighs and he pulled her up to sit her down on the counter. She moaned in his mouth as he pushed deeper. « June ? » The jerk's voice weakened in doubt.
« She's gone, » Thomas heard Old Joe call out and he swore to drown the man in alcohol in gratitude.
« Oh. But- »
« She forgot the lights, » Joe cut him off.
« Oh. Okay, » Andrew didn't sound convinced but after a minute Thomas heard a car leave and then a door slam indicating Joe went back home.
Thomas kept eating June's mouth like a starved man and he felt his heart swell when she softened under his hands. Her tongue tentatively slid against his and he lost all remaining control. He picked her up and went to lay her down on the sofa, groaning in relief as he pressed his hard body against her soft one.
« Wait. No. We can't do this, » June turned her head sideways to avoid his lips but he was quite content to reacquaint himself with the soft skin of her throat. His heart ached as he felt the raised skin of a scar under his mouth but licked it, feeling the need to soothe it even though it had happened years ago. « Thomas ! » She shouted and he froze at the sound of his name.
« Yes ? » He raised himself on his elbows to look down at her. She was so pretty, a dark blush on her face and her mouth all swollen from his kisses.
« We can't do this. It's wrong, » she frowned at him sounding so desperate to make him understand.
« Why not ? » He softly brushed a strand away from her face.
« Thomas, » June's frown deepened. « I don't want this. »
He frowned down at her. He knew she wanted this too, maybe not as much as him, but she was reacting. He saw it in the darkening of her eyes, in the blush that went down her neck, felt it in the hardness of her nipples against his chest. She wanted him too.
« Please, no, » she begged and her voice broke on the last word. This made him pull away. It was painful but nothing hurt as much as her tears.
She pulled herself up and cowered as far as possible from him to curl herself up at the end of the sofa while he desperately tried to get himself under control. Jerking off every single nights to thoughts of her to find sleep and waking up still aching and needy for the past year had taken its toll but he had spent twenty years with memories of her as his sole companion, he could bear it a bit longer.
He had managed through two decades by picking up women who resembled her every few months, turning the lights off and fucking with his eyes closed and her name on his lips. It had been torture. Now that she was here, warm and soft under his hands… No, this was torture.
Thomas rubbed his face and took a deep breath.
« I went to prison for that, » June softly broke the silence and nothing could have prepared Thomas for those words. He found himself unable to speak while she curled up even more. « I got my children ripped away from me and rotted away in jail for seventeen years for that. » Thomas was desperate to say something but his throat closed up and his mind was blank. « The jury didn't judge me for being at the wrong place at the wrong time, they judged me for loving you, » she whispered in a broken, miserable voice.
« June, I- » He reached for her and she let him but her eyes were looking far away, her expression haunted.
« I was guilty of loving you, » she said out loud and it punched the breath out of his lungs.
« Please… » He found himself begging in a hoarse voice.
« I won't make the same mistake twice, » June's spine straightened and she turned to look at him with a determined face. « I can't afford to lose anymore. »
She didn't push him away as he gathered her in his arms. She let him beg for forgiveness in her hair for a moment before pulling away.
« Leave Thomas, » she asked without meeting his eyes and he couldn't not obey this time.
However he stopped in front of the door and turned around.
« I won't allow you to be with another man, » he admitted, disgusted at how much like his father he really was, but he couldn't. « I can't. »
« Then I won't, » June agreed easily.
She didn't fight. Didn't argue about how unfair it was, how inappropriate it was for him to demand that of her.
« And I'll keep trying, » he added with the same determination she had shown when she rejected him.
« You won't, » she shook her head softly with a small knowing smile that burned him inside.