Jake dragged himself to work the next morning feeling like there were chains dragging alongside his feet. The previous night replayed in his mind like a broken record. Jules words haunted him: "too much." He barely slept , his eyes stung from crying and his chest filled with heartache. He had no choice but to go through these waves and pretend that he and everything else was okay. As he settled down into his desk , he tried to focus but his thoughts kept drifting him in and out of reality. His frustrations grew, every tiny noise around him became amplified: the clicking of keyboards, the humming of printers and his co-worker Emily chatting in the break room. it all began to slowly grate away at his open and raw wounds. By lunch time he was bundled up tightly. He could feel every emotion that was bubbling beneath the surface. Emily walked over to his desk with a smile on her face, Jake quickly forced half a smile, hoping she wouldn't notice his intense expressions. "Hey jake! Want to grab lunch together?" Emily asked light and cheerfully. Jake hesitated for a moment not knowing how to respond correctly. " i am not really hungry right now thanks for asking though Emily." Emily tilted her head with a concerning look upon her face. "Are you okay jake? You seem kind of....off today." Jake clenched his fists tightly as his patience was quickly thinning out, he didn't want to explain himself, to justify why he felt all these emotions, he just wanted to be left alone. "Honestly Emily, i don't need you checking up on me every five minutes, i am just fine okay. " Jake snapped, his voice sharper than he intended it to be. Emily took a step back, hurt painted all over her face. "i just want to be a friend jake." Jake looked away biting his lip, a mix of guilt and anger circling inside him. "Well maybe i don't need friends who are always asking me stupid questions when all i need is space."As soon as the words left his mouth, he felt a pang of regret. Emily's expression hardened, and without another word, she turned and walked away. Jake sat there, his heart pounding, watching Emily's retreating figure. The silence that followed felt thick, suffocating. he wanted to call her back, to apologize, but the words felt stuck in his throat.The rest of the day dragged on, with Jake feeling the weight of his impulsive outburst. he replayed the moment over and over, wondering why he always seemed to lash out at the people closest to him. This wasn't the first time he'd pushed someone away, he knew the pattern well.
As the clock neared five, Jake packed up his things in a daze, the regret settling heavily in his chest. he left the office in silence, his footsteps echoing in the empty hallway. Part of him wanted to run after Emily, to explain himself, to say he didn't mean it. But he couldn't bring himself to face the look of disappointment he knew would be waiting. On the bus ride home, he tried to block out the flood of negative thoughts, but they pushed their way in anyway. he felt trapped in a cycle he couldn't break, a constant tug-of-war between wanting to be loved and pushing love away. he hated it, hated the way his mind seemed to betray him every time he got close to someone.By the time he got home, he was emotionally exhausted. He dropped his bag by the door and sank onto the couch, letting the silence fill the room. Taking out his phone, he stared at her message history with Jules, feeling a hollow ache in hes chest. he typed a new message:
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be difficult. I just… don't know how to handle all this sometimes.he hit send before she could overthink it, hes fingers trembling. he closed hes eyes, feeling the weight of loneliness settle over him. For a brief moment, he wondered if things would ever get better, if he'd ever escape the endless cycle of emotions that seemed to pull him under time and time again.In the quiet, he took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. Maybe tomorrow would be different. Maybe, just maybe, he'd find a way to start breaking free from all these emotional weights.