As the days pass, my wounds heal, and my body becomes stronger again. It doesn't hurt that much to move around anymore. My ribs still aches, only if I move sharply or if I turn in a certain direction. My mouth has healed. Probably the first to heal though. I think it's because it's not a deep wound.
My nether regions on the other hand, still feels sore, but the intense pain I experienced the first time I woke up has disappeared. The only time I feel pain is if I sit on my butt for a long period of time.
The major problem I'm battling with is the nightmares. I honestly haven't been able to have a good night sleep since the attack. The only time I sleep peacefully is when I'm pumped full of drugs. Every other time I fall asleep, I'm back at that old abandoned house. I'm scared I won't be able go back to normal even though the doctors said I will eventually. I just need a whole load of therapy sessions to help me through it.
The worse part of being in this hospital aside from the pains are the visitors. So many people, I'm sure half of the don't even know me. Friends of my mom and dad, relatives, friends of my sister and her fiancé, work colleagues, to many people. Even Mal's sister dropped by four to five times which I'm grateful for but I'm greatly relieved the visiting are over.
Well not totally over, the police are coming by today. I've been trying to put off the dreaded interrogation, but my parents refused to postpone it any more. They're desperate to find out my attackers and they'll stop at nothing to catch them. As much as I dread the visit, I also need to see them suffer for what they've done, for putting me in this terrible situation.
I'm just trying to buy on a brave front, but inside, I'm in shambles. My muscles are tense, I'm nervous and scared to recount the incident that happened that day. And my bloody support system has been distant for some days now, I don't know what's going on with him. When I try to pull him close, he moves away with some kind of pained expression on his face which I don't understand. I know he cares about me, it's not hard to tell, with him perched on my bed side twenty four hours daily, that's why I'm racking my brain, wondering what's wrong.
The idiot in question is currently seated on his designated chair, working away on his laptop and I scowl at him. What's his fucking problem. I'm hurt here and I need him but his being foolish. I enjoyed the first couple of days when he let me snuggle up against him almost all day and I hate it now that he won't let me.
"What?" he asks without looking up, maybe he can feel me staring holes at the side of his head.
"What?!" I choke. "you ask me what?!" I yell, not minding the volume because I know we cant be heard from outside, padded wall and all that shit.
He jerks and turns to me looking perplexed. "what is it? Are you hurt?"
My scowl deepens. "no I'm not fucking hurt. What is wrong with you?"
He looks confused. "I don't get it."
I roll my eyes. This guy is so fucking dense. "you've been avoiding me for a couple of days. What's your deal?"
He sighs. "I've not been avoiding you. I'm right here."
"my touches."
"your what?"
"you've been avoiding my touches." I grumble. "don't you want me anymore?" my voice sounds small. Fuck, I hate feeling pathetic.
He looks down at his laptop then back at my face, looking like doesn't know what to say.
I sigh, turning away from him, accepting his silent rejection. "wait!" he calls out and I reluctantly turn back.
"what?" I mumble.
He's silent again and I'm about to lash out when his voice stops me dead. "don't you blame me?" he asks with voice so drenched with guilt I can almost taste it. Fuck.
I peak a look at him and I see his hands wrapped around him, looking dejected. Shit. I never thought he'll ever feel guilty for what happened. Why should he even feel guilty, it wasn't it fault. "why should I blame you? You weren't among those that hurt me."
"you got hurt because you met me. If you didn't , you would have been safe and uninjured now." His voice cracks.
I got down from the bed and go to him. I pull his face up to face me. "you dare not blame yourself for what happened to me. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me okay." My heart breaks at the pain evident on his face. He close his eyes tightly and opens them again. My heart shatters at the tears I see in them. "I'm happy I met you Mal. Nothing, and I mean nothing can ever make me regret it." The ears fall so I wipe it of gently with my thumbs. "I might not understand this intense attraction I feel towards you, but God help me I want it. I want you desperately in my life Mal."
He stands up abruptly and pulls me in for a hug. His arms crushing me towards him as he sobs silently. "I'm so sorry you had to go through this." He sniffs. "I'm so sorry baby." He says with voice thick with emotion.
I hug him back tightly and let tears flow freely from my eyes. This beautiful man with mismatched eyes have been wallowing in pain and guilt for a long time, blaming himself for what happened. My heart feels so full.
"Please don't blame yourself." I whisper. "promise me you won't okay?"
He's silent so I shake him. "promise me Mal."
"I won't."
I sigh in relief a d move back to see his face. His eyes are red and shiny from tears. I wipe them off and he wipes mine too. "can we go cuddle now?" I ask hopefully.
"Yes we can." He pulls me towards the bed. "although, we do have to be careful though. I don't want your parents to you know…"
I nod. Remembering my parents are also frequenting this room. It's a miracle they haven't seen us snuggling together during the first few days I was brought here. I mean, at this point do I even care if they find out? After going through this, the fear of their reaction has become a faint feeling. I don't really care anymore, I just want to feel okay. Brushing the thought from my mind, I push Mal to sit on the bed and straddle him. I feel slight pain from sitting in this position but it fades away when I settle in.
Mal smiles. "What are you doing?" he asks, his voice still deep and heavy from crying.
I ignore him and place my arms around his neck and move closer. "I miss your lips."
His eyes widens and I swear he'll look flushed if his skin was any lighter. "hey, I don't think that's oka-"
"hey chill, it's just a kiss, it's not like I'm asking you to fuck me.." I move closer, my lips ghosting his. "yet." I whisper before placing a chaste kiss on his lips.
He looks shocked. "what?"
"what?" I counter.
He splutters. "You can't be saying that." He looks offended.
I look at him confused. "Why? Or do you not want me anymore?"
His brows furrow. "of course I still want you. I just thought.. I just thought that you won't .." he looks at me helplessly before rubbing a finger on his forehead aggressively.
"You thought what?" I squint at him.
"That, you know.."
"that I wouldn't want your dick in me again because of what happened?" I fill in. He nods looking relieved.
I roll my eyes. "you think I'll give up that incredible feeling of you filling me up just of what happened? If I did that, that would be me letting them win."
I rub his jaw, before taking his arms and placing them around my waist. "oh" he says.
"Of course I'm not healed yet to take a good pounding, but we definitely can do other things before I can." I wink.
He rolls his eyes. "you can top me though if you want."
My eyes widens. "really?" he nods looking a tad bit uncomfortable. I laugh. This just shows how much he cares about me.
"Have you ever bottomed before?"
He shakes his head. No. "but I'm will to do it for you." See. How can I not fall for him when he's this sweet. Willing to do something he's clearly uncomfortable with because he thinks it's what I want. I seriously have no interest in topping him unless he wants me to, otherwise, I'm good. I mean, his dick in me is literally all I need, his energy just makes me want to submit, it's the best feeling ever and I have no interest in switching. Maybe if it's someone else I might not even bottom, but for Mal here, I'm a slut for him.
"No I'm good." I kiss him again. And a gain, and a little deeper and sloppier this time, finding his tongue and sucking on it before pulling back to push him on his back. I wrap my arms around his back and settle in on him.
Anyone that walks in here will have no doubt about the kind of relationship we have and I don't care one bit.