Jake sat at the edge of his bed, the screen light bouncing off his face, brightening the dim room. Jules name staring back at him, he hadn't heard from Jules in two days and the silence was eating away at him. A part of him wanted to throw the phone across the room to severe all ties between them before Jules could abandon him first. But another part-one that whispered of hope and mostly regret - wanting to try one more time to fix whatever he might have broken. Taking a deep breath, he typed out a message. Hey, i know things have been rough lately but can we talk? i miss you. His finger hovered over the send button. He hesitated , his mind already racing through the possible responses: what if he ignored it?, what if he thought i was needy? The idea of seeming desperate clawed at him, but the silence felt way worse. He hit send, his heart racing as the message disappeared into the ether. The minutes stretched, each one feeling like an eternity. He checked the clock, biting his lip, his mind already spiraling through the worst-case scenarios, Maybe he had met someone else, someone easier to be with, someone who didn't fall apart over any kind of miscommunication. He could basically picture it: Jules laughing with someone else, who didn't send texts in the middle of the night, didn't worry about every expression or ever prolonged silence. When his phone finally buzzed Jake's heart leaped out of his chest, he quickly opened the message. Jake i don't think this is working anymore. It's all too much for me, it's just.....too much for me. The words felt like a giant punch to the gut. His vision became blurry, a mixture of rage and sadness boiling inside of him. "too much" it always seemed to be - too much, too intense or too unpredictable, he was never enough yet he was always too much. Before he could stop himself , he typed back, his fingers flying across the keyboard along with his emotions. "Too much? i' have always been there for you when you needed me! do you even know how it feels to be left hanging like this? to feel like i am just some burden you can drop when its most convenient to you?" He hit send, immediately regretting it but feeling powerless in stopping his emotions. He watched through blurry eyes as the message went through, his hands shaking, the anger dulling, replaced by the aching of numbness and emptiness. What am i doing? he asked himself. The next few hours passed to a foggy haze, He He paced the room, alternating between blaming Jules and blaming himself. He picked up the phone once again, tempted to send an apology, to backtrack, to tell him that he didn't mean it. But he knew it wouldn't make it any better, it never does, the damage was already done. Come midnight, he felt hollow and cold, the anger and sadness having exhausted him. He pulled out his journal and started writing down everything he could, trying to make sense of everything. "Why do i keep doing this? Why cant i just be normal, Just let go of things like everyone else?" those words spilled onto the pages, raw and unfiltered. His pen scratched the paper harder and harder as his frustration grew until finally, the page tore. He just wanted to be different, he just wanted to be normal, to be loved, to be someone he and someone could finally love.