Pain is the first thing I register when I gain consciousness. Blinding pain. The type that gets you feverish. The type that prevents you from knowing where one part of your limb stops and where the other starts. The type that makes you want to throw up. My head hurts, my back, neck, shoulders, everywhere. I can't move from the fetal position I wake in. I managed to open my eyes a bit to see what's happening, there's no one here. They've all gone. I let out a breath of relief and a sob break free. I'm still finding it hard to believe this is real, that this isn't just a terrible nightmare. I'll gladly take a nightmare a hundred times over than this reality I'm forced to face.
I need to get out of here.
I check for my phone, as I try not to remember why I'm naked. I try not to think of the one thing that will shatter my mind. I hold in the urge to cry out as manage to turn my body to the side trying to locate my trousers, my phone should be in there. It must be in there.
I can't bloody see it. I can't bloody see my pants. Frustration has hot tears spilling from my eyes. No matter how hard I try to swallow it down, it just seems to have a mind of it's own. It just keeps leaking out of my eyes, blinding me the more. The sides of my lips are on fire. They hurt so bad as tears keep touching the wound I guess is there.
I try to see if I can move my legs to at least get up, hot pain sear up from my buttocks up my spine. I gasp, unable to manage the pain. No… No no no. I shake my head feeling dizzy.
I can't remember. I cry, no no. I don't want to remember. I don't want to remember. I sniff. I couldn't see from the hot tears that is blinding my already swollen eyes. I use my forearms to drag myself around trying to find my fucking phone.
I manage to grasp what feels like a cloth and I quickly use it to wipe my eyes. I feel the cloth and come in contact with a belt and something that feels like phone. I quickly fish out my phone. It's a little cracked but thankfully it's still working well.
Too ashamed to call my parents or Gabe, I dial Mal's number. It starts ringing but I can't stay awake. The pain is blinding and the little shuffling around I did weakened me the more. I fight to stay conscious as the phone keeps ringing but loosing my grip, I'm loosing it, if I don't stay awake, I might die here-
"Hey T"
The moment I hear his voice I feel calm, relieved. Relief has me feeling faint. "i…. I ne..ed.." I try to say but couldn't because my mind starts shutting down. I hear his voice, hear him saying something but my mind can't catch it. I try to stay awake but I just can't. I guess panic was the only this keeping me awake since because that is the last thing I remember as I welcome unconsciousness.
I wake up to the sound of beeping. It's so quiet and peaceful. Quiet and peaceful. I'm I dead? I guess if I'm dead I won't be able to hear beeping sound or would I?
I feel numb all over. I try to move my feet, I can't. My fingers too prove difficult to move. I try the other hand and thankfully I feel my fingers moving. I open my eyes slowly, the blinding light has me shutting them quickly. Fuck! That hurts. I wait a beat before trying again. Slower this time. I look around, white, pristine, clean. Hospital.
So it wasn't a bad dream after all.
Someone gasps and hurry to my side. I turn to the person, it's mom. She looks broken, tired. I guess I still did this again. Still caused another trouble.
She cups my cheeks as tears clouds her eyes. "oh…baby" she says brokenly. "Look what they did to you." She sobs. "look what they did to my boy." She wails. I can only stare. I can only stare and absorb the anguish I caused my parents.
He hold my hand to her chest as she weeps. The door opens and my dad walks in looking no different from mom. His eyes are also bloodshot. Immediately he gets to me. His eyes filled.
He hold my mom as she weeps. "Son"
"I'm sorry." I say, though my voice is barely audible due to cracked lips and all.
"You said what son?" my mom asks as she did not hear what I said.
I don't repeat myself because I can't muster the energy to do so. I just watch as they both wept.
Waking up, I realise I kind of dozed off a little bit, looking around, the room seems to be empty. Where are my parents? Did they leave? Were they tired of watching over me?
I cant blame them though. I guess I finally broke the Carmel's back.
Feeling parched, I search for water. There's a filled glass on the table. I moved my usable hand to reach for the water but couldn't reach it. My fingers are just able to graze the glass. I stretch forward a bit, still I couldn't reach it. I then try to move my body into a sitting position and a dull pain travels up my spine. And I slump back down.
Tears immediately fill my eyes. Shit, I can't even move to quench my thirst.
The door opens and someone walks in. I ignore the person instead I scowl at the bandages on my right hand.
"Hi" the voice say. I freeze up. Dread fills my stomach as I realize who walked in. "T"
My the tears I've been holding in falls and rolls down my cheeks. He's seeing me like this, broken, weak. I couldn't look at him right now, I couldn't look at him and see the pity in his eyes, knowing he knows what happened to me.
I feel a warm hand on my shoulder and I flinch. The hand quickly withdrew. "Sorry" he whispers, his voice cracking at the end.
My stomach hollows at the hint of despair in his voice. I feel him move and a cup of water appeared at my front. I quickly collect it and tried drinking as much as I can, but my throat close up and I choke on the water and start coughing. "hey it's okay, you need to slow down." I cough some more before my throat finally settles and I try again. Slower this time. After I'm done, he collects the cup and puts it back on the table. I grip the blanket tightly with my good hand, trying to regulate my emotions before finding the courage to face him.
The moment I laid my eyes on him, even though this didn't happen, I'd have been sure something was gravely wrong. Mal looks wrong, off, not put together. He looks like someone disorganized him and put him back together.
For one, he's wearing a yellow t-shirt that looks really rumpled, his eyes tired and red. His beard is showing a little bit now, so different from the clean shave he always wears.
"where I'm I?" I ask. That's the only thing that comes to mind right now.
"my hospital. You were rushed here three days ago."
His hospital? My heart beat speed up. Did he treat me? Does this mean he knows everything that happened? Shit shit.
"hey" he extends his hands as if to calm me. "I didn't treat you. Not me. Some other doctor." He says with low voice. As he withdraws his hands.
I nod. I don't know why I'm acting foolish, there's no way he doesn't know what happened.
"How are you? Shit, that's a stupid question. Obviously," he rubs his palm down his face "obviously you're not fine." He looks agitated or an… xious?
I only shrug, not finding the strength to reply. I mean, there's really no need to reply because we already can see what's up.